Some of My Favorite Things

I listen to Take Five by Dave Brubeck and feel like I belong in a different era. It’s not that I really believe I’m out of step with today, it’s that I think some people today are out of step with reality.  Odd, isn’t it, that classics can be viewed as out of place?  Of course, being a bit out of step with the rest of the world is one of my favorite things.  So are you, whoever you are…you, with the smile and the nod.

Posted in Aging, Music | 3 Comments

November 26: Thoughts for the Day

Love is everywhere.  It is the soft squeeze on the shoulder.  It is the peck on the cheek, the unexpected hug.  It is the cryptic text message and the laughter at a silly joke.  It is right here, right now.

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Ferguson

Part of me—a large part of me—sees the violence that erupted last night in Ferguson, Missouri as uninformed ignorance and baseless rage, fueled by bad assumptions and blinded by emotions.

Neither I, nor the protestors and looters, heard the grand jury testimony nor saw the information presented to the grand jury in the Michael Brown case.  In a system in which justice is the goal, leaving it in the hands of people who pledge to leave their biases at the door and make decisions based purely on the facts seems logical and reasonable.  We cannot afford to challenge those decisions simply because we do not like the outcomes.

But part of me understands the deep distrust of the justice system that fuels the rage in the streets of Ferguson.  We still have a system that routinely interprets Black  experiences through the lens of White eyes and White experience.  Part of me can accept the rage that causes people to give greater weight to the stories of people who look like them; in their reality, the system is always skewed, seldom doing more than giving lip service to justice.

I try to put myself in the shoes of someone whose experiences with the justice system through an entire lifetime have always been negative, whose experience suggests the police and the courts assume the worst of me and my “kind.”  Living such an experience is bound to leave angry scars and create mistrust and loathing. And it’s bound to make it easier for me to dismiss decisions reached by a grand jury as just more examples of a system rigged against me.

Looking at the situation between Darren Wilson and Michael Brown from the uninformed comfort of distance and sketchy information and bias born of personal experience, I suspect that both men behaved in inappropriate ways that contributed to the tragedy of Brown’s unnecessary death.  However, something seems amiss in the events leading up to last night’s announcement, something that may have contributed to the violence that followed.

In considering the length of time the grand jury took to examine the facts and in reviewing the information released about its deliberations, it seems to me that the grand jury was asked to behave more like a trial jury than a grand jury.  It seems to me that the grand jury had enough evidence to indict Wilson for, at the very least, negligent homicide.  Putting the matter in the hands of a trial jury, then, would put the information available to the jury in front of the public, gradually, rather than releasing it en mass at the same time the non-indictment decision was reached.  Instead, though, the grand jury was asked to sort through vast amounts of evidence, considering just as much information as a trial jury would have considered.  Perhaps the grand jury reached the same decision a trial jury would have reached, but a trial jury would have reached a decision in a more public arena, in which information was shared with the public before a decision was reached.

And I wonder about the wisdom of releasing the decision of the grand jury at night, when individuals in crowds of angry protestors are better able to be invisible, thereby increasing the likelihood they will behave as if they were invisible.

Ultimately, I don’t know whether the grand jury was right or wrong in its decision.  But I know a lot of people felt the decision was just business as usual for a justice system that tends to protect itself at the expense of Black people.  The rage that spilled into the streets of Ferguson did not come out of nowhere; it erupted from pent-up anger that cries out for attention.

I wish the situation in Ferguson had not happened.  But, if not Ferguson, it was bound to happen somewhere.  Until we, as a people, can ensure social justice for all, our system of criminal justice will continue to provide fuel for rage.

Posted in Justice | 2 Comments

November 25: Thoughts for the Day

When trees shed their leaves, they reveal beauty inaccessible in full leaf.  People do the same when they shed their clothes. It doesn’t matter whether the tree is gnarled and imperfect, any more than whether the person is wrinkled and worn.

The heartwood of the trunk is as perfect and pristine as it was a hundred years earlier, just as the person’s heart is clean and pure and unmolested by the ravages of time.

And, when a person sheds the protective layers of emotional armor developed over a lifetime of responses to pain and uncertainty, the beauty that remains is stunning.

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After Life: The Film

Our friends in Fort Smith lent us a DVD while we were there the beginning of this month.  We watched it a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

The film, After Life (which is in Japanese, with English subtitles), from director Hirokazu Koreeda, is a story in which people who have just died find themselves in a transfer station for processing into heaven.  Each soul is given just a few days to select a single memory from his or her life, which will be staged and filmed by the workers at the transfer station.  Upon watching his own personal film, the individual moves along to the next stage of existence, to relive that single memory for eternity.

The conflicts and solutions in the film are what give it substance, and I won’t give them away here lest anyone reading this decides to obtain and watch the film.  While the concept of heaven and an afterlife are alien to my concept of the universe, they are central to the success of the film, and it is a successful film.

The “happiest moment” is not, in every case, truly the happiest moment. Rather, the happiest moment may be that moment at which the future happiness of another is assured.

And so, with that as a backdrop, I tried to identify which moment I might choose, if that unlikely situation were presented to me. I came to the realization that, for me at least, it would be an impossibility.  Ultimately, it would be a toss-up among dozens, if not hundreds or even thousands of happy memories.  And, in the final analysis, the toss-up would result in experiencing purgatory (or something like it).

A more palatable end-game is the one I believe is real, yet never to be sought after: the light is simply switched off, never to be lit again.

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November 24: Thoughts for the Day

I think it’s in our best interests to accept all hugs and kisses that come our way, because they tend to engender reciprocity, which in turn does the same.

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Compressing Time and Capabilities

Yesterday, as my wife and her sister and I drove to Little Rock for a relaxing day of bumming around, we passed signs of road work.  Dozens, if not hundreds, of traffic cones, highway construction warning signs, and “narrow lanes ahead” signs, among others.

The sight of those signs caused me to think about the complexity of transportation today. Management of people and products on the move requires coordinating so much information, both to give drivers guidance and to ensure a degree of conformity with the rules, which helps avoid chaos.

I began to notice other evidence that traffic control and road transportation in general is a very big business. Traffic cones. Lane strip markers. Reflective pavement markers. Reflective signs. Color-keyed and shape-signified signs that give information and directions. Posts and railings that help keep traffic going in operating directions separated in the event of a vehicle veering off the road.

Aside from the physical evidence of the complexity of traffic and transportation management, I began thinking about the support structure behind it.  “Rules of the road” on a state-by-state basis, including speed limits, traffic signal standards, traffic sign standards, one-way street designations, etc.; they all require intellectual capital to conceive, plan, and execute.  Execution requires an army of workers and managers, who attempt to maintain some semblance of order even as they regularly work to repair, upgrade, and enhance roadways and the like.

This massive undertaking—this massive construction of an entire industry dedicated to traffic and transportation and movement of people and products—did not evolve along the same timeline as humankind.  No, it developed on an incredibly compressed time schedule, the vast majority of which took place over a period of far less than a century; decades, no millenia.  An exceptionally complex industry arose in parallel with the automotive industry.  One hundred twenty-five years ago, there wasn’t even the hint of the vast industry to come.

None of this is to say that the evolution of transportation (and here, I’m speaking primarily of ground transportation) has been all good.  A lot of land has been destroyed along the way.  The petroleum industry and its excesses of greed and environmental destruction grew primarily because the transportation industry emerged and grew. Yet for all its faults and failings, the growth of the industry and society along with it is astounding.

We humans have compressed time into a nano-capsule. All of the bad and good things associated with our capacity to rush into the future, turning fiction into reality, are fascinating.

 

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November 23: Thoughts for the Day

I continue trying to defy failure, to insist it cannot control me. Some days, it understands the depth of my defiance. Some days it resists, challenging the legitimacy and strength of my commitment. One day, the championship will no longer be subject to debate; until then, the best course is to do battle with everything I have.

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Prisoners of Love

Shredded paper, soaked in the twenty-four hour output of three parakeets,  cluttered the floor of the bird cage. An assortment of tiny seeds, spilled onto the wet paper from a feeding tray affixed to the enclosure, formed a paste inside the cage.  On the floor below, more of the same seeds littered a circle about three feet in diameter.

When Beverly entered the room, her eyes instantly shot to the open door of the cage.  She glanced all around the room.  There were none of the chattering sounds of birds that usually bathed the room in noise.  The air was still; no fluttering of wings, clumsily beating the air, no clinking of beaks against the thin metal bars. But then she heard the rattle of the old wooden Venetian blinds, as a gust of wind blew through the open window.

As she saw the that the window stood halfway open, she screamed,”Oh my God, they’re gone!” The volume of her own voice startled her; her eyes shot toward the door she had just entered, hoping there was no one just outside to hear.

Beverly had good reason to scream.  Less than twenty-four hours earlier, the man to whom the birds belonged, and by whom she was to be paid for caring for the creatures, had said something odd and troubling. As he left the apartment, he said to her, “I’m trusting you to take good care of my babies!  I’ll pay you well when I return to find them healthy and happy!” Then, with a thin, threatening smile, he added, “But if they’re not here and  healthy when I get back, you’ll wish they were.”

********************************************

Bird people, and by that I mean people who keep caged birds in their homes and treat them like intelligent relatives, are an odd lot.  The mere fact they cage those creatures—creatures that almost certainly would be far happier flying free—while believing the birds are happier than if they were free, brings into question the sanity of bird people.  That is no to say that all people who keep birds are bird people.  The trick is determining the ones who are so their peculiar form of insanity can be kept at bay.

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November 22: Thoughts for the Day

I wonder what pure silence is like.  I’ve never experienced it, at least not that I recall. And, frankly, I think I would recall it if I ever experienced it. Even in the quietest room, with sound-deadening walls, a person hears the sound of his own heartbeat and her own breathing.

Absolute silence must be either a powerfully soothing experience or one imbued with stark, unparalleled terror.

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Such a Very Small Dot in Such a Very Large Place

I am in awe when I look at a clear sky at night, a sky relatively free of light pollution, watching the universe unveil before me.  My recent experience watching the Tim Ernst slide show, “Arkansas Nightscapes,” reminded me to take the time to go outdoors at night and look skyward.  It’s an incredible view.

An equally awe-inspiring experience can be had looking at the world around us, the world closer to our eyes.  Simply looking at an empty spot of ground, a place littered with dirt and leaves and pieces of tree bark and grass, can reveal a universe no less impressive than the one above our heads.  Sometimes, when I allow myself the luxury of time to sit and watch ants scurry about in the dirt, I think of all the other creatures with which they share their territory.  Spiders and beetles and moths, thousands upon thousands of insects of every description, and who knows what else are right there, just a few feet or a few inches from our eyes.

For some reason, it’s more likely that I’ll look skyward at night to trigger my sense of awe; perhaps because it’s easier to see.  But just a bit of effort and the willingness to watch the ground beneath my feet will trigger that same childlike sense of wonder.

Words cannot begin to express the emotions that flood my mind in looking skyward or, with a little more effort and, perhaps, a magnifying glass looking at the ground.  Simply thinking about those actions causes my mind to race with ideas about relationships between stars and planets and all the millions or billions of life forms that may exist in this universe.  And then, I realize my tiny piece of that massive compilation of space, my own brain, is capable of having such thoughts.  That makes me wonder how many thoughts I’ve never even considered exist in that universe.  What thoughts go through the brains of a dog or a cat or a monkey or even a centipede or an ant?  Are we humans correct in assuming that, because their brains are so different from ours, they cannot think?  How is it that hummingbirds and geese, with brains a fraction the size of ours, are able to make their way hundreds or thousands of miles each year as they migrate north and south?

It’s enough to make the brain explode.

 

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November 21: Thoughts for the Day

I have a theory. The more time a person accumulates through life, the more compact that time becomes, filling the mind with experiences that grow denser and denser.  That increasing denseness causes time to be experienced in “fast forward.” Time is like a black hole in space; eventually, experiences within the realm of time become so dense nothing can escape.

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Flubbing Fame…Well, Not Entirely

Despite an embarrassing number of flubs, my twenty-four minutes of fame was quite enjoyable last night at Maxine’s in Hot Springs. Several members of the Village Writers’ Club turned out, which helped the audience numbers considerably.

I could almost feel the audience’s embarrassment for me as I lost my place in the very first poem.  I recovered, but it was a long and painful flub.  I learned lessons; I can get better.

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November 20: Thoughts for the Day

Open invitations are understood to be without expiration, but an occasional dusting keeps them bright and shiny.

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Psychological Myths

“Tells stories and believes them.” That’s one statement I recall from my “Birkman Method” report, a psychological profile that ostensibly reported an individual’s personality in normal circumstances and under pressure.  I don’t recall whether the statement applied to normal behavior or behavior under stress.  It doesn’t matter, as I judged the statement to be something of an affront to legitimate psychology. I worked for Birkman & Associates at the time; my psychological testing was free to me, given in advance of my hiring in the pre-employment screening process.

I recall only part of another statement:  “Has a greater than average desire to…”  To what, I don’t remember.

My skepticism of psychological evaluations that take the form of paper and pencil or, more recently, online responses to questionnaires, has grown over time.  While I wish there existed a tool that could reveal the intricacies of this thing we call our mind, I have doubts.  On the other hand, I regularly see pop-psychology tests that do tend to reveal personality attributes…that could just as easily be revealed through a short conversation.

These are just random thoughts today.  Tomorrow, my perspective might, and probably will, be different.

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November 19: Thoughts for the Day

“Practice makes perfect” is an adage we wish were true, but is not.  “Practice tends to improve,” though, doesn’t have quite the ring to it.

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Still More Dreamscapes

It wasn’t last night, but the night before, when my dreams were clearly based on events from my consciousness.  “Clearly” may be the wrong term; “likely” may be better, given the static and smudges that clouded the actions.

The fact that the real-world water heater had leaked no doubt contributed to the dream, inasmuch as I was expecting a plumber.  But, in the dream, I heard the service technician tell my wife that, even if the part for the primary furnace did not work, we could just crank up the heat and we would still be warm, though perhaps not as comfortable as we would be otherwise.  Hearing that, I thought to myself: Oh, no, I’ve called the wrong people to fix the water heater!

Somewhere along the line in the same dream, I found myself in the garage, wearing only my underwear, when legions of repair service trucks began arriving in the driveway.  I was trying to find my clothes, but service technicians kept interrupting my search as they entered the garage from the laundry room. I found a mud-caked pair of jeans and had pulled them half-way on when my wife came into the garage from the laundry room, along with a woman who apparently was a home decorator.  I stumbled past them, pulling up my jeans, saying I’d meet them in the guest room after I finished getting dressed.

Next, I found myself inside the house, in a room that does not exist in the real world, trying to find a shirt to wear from among dozens wadded in piles on the floor.  Just as I pulled one on, my wife and the decorator, along with several other people, came into the room.  I then noticed a large bar, as in a tavern, in the center of the room.  It was ugly, painted in clashing colors and looking old and tired like it had been neglected for years.  My wife asked me what I had in mind for redecorating the bar and I said, “I want something sleek and modern.”  “Why?” she asked. “Because I like modern and sleek” I replied.

Just then, a team of guys put up a ladder outside the windows to the room and began washing them. I asked, “You arranged for the windows to be washed?” My wife replied. “Yes, and they’re going to clean up the vegetable garden in the lot next door in preparation for winter.” What happened after that, I don’t know; I think there was more, but I’m not sure what, nor how it’s connected.

This next recollection from the dreams of two nights ago may not be from the same dream, though it might be.

Two or three other people were in the car I was driving as I turned off of a highway onto a gravel road, heading to a restaurant for lunch.  Just as I turned, I saw a Volkswagen Beetle heading toward me on my side of the road, passing another almost identical Beetle, but of a different color, then swerve back into the proper lane. I judged the passing Beetle to be reckless, so I honked, then hit the gas pedal hard to express my displeasure.  Just as I rounded a curve, I saw a stampeded of hundreds of cattle and calves, the color of dirty cream.  Amongst them were cowboys, ranging from young kids to old men, trying to herd them.  On both sides of the road, there were large stock tanks or small lakes in which dozens of calves and a few cows and bulls were submerged.  A man pulled one of the calves from the water and dragged it to the water’s edge and pushed it onto dry land.  The same thing happened up and down these stretches of water, with young boys and old men pulling what appeared to be drowning cattle and calves out of the water.  The people turned to look at us as we drove by; I felt that I should stop to help, but knew I would have no idea how to help.  But I felt that the people looking at me figured I just didn’t care, not that I didn’t know how to help.

And then I woke up, just a bit before 5:00 a.m.  I quickly recorded my recollections; i record them here so I can come back and use them as resources for something I may write one day.

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November 18: Thoughts for the Day

Sunrises are reasons enough to rise early. But getting up before 2:00 a.m. is stretching it.

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Un poco más nieve.

For the second night, we had a bit of snow.  It’s bright and sunny this morning, making the overnight snow especially white and brilliant.

P1000128 P1000126 P1000125 P1000124 P1000123 P1000122 P1000121 P1000129

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Respite from Expectations

The simple act of living in a world of expectations is hard.  It requires mental energy in every waking moment.  Even as we attempt to recover through sleep, there they are, those expectations stalking our dreams just as they slink along, silent but incessantly demanding, with every wakeful breath we take. Those expectations are not just our own, but the expectations others have of us.  We crave the stimuli they give us, yet those same stimuli wear us down every day, never allowing us to rest—really rest—and heal from the wounds the world inflicts on our bodies and our brains.

I used to be skeptical of the claims made by organizers of “restorative retreats” that sitting in silent reflection over the course of several days can be regenerative.  Though I’ve never attended such a retreat, I’m no longer such a skeptic.  I can feel in my wrists and knees and tight muscles and fears and tears that there is wisdom in those claims.

There are reasons we take vacations. We need them.  We need time away from routine, time away from obligations, time away from expectations.  But vacations, alone, are insufficient.  I believe we need time with no activity, with no expectations placed on us and placing no expectations on others.  We need time during which we are not judged and during which we do not judge others. Simply time to be, to sit, to appreciate being.

 

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November 17: Thoughts for the Day

There’s a connection in my dreams to my conscious reality, but sometimes it’s flawed.  It can be a bit like picking up multiple broadcast radio stations on the same band; lots of static and competition between music and news.

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Perspectives and Anarchy

The perspectives of two people sitting in the same room, looking at the same scene, can be vastly different.  Why, then, is it so very hard for us to understand the differences in the perspectives of the leaders of two countries, looking at the same circumstances?

Their perspectives, informed by their own observations, are coupled with information delivered to them through filters designed to exclude information deemed irrelevant by other’s perspectives and to include information deemed critical by others.  The quality of opinions so shaped can only be as rational as the data that helps shape them; it helps if the data are clean.

Bias finds its way in to leaders’ perspectives, even if they are free of bias, through the bias of others.  For example, the views of Putin and Obama (and Abbot and Harper and Merkel, et al) on the Ukraine issue are formed in large part by information fed to them through porous data delivery networks that soak up bias like a sponge.  The purity of information reaching the leaders is almost certainly reduced, dramatically, at almost every level as it flows up the chain of command. Yet we expect them to make decisions on the basis of this biased and impure information. Worse, still, they willingly accept the obligation to make decisions under those circumstances; they most certainly must understand that bias clogs their information resources, yet they accept that state of affairs.

As I sit here this morning, reaching the realization that world leaders are almost pawns in a game of misinformation olympics, I consider whether anarchy is preferable to obedience to flawed forms of government that thrive on bias and self-interest.

Just thinking.

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November 16: Thoughts for the Day

If all of us, at every level in the social strata, would accept the legitimacy of the customs and practices of people one level up and one level down, we’d all be a lot happier.  And we’d be happier, still, if we expanded that acceptance three levels in each direction.

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One Friday in Retirement

As I was perusing Tim Ernst’s website this morning, I discovered on this page a photo of what I think was the Roadtrek RV I saw sitting in the Coronado Center parking lot yesterday morning.  I remarked to my sister-in-law that, not long ago, I’d explored getting a Roadtrek.  She laughed, giving me an incredulous look.  My wife did not come to my rescue, confirming the seriousness with which we had considered matter; I will assume she did not hear me.

We were at the Coronado Center for the HSV Audubon Society meeting, featuring a presentation by Tim Ernst.  Neighbors had commented about him, saying his books of Arkansas natural settings were wonderful.  And now I can say it: Tim Ernst is a spectacularly good nature photographer.  His night photography is stunning.  People familiar with his work (he has published a number of books of photography) probably do not need me to tell them he’s good.

Yesterday was his first presentation of a new program called Arkansas Nightscapes, a slide show companion to his new book of the same title.  He is an avid outdoorsman, in addition to being a remarkable photographer, which helps him capture his photos.  Some of the subjects of his photographs require extensive hiking and climbing through rough terrain in very desolate places.  For his latest book, much of that hiking and climbing took place at night, with little or no light to guide him, save for the moon and the stars (which, by the way, as his photographs illustrate, can provide quite a lot of light to the camera with long exposure settings)

We followed up on the Tim Ernst program with lunch at Riverside Grocery in Benton, where we took advantage of the fact that it was Friday, the only day the combo gas station-convenience store-restaurant serves catfish.  Then, last night, we went to the Woodlands Auditorium to see and hear Pete Peterkin’s show, in which his quite good impersonations of Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Little Richard, et al were impressive.

It was a full day, indeed.  Today and tomorrow, I must force myself to practice reading poetry in preparation for Wednesday’s performance at Maxine’s.

 

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November 15: Thoughts for the Day

The key to having a good attitude, I’m coming to understand, is to acknowledge the lunacy of trying to convince highly opinionated and stunningly uninformed people to share one’s enlightened perspective.

Posted in Thoughts For the Day | 1 Comment