April 12: Thoughts for the Day

One definition of the word ranch is: “a large farm used primarily to raise one kind of crop or animal.” A rancher is “a person who owns or works on a ranch.”

No matter what technique I use to determine whether a cantaloupe is ripe, it’s always hit or miss. Sometimes it’s ripe, more often it’s not.  So here’s what I want to do to rectify the situation: invite a cantaloupe rancher to accompany me on my next trip to the grocery store or green grocer to buy cantaloupe; surely a cantaloupe rancher can teach me his or her surefire way for telling whether the melon is perfectly ripe.

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Grey into Green

As we drove along winding roads and crept through sparse residential areas yesterday, getting acquainted with the terrain and adjusting to a new environment, we spoke about the coming transformation.  We spoke not of the transformation coming as a result of the new house, nor the new routines that no doubt will develop here, but the transformation that will spring upon us as the leaves burst forth from the naked trees.

The dogwoods and redbuds are in full bloom now, providing their respective bursts of white-yellow and rosy colors against mostly brown and grey backdrops of bare wood.  The forest floor is rusty brown, deep in dead leaves.  The evergreens, of course, are ever-green, but the forests are mixed.  They comprise largely hardwoods and other types of deciduous trees with perhaps a quarter of the growth comprising pine.  There are ample signs that it won’t be possible much longer to see through the tall stands of woods.  Everywhere there are almost vaporous green coatings at the tips of the smaller branches of trees.  That blush of color soon will explode into dense green robes, blotting out the views through the trees.

Later today, when I go out to buy a cable modem in anticipation of the high-speed internet hook-up in the new house, I may take some photos to remind me, a few weeks from now, how barren the woods looked in early April.  In early May, there will be no viewing through the thickets; there will be only green on green on more green, hiding everything behind it from view until late Fall, when the leaves will drop again.

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April 11: Thoughts for the Day

Anger can fester and grow into an impossible foe.  At this moment, I hope I can conquer the unbeatable foe.

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Gullibility Exposed

How could I have lived so long without knowing that “welcome wagon” was a business and not simply volunteers enlisting the support of local businesses in welcoming new neighbors? I had always assumed it was the term used to describe a group of volunteers who made it a point to welcome new people to the neighborhood.  Is it naiveté or gullibility that best describes my simplistic view of the world?

My naive belief that Welcome Wagon was an artifact of good, old-fashioned neighborliness was dashed yesterday afternoon, when a woman came to the condo we’re renting until we close on our house.  She had left a note on the door while we were out a few days ago, asking us to call her when convenient; my wife called her and arranged a time for her to come by yesterday.  She was very pleasant and very welcoming as she delivered a bag full of brochures about the area and a number of coupons from local businesses, some of which were very generous, indeed!

The woman said she was a school teacher and had lived in the area only two years.  I was surprised at how young she was, maybe in her late twenties or early thirties, as I had expected these “volunteers” to be retirees who were looking to do good deeds and meet new people.

I should note that neither the note, the card on which she wrote it, nor the woman herself ever used the term “welcome wagon;” I ascribed that term to the interaction.  But when I asked her how she got involved in this endeavor, she said her father-in-law had volunteered her to deliver welcome packages when “the woman who owned the business, who was about 85 years old, decided to retire.”

Wait! The “woman who owned the business?”  What business?  Was this not just nice people welcoming new neighbors?

I slept on the matter last night.  This morning, I did a bit of homework. Welcome Wagon, I learned, is a business first formed in 1928 in Memphis by a man named Thomas Briggs. Briggs was inspired by stories of Conestoga “welcome wagons” that embodied “the spirit of warm hospitality and welcome” in the Old West. The business has since gone through several ownership changes and, as evidenced by the visit yesterday, has been imitated by other entrepreneurs.

On the one hand, my gullibility was exposed yesterday afternoon; I feel embarrassed to have been such a simpleton to have thought the visit and the gifts were the outgrowth of pure altruistic neighborliness.  On the other hand, though, I am a believer in entrepreneurial endeavors that provide real value and do not focus exclusively on prying money from the unwilling hands of “target customers.”

So, while I would rather have learned that my simplistic world view and my belief that strangers would simply want to welcome us to our new home were correct, I am satisfied to have learned that a business grew from a real effort to extend hospitality to new neighbors.

But I still wonder how I could have reached 60 years old and not known…was I living under a rock?

Posted in Gullibility, Moving | 4 Comments

April 10: Thoughts for the Day

If you’re conscious of the fact that a specific amount of time must pass before something occurs, you’re waiting for that occurrence. If you dismiss that consciousness and simply let things happen when they happen, you lose wait.

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Good Fortune

Some days, I have to kick myself for failing to adequately appreciate how incredibly fortunate I am. Today is not one of those days. Today, for reasons too convoluted to go into in a short blog post, the breadth and scope of my good fortune are too obvious not to acknowledge and appreciate.

I am fortunate that I was able to retire at age 58.  I am by no means wealthy and may well decide to (or be forced to) get a job or to start another business again, but I am able to get by in reasonable comfort.   When I feel distressed that I cannot comfortably afford a luxury of some sort…a car or a vacation or an electronic gadget, for example…I need only to look at the fact that I’ve had the good fortune to choose early retirement over excess disposable income.

I’m fortunate to be loved by a woman who deserves better, but who chooses to spend her retirement with me rather than look for someone with fewer faults and more innate goodness.  In just a few days, we’ll celebrate 34 years of marriage; it’s not an accomplishment that we’ve been together for so long, but that we’ve grown closer with every passing year.  So many things could have broken those bonds; but they didn’t get broken.  That is a testament to good fortune and commitment.

It surprises me sometimes to realize how fortunate I am that I don’t have more money. That is good fortune, I think, because people sometimes tend to allow money to define happiness for them.  It’s the “stuff” that money can buy that takes on meaning, rather than the experience of living with the challenges of making do. I’m fortunate to have enough for comfort, but not enough to make me lazy or complacent about it; my wife and I have to be frugal and carefully manage our money in the hope we’ll have just enough to last as long as we do.  That financial tension helps me appreciate what I do have.  Too much money can make a person arrogant; it can allow a person to feel an undeserved sense of entitlement.

The choices available to me…where to live, what to eat, how to dress, how to spend my time…are evidence of good fortune.  I don’t have unlimited choices, but I have more than many people ever will. Sometimes I have to wonder why I got so lucky; how is it that I am so fortunate in so many ways? Part of it is that I worked for it.  But having worked hard does not explain it.  Many people work hard, harder than I ever did, and don’t have the good fortune I’ve had.  I have been in the right place at the right time and sometimes have made the right choices…or simply stumbled into them…that have led to good fortune.  My good fortune is “not my fault;” I’m just lucky. The same circumstances I’ve encountered throughout my life have led to entirely different outcomes for other people.  I’m just lucky.  And I appreciate that, though I feel more than a little guilty for having more good fortune than my efforts in life might justify.

I hope my good fortune continues. I will endeavor to appreciate it consciously and with more frequency than I have thus far. I wish good fortune for more people.

Posted in Love, Philosophy, Thanksgiving, Wisdom | 2 Comments

April 9: Thoughts for the Day

Be steadfast only on issues that truly matter. Adjust and adapt. Everyone, you included, will be the happier for it.

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Memory Triggers

It nags at me, not every day, but frequently enough to make me wonder what it is that causes me to dwell on it. I know what triggers it.  It’s reading about or hearing someone talk about a memory of a time long ago, the type of memory I should share.  But I don’t. I don’t have the memories of high school or college everyone else seems to have.  I don’t have crisp recollections of grade school.  Even my more recent memories, memories of living and working in Chicago as an adult, are not as clear and unclouded as I think they should be. Sometimes, my memories seem to be the kinds created by hearing stories about the past, not having lived it.

This condition is not new.  One of the few clear memories of my college days is of sitting with a friend—a guy who had been a year behind me in high school and whose brother I knew then, but who I only met in college—in a restaurant called Hansel & Gretel, drinking dark beer and snacking on pretzels. We were talking about classes we had taken in high school two or three years earlier and I found myself surprised at not recalling much about them.  I had taken the classes, and had performed reasonably well in them, but I had only the vaguest recollections about them.  The same vagueness plagues my memories, or lack thereof, of much of my time in Houston and, later, in Chicago, though those memories admittedly are not as muddy as the earlier ones. I recall little about day-to-day life in those times; my memories are of specific events or experiences, not of life in general.

The more I think about the difference between those almost opaque recollections and the ones that are fresh and clear, the more I come to an obvious realization: memories of unique or especially pleasant (or painful) circumstances or experiences are the clear ones. The daily drudgery of slogging through the porridge, as I like to say, have drifted into the ether, buried under mountains of time and disinterest.  High school was boring and meaningless to me; much of my time in college (with some notable exceptions) was the same.  Even later, when I began enjoying life more, large swaths of time are almost hidden beneath layers of gauze, suggesting the more mundane aspects of my life have passed into the waste-bin of memory.

When I write about such stuff, I sort through the issues in my mind.  It’s as if my fingers on the keyboard serve as a means of sorting through issues that are too complex for my brain to handle.  My fingers on the keyboard massage my mental muscles, allowing me to think.

This topic, the muddiness of memory, is not something that lends itself to conversation over a beer, but perhaps it should.  It would be interesting to have conversations on such matters, urging others to try to reach into the recesses of their minds, in the hopes of determining whether my experiences are unique or whether they are simply a mundane and seldom-discussed element common to all who experience the human condition.

 

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Distant Thunder

Bone-shattering claps of thunder, accompanied by brilliant flashes of lightning, awaken in me a sense of awe and wonder and appreciation for  the power of the natural world.  I can sit for hours watching wave after wave of thunderstorms pass, listening to rolling thunder and searching the sky for jagged fingers of lightning.  When the strikes are close, I hear the crackle and sizzle of the lightning bolts, followed almost instantly by an explosive crash that echoes across the clouds for what seems like minutes.  I remember the times as a child I’d sit with my family, watching storms and counting the seconds between the far-away flashes of lightning and the rumble of distant thunder.  The time between the flash and the sound of thunder was the measure of how far away we were from the lightning strike.

I sit and wonder how different the experience of thunderstorms will be for me here in a new topography, where instead of huge expanses of flat landscape I see rolling hills and miniature mountains.

Posted in Sense of place, Weather | 2 Comments

April 8: Thoughts for the Day

Scale has such an impact on perception.  I can imagine how different the tables and chairs in this room would appear to me if I were six inches tall.  They would seem to be massive works of stunning architecture, rather than implements of comfort and convenience. Perhaps scale can explain the sense of awe one sees so often in young children; maybe it’s the same sense of awe I experience when I stand next to a sheer cliff rising hundreds of feet above me.

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Kroger and Such

We had a lot to do today; visited our Realtor’s office to trade documents, went to our soon-to-be-home to view the “trip hazard” that we may or may not want to fix, and went wandering all over the village, trying to get acquainted with the streets.  That, by the way, is a 4 year project.

First thing, though, we drove to Hot Springs to return the minivan we had rented for a quick round-trip to pick up “stuff” in Dallas.  After we dropped off the van, we went to Waffle House for breakfast; it was like old times!

Then, we stopped at a Kroger’s to pick up some groceries.  Food is a bit more expensive here, at least in the places we’ve visited, than in Dallas.  It was chilly when we got out of the car.  And, as luck would have it, I had not brought anything even remotely close to clothing suitable for cool weather.  So, after a bit of shopping at Kroger, I walked next door to the Salvation Army store.  Though I had a hard time finding anyone to pay, I finally did pay $3 for a black sweatshirt top.  And I became a happy man!

There’s so much more to tell, but it will have to wait.  I’m tired and need to collect my broken thoughts.

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The Questions Remain

A scene can play out before your eyes in very different ways.

You wait impatiently in your car for an old woman to cross the street as she slowly pulls a grocery cart, cursing under your breath at the fact that she seems to be in no hurry to get out of your way and probably doesn’t even notice you or your car.

Another time, that same old woman, pulling that same grocery cart across that same street, brings tears to your eyes as you imagine her living alone, unable to afford a car, no one there to help her, just barely making ends meet…her lifetime of labor earning her only the right to struggle in loneliness.

In the first instance, you are self-absorbed and as cold as polished steel.  In the second, you feel empathy for someone in a situation about which you know nothing; your imagination carries you toward caring.

It’s easier, I think, to be the impatient one, cursing under your breath.  The empathic vision requires more emotional energy.  But feeling empathy is in accord with the advice of Plato, who advises “Be kind. Everyone you meet is in the midst of a great struggle.”

I struggle with knowing whether the two behaviors toward the old woman are innate or learned.  I suspect there’s a bit of natural response there somewhere, but society teaches us which behaviors are acceptable.  When society teaches us a behavior or a response to an external stimulus is not acceptable (like the impatience described above), we still engage in it.  So, that argues that the response is natural, but is controlled by our socialization.

But, wait, does society teach us the response is not acceptable?  Or does society teach us that the more empathic response is the preferred response?  Or, in fact, does society teach us both, leaving it to the individual’s own mind to select what’s best for the moment?

These are the sorts of questions that cause me to fondly recall my college days in sociology and psychology classes.  I remember being startled at how much I wanted to discuss questions whose answers were not black and white.  Conversations and arguments were thrilling; the thirst for knowledge was exciting!

Forty years later, the questions remain.

Posted in Philosophy, Wisdom | 1 Comment

April 7: Thoughts for the Day

I was watching news on CNN a few nights ago and was struck by the number of people, both CNN staff and people being interviewed, with very distinct foreign language accents. Every one of them, quite obviously, is at least bi-lingual, some probably multi-lingual.  I admire people who speak more than one language; I should be one, but I’m not. Not yet.

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Of Pizza and Beer and Songs and Darkness and Change

Last night, after a 13-hour, 656 mile marathon trip to retrieve boxes and assorted other stuff we left behind in storage, we had dinner at Charlie’s Pizza Pub, which I learned from its Facebook page moved to its “new old location” early this year.  I don’t know from whence it moved…and it really doesn’t matter.

We ordered a super special or some such deluxe beast, which came covered with pepperoni, sausage, onions, and who knows what else.  It was very good, with a crisp crust and a nice ratio of sauce to cheese.  I asked the waiter if they have dark beer; he responded by saying they have Stella Artois, Blue Moon, 312, and a few others.   I asked about IPAs and his face betrayed utter confusion.  And he had no clue about dark, but seemed like a nice kid despite that character flaw.

We arrived at the place just about the time the karaoke started in the room behind the bar (which was, thankfully, not immediately adjacent to where we sat). The vast majority, and possibly all, of the participants in the karaoke were young.  The first woman on stage was in her early twenties, I’d guess, and had an extraordinarily good voice.  I didn’t know the music (it was country), but she sang it exceptionally well.  Next up was a guy who sang a class rock song (the name of which escapes me now); he was decent, but was clearly an amateur in comparison to the woman who sang before him.  Near the end of our meal, a very young girl, maybe 8 or 9 years old judging from her voice (I never saw her) delivered two songs; I cannot judge her singing talents, because the voices of kids that age clearly haven’t developed to the point of being “good” or “bad.”  But from what I heard, my money would be on a career outside the music industry.

Driving home from the pizza pub in the dark reminded me just how different our lives will be here compared to Dallas.  For one I must emphasize “dark.”  Our car’s headlights had little competition in illuminating the road in front of me; and it was rare to see any other lights along the roadside.  The darkness, sharply rolling hills, and twists & turns of the roadway are distinct departures from the bright, flat, straight streets of Dallas.

Our first night here (the night before), we went for an early dinner at a restaurant on a lake, a place on the far end of the village, and headed back to the condo in the pre-dark dusk.  Just as we came over the crest of a hill, a deer darted out from the forest on the right side of the road; I was driving rather slowly, which is a good practice here at that time of day, and so was able to brake and give the deer ample time to cross the road without being attacked by a Japanese car. I’m told there are a lot of deer around here; I don’t doubt it in the least.

Until we close on our house and move in, I won’t feel like we’re really settled here.  For reasons that are more psychological than practical, I do not plan to attempt to “engage” with people here until we become official residents.  But we have about three weeks (if all goes well) to learn the lay of the land and get familiar with our new lifestyle here until then.

Later this month, we’re told, a newcomer’s meeting is scheduled to acquaint people with the community and what it offers.  That’s an element of welcoming hospitality I think was common in years past, even in neighborhoods in crowded cities, but which has essentially died out in most places.  I like that sort of welcoming hospitality; we will most certainly attend the meeting.

 

Posted in Change, Food, Sense of place | 5 Comments

April 6: Thoughts for the Day

If I had children, they would have good manners, else they would have time in shackles to mull over their poor manners.

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Long-Distance Courier Service

Today will be a day of long distance driving; a 650-mile round trip to retrieve more “stuff” from the city in which we used to live.   We’ll get boxes of files, an upright vacuum cleaner, an iced-tea maker, boxes full of items from our pantry, among many other things that wouldn’t fit in our car.  Oh, and suitcases full of clothes; we made the trip over with 2 days’ worth of clothes.  And we’ll retrieve a 55-quart ice chest filled with frozen foods from our freezer; a friend generously agreed to store our frozen foods for pickup this weekend.

I feel very much like a long distance courier.  Come to think of it, though, I’ve often commented that my fantasy was to be a long-distance courier, paid handsomely to slowly transport small quantities of personal items cross-country; but this is not cross-country and it’s not slow.  But it’s a start.

 

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April 5: Thoughts for the Day

If I were like some people, I would complain about the birds that sing so loudly and so sweetly very early in the morning. But I’m not like those people.  And I won’t.  I worship the music those birds make.  I will not curse them for awakening me early; I will praise them.

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Adjustments

Living in one place for a long time allows a person to get comfortable with all sorts of things: the fastest way to get from point A to point B; the “best” television stations for weather forecasts; the television channel line-up; radio stations that fits one’s musical tastes; where to find NPR on the radio; the best restaurants; which grocery stores have the best vegetables; where to find the best live theatre; locations of drivers license renewal offices; the best places to get the car washed; the list seems endless.  Time-in-place leads to familiarity and comfort and, perhaps, habit and laziness.

Moving to a new community, far away from the familiar, emphasizes the degree to which one has become familiar with all the little things one has learned from years and years of getting comfortable with one’s surroundings.  I write from experience, having made a number of moves during my lifetime.  But most of those moves were long ago and many of the adjustments I had to make have washed from my memory.  This move, the one I’ve just made, is reviving many of the memories.  And the ones long since washed away are being replaced by new ones that take their place on a vaguely familiar road.

My wife and I know just two people in this community.  We have made the acquaintance of a couple of real estate agents, as well, but there are only two people we really know, people we know well enough to call friends.  It’s not just the attributes of the place that we must now learn; it’s not just where to find groceries and gas and how to arrange for utilities and where to do our banking.  It’s where to find people with whom we can develop friendships, people for whom we serve as reliable rock-solid resources and upon who we can depend when we need help.

The interesting element of the people-component of this move is that my both wife and I have limited needs for social interaction with others.  We enjoy the company of very few people enough to want to spend time with them. But when we find such people, they become very important to us.  For us, the aphorism is absolutely true: you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand.  The reality that we are not particularly social people emphasizes the importance of finding people with whom we can develop friendships. Unlike grocery stores and banks and radio stations and theatres, though, relationships are not easy to find.  They are not easy to develop into friendships.  They are not easy to count on.

All of that having been said, it seems best to focus on the easy stuff first: learn the lay of the land, find the attributes of the community that make living in it more comfortable and more convenient, then begin the process of meeting people, cultivating social relationships, and developing friends.  In the meantime, those friends who have taken their place in the count of the fingers of one hand will remain there and will, one day, visit this new place we’re just beginning to learn.

There’s so much to learn about a new community.  There are so many things one begins to take for granted after having lived in one place for a long time.  Moving to a new place jolts one’s brain out of its routine and forces a confrontation with the unfamiliar.  That can only be a good thing.  Change brings with it challenges to complacency.

This is going to be fun.  This is going to be an opportunity to prove that tired old cliché really is true: it really is possible to reinvent oneself!

Posted in Friendship, Happiness, Moving, Philosophy, Sense of place | 2 Comments

April 4: Thoughts for the Day

Thank you.  That’s really all I wanted to say.  And I mean it.

Posted in Thoughts For the Day | 2 Comments

Brisket

image

Last night, we were treated to an excellent meal of mesquite-smoked brisket and all the appropriate condiments, German potato salad, and green salad, capped off with very good dessert. Not to mention some truly fine beer. And we started the feast with manchego and bleu cheese.  Of course, I failed to take pictures!  What the hell is wrong with me?! Not to worry! I’ll simply steal the photo the pitmaster took of the final product before it came off the grill.

It was a truly fine meal, accompanied by good conversation and laughter.  Last night was a wonderful way to end our 25-year experience of living in Dallas.  Today, we head out to our next great adventure.

Posted in Food, Friendship | 3 Comments

April 3: Thoughts for the Day

Prisms refract light in much the same way prisons refract life.

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Friends

It’s 5:30a.m. and I’m sitting at the kitchen counter in our friends’ very nice house, thinking how fortunate I am that they are such gracious people.  They are allowing us to stay with them for a couple of nights while we tie up loose ends before we head off to our new home. The alternative would have been to stay at some soul-less hotel, where our temporary state of homelessness would have been emphasized. Instead, we are enjoying their hospitality and feeling far less discombobulated than we might otherwise have felt.

Tonight, we will dine with these same friends and another couple on a meal our hosts (well, one of our hosts) will prepare on his smoker. We’ll have a few drinks and at some point it will strike me that 350 miles between us will make such gatherings more difficult in the future. But our friends always will be welcome in our new house.

Today, I am grateful for friends. I miss them already.

Posted in Friendship, Moving | 2 Comments

April 2: Thoughts for the Day

“You can lead a horticulture but you can’t make her think.”

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

The first quote is from Dorothy Parker.  The second one is sometimes said to be from her, but I’ve found no evidence of it. Tom Waits claimed to have read it on a bathroom wall; but so have others claimed the same thing.

The point is not who said or wrote them, the point is that they are clever word play.

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April 1: Thoughts for the Day

The pressures associated with a household move are nothing in comparison to the pressures associated with starvation, war, famine, or social unrest. At least that’s what I’ve been told. So I shouldn’t complain.  But I will, nonetheless.  Won’t I?

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March 31: Thoughts for the Day

It doesn’t matter that dogs may not actually be smiling at you, the fact that you THINK they are smiling at you is enough.

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