Recognizing Bias

When I write, whether fiction or essay or poetry or memoir, my intent is to write honestly. The challenge to writing honestly is two-fold. First, writing honestly requires the writer to both know truth and how to tell it and, second, the process exposes the writer to attacks for precisely the reason that he is who he is. If a writer wants to protect himself from withering attacks for his beliefs, he best not share them. If a writer wants to avoid giving readers the opportunity to use shame, guilt, and blame as tools against the writer (or as as excuses for the reader’s misfortunes), the writer either must not write or must not share what he has written. I choose to write, share what I’ve written (but not force anyone to read it), and express my opinions honestly. When I recognize them, I acknowledge my biases; even when I’m not sure bias helps shape my opinions, I try to examine my thoughts, with an eye toward finding hidden biases.

Bias, though, is not intrinsically evil. Bias offers a protective shield against a world gone awry. Bias alerts us to dangers that we may not even understand. We ought to listen to our biased reactions to the world in which we live, because those reactions can express truth we’d rather not know. So, what does that mean? Bias is good? No. Only that bias is a filter that offers us a warning. The warning may, indeed, be one directed outward to ugliness in our environment. Or, it may be directed inward, warning us against ourselves, against the imperfections within us that threaten our humanity.

The real threat of bias is that it tends to push us toward the fringes of belief. Bias pressures us to take an “all or nothing” stance on matters that, in the final analysis, don’t matter. Bias pushes us to take positions when we’re perfectly satisfied with ambiguity or undecided. Or when we’re too afraid to speak out on matters that, in our judgement, don’t warrant the risk that speaking out entails.

I think I may have crossed the threshold of being unwilling to put up with any of this anymore. If so, I will slink away without bravery or cowardice; I will just slip away. I’m tired of hatred and fury and suspicion and distrust. My principles won’t allow me to cave in to the times; they require me to slide away with a rage that no one hears. There’s no good reason that we’ve become what we’ve become; the only reasonable explanation is that humans are unworthy of their place on the planet. That is a position I can embrace with what little passion is left.

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Bogata

This set of interrelated vignettes sprang from my fingers with little prodding. I don’t know the whole story here; not even the main parts of it. But I know there’s a story beneath this scenario. I know there’s more than a vignette here; perhaps I have, indeed, found a piece of a story that will call out its brethren to form a whole. I’m not going to rush it, though. I have to allow myself to think through the before and the after, the beneath and the above, the injury and the salvation, the bondage and the escape. This beginning may actually build upon itself in ways of which I’ve only dreamt heretofore. But, of course, the possibility exists that these may be the final words of Clamber and Decker. I hope not. I sense there’s something here that begs to be written.

The volume of Clamber’s voice rose with each sentence, each syllable, until the last word sprang from his mouth as a scream.

“Why did you leave me in that godforsaken town, of all places? Couldn’t you have taken me to Dallas? Or Texarkana? Or anyplace with more people and more options?”

The old man shrugged and shook his head. The movement appeared to say “I don’t know.” But he didn’t speak. Instead, his chest heaved and stuttered; his body convulsed in a silent whimper, followed by another and another until, finally, audible sobs escaped his mouth and tears ran down his cheeks.

The anger in Clamber’s face softened as he watched his father cry. The shake of his head mimicked his father’s a moment earlier.

“I know you’re sorry for it, Pops, but I don’t know whether I can forgive you. I’m not even sure I ought to try. But I guess I will. So, yeah. The answer is yes. I’ll help you to the extent I can.”

Clamber Scoggins was fourteen years old , alone, and homeless when he started what would become an empire. He had been abandoned by his father, Decker Scoggins, at the Quick Stop gas station and convenience store in Bogata, Texas.

The abandonment was mildly civil, if such a thing can be said about leaving a child alone to fend for himself. Describing the desertion as civil is especially troubling because the act was done in a place so decidedly unfriendly to unattached children. Bogata, Texas, population twelve hundred, more or less—fifteen miles from, Clarksville, the county seat of Red River County, one of the poorest counties in Texas. Kids don’t do well in Bogata schools, nor in Bogata workplaces.

But leaving a child in Bogata doesn’t necessarily mean a child will stay in Bogata.

The boy Decker Scoggins left in Bogata, Texas was ungracefully thin and, at five feet two inches, short for his age. His dishwater blonde hair spilled in untrained layers over his ears, collar, and forehead, its haphazard asymmetrical cut suggesting an untrained home barber’s work. Clamber’s face was thin and, except for the natural smudges that build during days without washing, pale. Like his father, his eyes were big and brown and brooding, but unlike his father’s his eyes hid behind a pair of plastic, round-rimmed eyeglasses.

The elder Scoggins explained to his son what he was about to do.

“Clamber, I just can’t keep you no more. I’m leaving you almost all I got in the world, nearly five hundred dollars, so you can feed yourself while you look for somebody else to take care of you.

“I hate to do it, boy, but I just got no other choice. Here, this here money is for your front pocket and the rest is for the money belt I give you.”

Decker reached into the threadbare right rear pocket of his ancient jeans and drew out an old, faded, scarred wallet—the kind truckers carry; long, with a chain attached—and opened it. He pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and a thick, wrinkled envelope. He stuffed the bill in the left front pocket of Clamber’s faded jeans and handed the boy the envelope, which contained the remaining four hundred and seventy-one dollars.

Clamber stood holding the envelope, his head cocked slightly and his confused eyes searching for something to explain this odd interchange. He stared at his father. Decker stared back for several seconds, as if waiting for a reaction. When there was none, he continued.

“Come on, boy, put the rest of the money in the money belt before anybody sees you got it.”

“You’re gonna leave me here?”

“I told you, boy, I just can’t take care of you no more. I want you to find some nice family to look after you. Somebody don’t know me or my history.”

Now, if you or I were in that kid’s shoes, we would have started bawling our eyes out. But Clamber Scoggins, his bewildered gaze morphing into a look of acknowledgement, remained fixed on the man. His eyes betrayed no emotion; but if a boy’s vacant eyes could tell a story, his told that he understood and accepted what his father said.

“All right, then. I guess I better start looking for a place to be.”

With that, the boy turned and walked inside the convenience store. His father climbed into the cab of a chalky grey 1993 Ford F-150 pickup that once had been blue, now coated with dull orange dust, and drove off in the direction of Mount Pleasant.

Clamber turned and stared out the dirty window until his father’s truck disappeared from view.

“This the place to catch the bus?”

The clerk behind the counter, a thick and heavily-pimpled girl of no more than seventeen looked at him with dim beige eyes. “Yeah.”

“You got a schedule sayin’ what times the bus comes and where it goes?”

“Yeah. Look behind you on the wall.”

Clamber turned around and saw the bus schedule. His options were limited; the end of the line for the TRAX bus service appeared to be either Paris or Mount Pleasant.

“I’ll take a ticket to Paris on the 12:25 bus. It gonna be on time?”

“It usually is. You’ll know soon enough. Should be here in about thirty minutes. That’s three dollars.”

Clamber fished the twenty dollar bill from his jeans pocket and handed it to the clerk.

“Here’s your ticket and seventeen dollars in change. Anything else.”

“Nope.”

Clamber went back outside and leaned against the building. Forty minutes later, a transportation van, not a large bus like Clamber expected, arrived. After sorting through his confusion over whether this was his ride, he climbed inside and headed toward Paris. Clamber’s brief midday visit to Bogata that day was his last one as a poor boy, but not his last one as a foundling.

 

 

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Legacy

I’ve reflected on a number of things during these last few days, not the least of which is my legacy, or lack thereof. People with children might consider their children their legacy, but I have no children. People who build big, successful businesses structured to live on after them might consider the business their legacy, but I shut my business down and sold its assets so I could retire. People whose work has long-lasting positive effects on society or institutions might consider that work their legacy. But I think the vast majority of the rest of us who cannot point to children or businesses or impactful contributions to society have to come to grips with the fact that we may leave no legacy. That thought conjures up a recollection of something I wrote several years ago that included reference to what was described to me as a Jewish saying; it went something like this: “You die twice, once when you take your last breath and again when your name is spoken for the last time.”

The idea of a legacy is one that bothers me just a bit because it suggests (to me) leaving behind a timeless presence. How many people (or legends of people) in the history of humanity have, truly, left behind a timeless presence? Shakespeare? Yeah, probably. Plato? Yep. Aristotle? All right, yes. Jesus? Yeah. Einstein? Yep. Edison. Yes. Buddha? Yes. Okay, there are a bunch. But “a bunch” constitutes an infinitesimally small fraction of all of the people who have lived on earth. Most of our forebears are gone and utterly forgotten. Many of them, among them great philosophers and inventors, are just a whisper away from oblivion. How long will Cotton Mather’s legacy last? Speaking of cotton, will recollections of Eli Whitney’s name and his contributions to cotton’s place in the United States’ eighteenth and nineteenth century economies be eternal? What I’m suggesting here, of course, is that a legacy is a rarity and is, more often, a short-lived fable. But, still…

And that leaves me with my legacy. What do I want it to be? What CAN it be? The only thing left for me to leave as a legacy is my writing. My writing is the only “thing” of mine, truly mine, that has the potential of living beyond my last breath. And, so, I am thinking these days of how I might increase the odds of that happening. Still, though, it seems arrogant and egotistical to even think about such a topic. And maybe that’s exactly it. A legacy of arrogance and ego. This is not improving my attitude, not in the least. Maybe later, when I get home from a willing obligation, I will have a glass of wine and wonder whether I want to pursue this avenue of exploration, after all.

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Target

I plunge into the underbrush, slashing at chest-high weeds in the choking thicket, my machete in hand. Long since dulled against reeds and briars, the knife’s once razor-edged blade makes it more useful as a club than a sickle. The noise of cold steel rustling through dry grass and snapping brittle branches muffles the sounds of insistent legs thrashing through the path I’ve created behind me. But I hear those boots crashing through the bramble, muted though they are by my own frenzied progress. As the sounds of my pursuers grow louder, I stop to listen to their voices.

“Go ’round to the left, by the creek. You can move faster on the banks. Get in front of him and cut him off; I’ll close in behind.”

“Right. When you get to him, don’t shoot if you can help it. Do it quietly.”

I gently slither off the path I’ve created, into the thick grass away from the creek. I wait as the one closing in behind gets closer. My cudgel will slam into his forehead the moment he reaches the end of the path I’ve made for him. And, then, his gun will be mine. And his partner will be my target.

 

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More Emptiness

Emptiness is palpable. Its evidence inhabits every crack and crevice, every nick in an otherwise smooth surface. Negative space is the phrase artists use to describe the way space around or between objects define them and render them in multiple perspectives. But negative space is emptiness. It is matter turned on its head; it is the absence of substance. Lifetimes comprise the absence of emptiness. All the intricate pieces—the interwoven substance and experience and the web of interpersonal interactions—form cloth we drape around the cage within which we reside. But between those pieces are shreds of emptiness we didn’t even know were there. Hidden in that woven collage are conspicuous gaps, gaps we don’t want to see. We hope to remain blind to them; to keep them at bay. But emptiness is palpable. At some point, light penetrates that comfortable darkness with such brilliant clarity that every negative space casts a shadow a lifetime long.

I wrote of negative space a few months ago. It meaning has not changed since them; it presence in the form of emptiness has only become more precise, more clearly defined.

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Sudden Changes

Sudden shifts in my plans are nothing, not when those shifts are launched in response to massive dislocations in others’ lives. My wife and I had spent a very restive night at the Best Western Premier in Bryan, Texas, thanks to extremely thin walls and very loud neighbors; they were brothers who had loud voices and little need for sleep. After that unhappy night, we were on our way to visit my brother an hour or so drive away when I discovered that I had a voice message on my cell phone. It was a friend and former sister-in-law, explaining that her husband had suffered a major health trauma the night before; she asked us to call. The call had come in two or three hours earlier, but my phone is not reliable and, so, we did not know she had called until I just happened to check messages. I pulled over and returned the call; I got voice mail, so I left a message. I learned later she was with her husband, trying to keep him from pulling out IVs and the like in  his medicated state.  Shortly thereafter, I received a call from my niece, who said she was on her way to be with her mother. I allowed that we would return home if things looked like we might be needed. I would have turned and headed right home, but the previous night’s sleeplessness had resulted in our move to a new room when we got up that morning, and all our belongings were in the new room. Plus, we were heading to see my brother for a short visit. We decided to continue the visit.

A couple of hours later, we were on our way back to Bryan. Our plan was to visit the George H.W. Bush Presidential Library. We did. But we kept in touch, via traded messages. And we had another commitment, with other friends, in Tomball, for this morning. So we decided to stay over last night, zip over to Tomball, visit with friends, then head back to Hot Springs Village. And we did all that. Tonight, we are home; tired, beat, weary, but in far better shape than my friend. So, tomorrow I hope to visit him and offer some support and solace to his wife. I look forward to the time when this is an uncomfortable memory; when everything that caused the shift in plans is a memory with little import. That’s what I look forward to and hope for. But, life can change in an instant. Sudden changes can be wonderful or they can be catastrophic. These lessons matter.

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Yesterday’s Adventures

Last night, I indulged my newly-acquired affinity for Dutch crime dramas by watching the second component of the Department Q trilogy. Last evening’s treasure was entitled Department Q: The Absent Ones. Like the first in the series, the troubled and troublesome detective rips into cold cases with abandon. I enjoyed the film quite a lot; if one hasn’t seen the first one, though (Department Q: Keeper of Lost Causes), though, I would recommend watching that one first.  The next, and final (as far as I know) film in the series is entitled Department Q: A Conspiracy of Faith. I suspect I will be equally enamored of that one as I have been with the first two.

I was unaware of Jussi Adler-Olsen, the author upon whose international bestselling books the series is based. Having found the two films based on his Department Q series so engrossing, though, I think I’ll have to explore his books. Others in his Department Q series include: The Purity of Vengeance; The Hanging Girl; The Marco Effect; Guilt; Mercy; and Buried: Book 5. I’m concerned that I might be engrossed in the films due to the characters’ acting abilities and the allure of reading subtitles while watching Danish language films; the stories, on reflection, are not particularly riveting. I suppose the flaws in the main character (whose name is Carl Mørck, played by Nikolaj Lie Kaas) appeal to me because they describe or are quite similar in many ways to a few characters I’ve written and others who reside fully developed in my head. And the appeal may rest, in part, in the fact that Mørck is assisted in his efforts by Asaad (Fares Fares), who is (either I assume or learned in The Keeper of Lost Causes, I’m not sure which) a Middle Eastern immigrant. For whatever reason, I’ve become enamored with the Danish film series. I know I’ll watch Department Q: A Conspiracy of Faith; I have it on my ‘saved’ list on Netflix.

Aside from last night’s film fest, I experienced a full twenty-four hours. Yesterday started when my alarm ripped into my dreams at 5:15 a.m. (I had to set an alarm, just in case), alerting me to the fact that I needed to arise so I could take my neighbors to the airport in Little Rock. Following the drop off, my wife and I had breakfast at a place I believe is called Dan’s 1-30 Cafe.

Then, on our return, I left my wife at home while I went to the church I sometimes attend to listen to discussions about the possibility of engaging a new part-time minister. I succeeded in keeping my opinions largely to myself (I am not a member, therefore do not feel it is within my ‘rights’ to object to anything the organization does). But I did ask a question: how different have the ‘worship’ services been under a minister (the developmental guy they hired last summer) compared to the services organized by the church leadership? It did not surprise me to learn that several members support the idea of a minister because it reduces the work load on volunteers; but there were other reasons, as well, all legitimate, I think…just not convincing to the biased guy living inside my head. Were I a member of the group, I might have expressed my opinion that neither worship services nor a minister have any appeal. But probably not; that discussion took place before I started attending with any frequency. I suppose I’ll just sit back and continue to enjoy the ‘insight’ services and appreciate that the organization allows atheists to participate.

Upon my return from the congregational conversation as they called it, I again attacked the encroaching forest behind my house. With hand trimmer in hand, I snipped vines and branches, hoping to smooth over an unruly landscape. My efforts, though valiant, were insufficient to make a dent in the appearance of the tiny strip of land upon which I invested my efforts. Clearly, I will need to devote an entire day, perhaps an entire summer, the the chore. After I successfully fight back the hideous plant life, I’ll need to hire someone to help me by bringing in Visqueen and gravel and rock and pine bark mulch, along with youthful energy, to beautify the landscape and limit the forest’s invasion. None of this will continue this morning, though, as I will return to said building to church building engage in fellowship with others who may or may not share my nonreligious perspectives on life.

 

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Submission

Finally, after years of procrastination, delays, excuses, and other such “reasons” to explain the causes for my slothfulness, I am about to submit a short story for consideration for both a prize and publication. Though I have long wanted to, intended to, and planned to submit some of my writing for consideration to be published, I just haven’t done it. I suppose the bottom line reason is this: I’m lazy. Once I write something, the idea of editing it, polishing it, and going through the process of submitting it to an editor just turns me off. Perhaps it’s not just laziness, though; perhaps it’s the fear of rejection. But I really don’t think so; I think it’s because I’m a laggard. I really don’t worry much about being rejected; I expect it. Which probably explains my reluctance to go through the effort to put the stuff in front of someone who has the wherewithal to accept it for publication. What’s the point, after all, if the expectation is rejection? But, if I’m ever going to get anything published, I guess I have to start by submitting it for review. So, before the end of next week, I’ll finish the process of polishing and will follow the rules for submission. I wonder whether that will have the impact of breaking my slothful track record? Time will tell. I owe Maddie for the gentle nudge that got me off my duff.

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The Wild Hairs (or is it hares?) of the Forest Floor

I spent a good three hours blowing leaves again today. Well, much of the time was not spent blowing leaves but, instead, extracting the leaf blower’s extension cord from beneath boulders. I would not be surprised to discover my time dedicated to leaf blowing cut in half if I were to invest in a gasoline powered blower. But, no. I bought a new extension cord, instead; it was cheaper. Some days, I believe my miserly ways are genetically driven; I have no power to overcome them. But the equipment is not the issue here, is it? No, of course not.

The issue is the frequency, or lack thereof, of my engagement in what, until I moved to the Natural State, was known as yard work but, in light of where I live, is now known as forest control. Today’s paltry three hours constituted the proverbial drop in the bucket compared to the amount of time I really should have spent “spiffing up” the yard. In fact, if I were to spent three hours a day for the next thirty days, I would make only a moderate dent in what needs to be done. I actually rather enjoy working outdoors (and indoors, as in remodeling, etc.), but I recognize my limitations of skill, physical capacity, financial wherewithal, and (in the final analysis) drive. But what I could do if I had an eager and physically fit helper! Ach, that is not to be. So I will continue to chip away at the needed yard work, with the objective of finishing the required tasks in the second quarter of the twenty-eighth century.

Regardless of my inadequacies today in forest control, I feel like I got quite a lot done. The front forest floor looks decent, except for the visible black Visqueen that looks like the front forest floor has open wounds in need of tending. Actually, what those open wounds need is pine bark mulch to cover them. If I had convinced myself last week to buy the gold-colored Ford Ranger truck I desperately wanted, I could have gone out today and filled the bed with much-needed mulch. But I allowed myself to be swayed by my wife’s pleading eyes; I abandoned the truck, even though I’m convinced I could have bought it for less than $8,000. Ach! I suppose I can pay for a lot of mulch delivery (and forest control work) with that kind of money. But paying someone else will not give me six-pack abs. I need to remember that, in case I need it next time I get a wild hair to buy a truck (which could happen at any moment).

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Evidence

Evidence is merely a hindrance to alternate realities offered as facts,
an obstacle to be overcome in search of support for bias and lies
and ill-will in the name of power.

Evidence gets in the way of highly developed incompetence,
the sort of polished ineptitude presented with fanfare at
the blowing of trumpets for a psychotic monarch.

Evidence is an inconvenience, a beacon of unwelcome light, an ugly
illumination of jaundiced ideas cultivated under the approving
gazes of mentally anesthetized but willing slaves.

Evidence is meaningless in a rancid kitchen where the rotting
corpses of heroes are eaten in defiant acts of bigotry
disguised as rabid patriotism.

Evidence skirmishes against fallacy, falling victim to gas-lighting;
the obedient subjects agree: evidence deserves to be relegated to the
dark, dingy corners where truth goes to wither and die.

Evidence, unwilling to succumb to tampering, struggles to take another
breath and make another effort to reveal the lies; will evidence expose a final
opportunity for an insurrection of righteousness to prevail?

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Keeper of Lost Causes

There is no question: I have become enamored with Danish crime films. Tonight, I watched Department Q: Keeper of Lost Causes, a gritty thriller in which a troubled and troublesome homicide detective is punished for his bad behavior, after having been shot and nearly killed in a confrontation, by being assigned to a two-person department responsible only for sorting out and filing details about “cold cases.” The first case he selects is gripping, in the extreme, and commands the attention of the remainder of the film. After having watched the film, I went nosing about for reviews. I found this one, which I think offers the perfect synopsis and assessment. As I was reading the review, I got excited when I learned that the film I watched tonight is just one of a trilogy; perhaps I will seek out the remaining triplets tomorrow.

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Netflix Genre Category Listings

Netflix Genre Listings

When logged in to Netflix online, click on a genre selection below to see a complete list of current Netflix titles within the genre.

Action & Adventure
Action & Adventure, Classic
Action & Adventure, Crime
Action & Adventure, Independent
Action & Adventure, Foreign
Action & Adventure, Military
Action Comedies
Action SciFi & Adventure
Action Thrillers
Adult Animation
Adventures
Adventures, SciFi
African Movies
Alien SciFi
Animal Tales
Anime
Anime Action
Anime Comedies
Anime Dramas
Anime Fantasies
Anime Features
Anime Horrors
Anime SciFi
Anime Series
Art House Movies
Asian Action Movies
Australian Movies
B-Horror Movies
Baseball Movies
Basketball Movies
Belgian Movies
Biographical Documentaries
Biographical Dramas
Boxing Movies
British Movies
British TV Shows
Campy Movies
Children & Family Movies
Chinese Movies
Classic Action & Adventure
Classic Comedies
Classic Dramas
Classic Foreign Movies
Classic Movies
Classic Musicals
Classic Romantic Movies
Classic SciFi & Fantasy
Classic Thrillers
Classic TV Shows
Classic War Movies
Classic Westerns
Comedies
Comedies, Classic
Comedies, Cult
Comedies, Dark
Comedies, Foreign
Comedies, Horror
Comedies, Independent
Comedies, Late Night
Comedies, Political
Comedies, Romantic
Comedies, Screwball
Comedies, Slapstick
Comedies, Sports
Comedies, Stand-Up
Comedies, Teen
Comic Book & Superhero Movies
Country & Western/Folk
Courtroom Dramas
Creature Features
Crime Action & Adventure
Crime Documentaries
Crime Dramas
Crime Thrillers
Crime TV Shows
Cult Comedies
Cult Horror Movies
Cult Movies
Cult SciFi & Fantasy
Cult TV Shows
Dark Comedies
Deep Sea Horror Movies
Disney
Disney Musicals
Documentaries
Documentaries, Crime
Documentaries, Emotional
Documentaries, Foreign
Documentaries, Historical
Documentaries, Military
Documentaries, Music & Concert
Documentaries, Political
Documentaries, Religious
Documentaries, Science & Nature
Documentaries, Social & Cultural
Documentaries, Spiritual
Documentaries, Sports
Documentaries, Travel & Adventure
Documentaries, TV
Dramas
Dramas, Based on Books
Dramas, Based on Real Life
Dramas, Foreign
Dramas, Gay & Lesbian
Dramas, Independent
Dramas, Military
Dramas, Political
Dramas, Romantic
Dramas, SciFi
Dramas, Showbiz
Dramas, Social Issue
Dramas, Sports
Dramas, Teen
Dramas, TV
Dutch Movies
Eastern European Movies
Education for Kids
Epics
Experimental Movies
Faith & Spirituality
Faith & Spirituality Movies
Family Features
Fantasy Movies
Fantasy, SciFi
Film Noir
Food & Travel TV
Football Movies
Foreign, Action & Adventure
Foreign, Asian Action Movies
Foreign, African Movies
Foreign, Australian
Foreign, Belgian
Foreign, British Movies
Foreign, British TV Shows
Foreign, Comedies
Foreign, Documentaries
Foreign, Dramas
Foreign, Dutch Movies
Foreign, Eastern European Movies
Foreign, French Movies
Foreign, Gay & Lesbian Movies
Foreign, German Movies
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Foreign Horror Movies
Foreign, Indian Movies
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Foreign, Italian Movies
Foreign, Japanese Movies
Foreign, Korean Movies
Foreign, Korean TV Shows
Foreign, Latin American Movies
Foreign, Middle Eastern Movies
Foreign Movies
Foreign, New Zealand Movies
Foreign, Romantic Movies
Foreign, Russian
Foreign, Scandanavian Movies
Foreign, SciFi & Fantasy
Foreign, Southeast Asia Movies
Foreign, Spanish Movies
Foreign, Thrillers
French Movies
Gangster Movies
Gay & Lesbian Dramas
German Movies
Greek Movies
Historical Documentaries
Horror Comedies
Horror Movies
Horror, SciFi
Independent Action & Adventure
Independent Comedies
Independent Dramas
Independent Movies
Independent Thrillers
Indian Movies
Irish Movies
Italian Movies
Japanese Movies
Jazz & Easy Listening
Kids Faith & Spirituality
Kids Music
Kids TV
Korean Movies
Korean TV Shows
Late Night Comedies
Latin American Movies
Latin Music
Martial Arts Movies
Martial Arts, Boxing & Wrestling
Middle Eastern Movies
Military Action & Adventure
Military Documentaries
Military Dramas
Military TV Shows
Miniseries
Mockumentaries
Monster Movies
Movies Based on Children’s Books
Movies for Ages 0-2
Movies for Ages 2-4
Movies for Ages 5-7
Movies for Ages 8-10
Movies for Ages 11-12
Music
Music & Concert Documentaries
Musicals
Mysteries
New Zealand Movies
Period Pieces
Political Comedies
Political Documentaries
Political Dramas
Political Thrillers
Psychological Thrillers
Quirky Romance
Reality TV
Religious Documentaries
Rock & Pop Concerts
Romantic Comedies
Romantic Dramas
Romantic Favorites
Romantic Foreign Movies
Romantic Independent Movies
Romantic Movies
Russian
Satanic Stories
Satires
Scandanavian Movies
SciFi & Fantasy
SciFi Adventure
SciFi Dramas
SciFi Horror
SciFi Thriller
Science & Nature Documentaries
Science & Nature TV
Screwball Comedies
Showbiz Dramas
Showbiz Musicals
Silent Movies
Slapstick Comedies
Slasher & Serial Killer Movies
Soccer Movies
Social & Cultural Documentaries
Social Issue Dramas
Southeast Asia Movies
Spanish Movies
Spiritual Documentaries
Sports & Fitness
Sports Comedies
Sports Documentaries
Sports Dramas
Sports Movies
Spy Action & Adventure
Spy Thrillers
Stage Musicals
Stand-Up Comedy
Steamy Romance Movies
Steamy SciFi & Fantasy
Steamy Thrillers
Supernatural Horror Movies
Supernatural Thrillers
Tearjerkers
Teen Comedies
Teen Dramas
Teen Scream
Teen TV Shows
Thrillers
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When Life Gives You Radishes

I’m used to buying radishes with wilted, sickly, and unappetizing tops; I lop them off and discard them. But what does one do when one buys bunches of radishes who greens are healthy, vital, and flush with life? There was a time when I would have taken the opportunity to make radish top soup. But that was an era during which I would have been pleased to make a dish that included heavy cream and potatoes. No more. So, what does one do with healthy radish greens after that era has passed? If one is me, and I am, one makes mulor shaak, a Bengali dish I found when consulting with Father Google about my conundrum. According to Father Google’s assistant—a blog called Aahar (a Hindi word meaning, as I understand it, food)—one happy use is to make mulor shaak, which I did. The photo here is the finished product, ready to be eaten. According to Aahar, mulor shaak is a dish served as a first course in Bengali households. I looked around and thought to myself, I can imagine this being a Bengali household, then went to work.

There’s not much to it, really. Wash and chop the radish greens, dice a green chile (I used a serrano pepper), heat some oil in a pan, and “temper” the oil with a red chile (I used a dried chile arbol) and some kalo jeera (black cumin). Then dump in the chopped greens, a pinch of tumeric powder, and the serrano pepper. While the mixture is cooking (on medium heat), toast three-quarters of a tablespoon of sliced almonds and then add them to the greens. Stir until you’re satisfied the dish is sufficiently cooked to be chewable; eat it. I calculated the calorie count of the dish as something in the neighborhood of 50-60, which translates into 25-30 per serving; pretty monstrous lunch, huh? I expect to munch on a little something extra after awhile, though, so my lunch calorie count probably will near two hundred calories by the time all is said and done.

My wife was not ecstatic about the meal, but she tolerates my food fetishes rather well, so she ate it and said it was interesting, but not something she’d actively plan to make in the future. I allowed as how I would, if there were healthy radish greens on hand. She countered by suggesting we might want to include the radish greens in addition to (or maybe even in place of) spinach in various Indian dishes we make on occasion. I was satisfied with that. When life gives you radishes, you make…do.

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More, More, More…Like an Eel

How can something so small, so irrelevant, matter? That question plagues us all and has done for centuries. Our answers never even approach truth, though, because we ask them defensively, as if we want to avoid hearing answers that would reveal who we are. And that is a shame, isn’t it? Wouldn’t the truth enable us to ferret out the ugly little viral strings that infect our thinking? Wouldn’t the truth open windows or, at the very least, wipe them clean to improve our view?

I just had a textual interchange with a friend. It could have become a more engaging conversation. But none of us are willing to open ourselves up to revealing the cracks in our fragile façades. None of us will freely admit to flaws so flagrantly and diametrically opposed to our social mores, yet so powerfully attractive and magnetic, yet genuinely fulsome. We humans are unwilling to explore the mistakes in our psyches. We avoid admitting the possibility that flaws course through our veins alongside our blood.

I felt an urge to document my thoughts; the question, of course, will be whether I can decode my message to myself in the days and months and years hence.

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Shirting Along

For reasons beyond my capacity to understand, my thoughts of late drift toward shirts I want but do not own—have never owned—and, to my recollection, have never even seen for sale. I’ve seen these clothes, but only rarely being worn. I recall seeing men on television wearing them and, on occasion, I remember photos. The recollection of the photos prompted me, last night, to go exploring, using Father Google as my guide.

I did not know what to call these shirts—still don’t—but I decided after long guided explorations of Father Google’s shadowy netherworld to call them either dashiki shirts or tunic-style shirts (perhaps both). The term “dashiki shirts,” though, seems always to correspond to images of brilliant-colored geometric patterns scooping from the neckline to the lower waist, in a “vee” pattern. Tunic-style shirts tend to refer to a broader range of design, but often without the requisite colors and geometric displays. Perhaps I’m after a hybrid; yes, that’s my objective, a hybrid piece of attire suited to my body, my taste, and tailored to my comfort.

The provenance of these shirts is cloudy, but for a variety of reasons I believe they are of African origin. Most of the images I’ve found in Father Google’s private collection sport elaborate batik designs and most of the models wearing them are Black. Both male and female models wear them; the few white models I’ve come across tend to wear more muted designs. I gather, too, the shirts were high fashion in hippiedom before I became conscious of hippiedom; several of the older images I’ve found are from Simplicity Patterns. Once such pattern I came across was labeled “Vintage 70s MENS Hippie Tunic Top Pattern / Mens Dashiki Pullover Shirt Pattern/Simplicity 7441.” That one, though, is a long-sleeved version; nothing wrong with that, but I began my quest with spring and summer attire in mind.

All of this fashionista-thinking takes me back to thoughts I’ve had in the not-too-distant past when I was (and, in all honesty, I remain) intrigued by clothing popular in other cultures. For example, a couple of years ago I explored churidar pyjamas and lungi (both pants) and kurta (shirts) of the Indian subcontinent, more than half-hoping I could either find those articles of clothing to buy or patterns I could use to make them (which would require the acquisition of a sewing machine and the skills to use it, not to mention the missing knowledge of the behaviors of specific types of cloth when sewn). As it happens, kurta appear to me to be quite similar to dashiki/tunic shirts, though the former tend to be much longer, their bottom hems falling below the knees. Dashiki/tunic shirts look to me to be equally as comfortable and probably would prompt fewer stares from dim-witted bumpkins (I really did not need to sully this post with my prejudicial bias, did I?).

And, so that marks the beginning of another Saturday, an early-February morning on which yet another weight record has fallen; down 18.8 pounds. At the current rate of shrinkage, I might actually look presentable in a dashiki/tunic shirt by the time I acquire a sewing machine and learn to use it.

 

 

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Stretch

Coincidence. That’s what it was. It wasn’t a sign, a divine guidepost. It was no marker signaling the completion of the first third of a journey. It was just a coincidence. Happenstance. An artificial contrivance born of the juxtaposition of wishes and measures, weights and wants. That having been said, as I measured the distance between post and passion, the correlation struck me. Oh the synchronicity, the symbolism! Or, at least, I was struck by my ability to so swiftly shed skepticism (amid the ever-present allure of alliteration).

The reality is this: mathematics controls us. Mathematics and the purity with which it demonstrates relationships is astonishing. How could it be, I asked myself, that on this first day I assessed my progress toward an artificial goal, the relationship between the goal and the progress made toward reaching it could be so precise? An ounce either way and the relationship would have been complex, messy, littered with imprecision. But there was no imprecision to cloud the relationship; it was as clear as a flawless crystal goblet in pure water unsullied with bubbles or debris or the distraction of refracted light.

One third of the way toward a meaningless, yet magically important, goal. I measured seventeen against fifty-one and there is was: one third of fifty-one is seventeen. Seventeen is one third of fifty-one. If I multiply seventeen by two, the product is thirty-four; fifty-one minus thirty-four leaves seventeen. Magical! So, as of this morning (and yesterday morning, too, to be honest), I have shed one third of my somewhat arbitrary weight loss goal. Now, amid this numerological mysticism and math-worship, I must come to acknowledge that the objective, especially its arbitrary nature, speaks volumes of the point I made when I began this tirade: it’s coincidence, pure and simple. But what if the objective were off by one-third from what it should have been? What if, instead of fifty-one, the objective should have been sixty-eight (that is, one third more than the original number)? Look at the relationship with THAT number! Seventeen is one-fourth of sixty-eight! The magic and majesty of mathematics survives even massive errors in goal-setting! In either case, though, I’ve shed a sizeable fraction (one-fourth to one-third) of a frivously-fashioned aim.

The next analysis, I think, ought to include a reasoned judgement of whether fifty-one or sixty-eight is the proper target or whether the correct figure is somewhere above or below those lofty goals. I’m leaning toward recognizing my progress as just the first quarter of a quartet. It pays to hold oneself accountable to stretch goals; in the battle between one seventy-five versus one fifty-eight, the light is at the far end of the tunnel.

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Coward

Last night comprised a flurry of ugly dreams, all tangled in a ball of razor wire twine amid constraints as confining as a straight-jacket. I remember the fuzzy details of only one of the night’s experiential horrors. I was walking along a city street behind a couple of guys who, when accosted by a small group of men, shouted loudly and pointed to me before they ran away. Their attackers then turned their attention to me; they demanded my money, without showing weapons or otherwise demonstrating their intent to do me harm if I did not comply; but it was evident to me they would kill me if I did not give them my money.

“How much?” I asked.

“Everything,” one of them responded.

“I need some just to get home.”

“Everything, if you want to get home.”

I considered fighting, but was too afraid. So I gave them everything. And then they let me walk away. I did not know where I was, nor how to get home. As I came upon a bus stop, I found a sack—filled with quarters and half-dollars—in a muddy gutter. As I fumbled through the coins to count bus fare, a feeling of utter failure swept over me. I hadn’t even attempted to fight; I sense that everyone standing around me at the bus stop knew I was a coward, an irredeemable coward.

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Ending

I’m shattering into a thousand pieces, as if I were a piece of glass dropped from a cliff to a stone pad far below. There’s nothing to be done; just accept the ending, as if it were destined to be. For it was. It was always destined to end; we simply didn’t accept it because endings are so final and so devastating. But that’s just how endings are. Hopes and dreams and wishes collide with the demonic reality of chaos and the fierce rage of a world in which pity and empathy are inconvenient lies swept up in clouds of ragged egotism. And that’s how it ends. That’s how the noble experiment finishes its impoverished run.

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Girls’ Night Out

When the girls go out, this boy plays! While my wife and her entourage go to Charlie’s for pizza and a girl party, I cook up my own excitement. Here is my alluring dinner, one I can make only when I am the sole diner. Cauliflower, fried onions, a can of Rotel tomatoes and green chiles, green beans, and a very healthy amount of Mexene chile powder, cumin, salt, garlic salt, and my magical touch. Home alone, lord of my dominion, and ready for Netflix to indulge my fantasies.

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Now

Never before have we experienced a February 1, 2017 like this one. And never will we again. This is our one and only chance to take advantage of all that February 1, 2017 has to offer. This tiny slice of time—carved off the outer edges of an infinitesimal fraction of an almost invisible sliver of a moment too fleeting to be noticed except through our monstrously brief experience—represents every hope and every dream and every fear we’ve ever felt. Today. Now. This instant. It’s all we have. History is unbending. The future is not assured. We have only now. But that’s true of every moment, isn’t it? The accounting of our treasury relies, always, on how we bank the only moment available to us.

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Shocking Revelations

Several days ago, we went to a wine tasting dinner. There, I learned quite a lot about a couple who joined our table as the evening was drawing to a close. Based on what I learned during the waning moments of our enjoyable evening, I pursued my knowledge about the couple we met. What I learned scared me. The fear did not arise from what I learned about the couple, but how quickly and easily I learned so very much about them, based only on a few casual comments during conversation.

Then, today, after I posted some comments, in response to someone I thought exhibited stupidity of a high order, on a national website, it occurred to me that the target of my contempt could easily find more about me. Even though my Facebook profile is sparse to non-friends, my name is there. And, from that, my blog is easily found. As is my address. And my political leanings are open books to anyone caring to search for my political attitudes; they’re all “out there” on social media and like places.

We readily, and without much thought, reveal far too much to far too many people. Without looking back (and only just thinking briefly about what I’ve written), I realize I have revealed so much about myself that I have no hope for ever clutching onto real, comforting privacy. I’ve said too much. I’ve expressed opinions about politics, sex, religion, war, drugs, reading, farming, foods, misery, poetry, writing, deviance, disease, lust, orgasms (I seem to have suggested that more than once), heart disease, racism, poverty, racism, wind power…god, the list is endless. Were I the deviant bastard I think is lurking just beyond the doorway, I could have ammunition for a dozen lifetimes of extortion.

I bet I’m not alone. I’ll bet I know people nearby who would not want me to publish what they think I know about them. And I probably won’t. But I might. I might, especially, if I need funds to finance my relocation to Central America.

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To Kill or be Killed

Just for the record, here’s what I think Trump and team are planning and how I expect things to play out:

  1. More of the same with regard to Muslim bans; it will get far, far worse.
  2. As crowds protest, loudly, Steve Bannon and friends will insert violent plants into the crowds so there will be violence; that will open the door to Trump’s initial declarations of martial law.
  3. After initial proclamations of martial law, the resistance will grow stronger and Trump and team will clamp down harder, effectively instituting a police state.
  4. During these “law and order” activities, Trump and his gang of thugs will beat the drums of patriotism and encourage “patriots” to help “take care” of the resistance; this civil war mentality will take hold, especially in places where Trump’s uneducated, red-meat-eating base is violence-prone and well-armed.
  5. The media will come under intensifying pressure from Trump and team, who will increasingly convince their supporters than nothing in the media can be believed except what Donald Trump says and tweets is true; the media will come under assault (actual, physical assault) by the same base mentioned in number 4 above.
  6. The Republican majority in Congress will continue to kowtow to Trump, expecting him to “reward” them for their loyalty; when Trump and his Gestapo finish using the spineless bastards, they will dispatch the loyalists in one way or another…to jails, to prisons, or to their graves.
  7. During the course of all of this, Trump and his henchmen will use their propaganda machines to continue to try to convince the US citizenry and the world to believe he’s just doing things on a “temporary” basis until he can “fix” the problems he promised to fix.  A clue for you: that’s bullshit and always has been.
  8. Somewhere along the line, the resistance, and there will be mighty resistance, will be working to find political ways to address the takeover of American democracy. They will fail, because they will be unable to find political means; political solutions would require a majority in Congress with a spine and an ounce of honor, a missing key element.
  9. The “fringes” of the resistance, realizing very early on that the  only way to save American democracy is to engage in unspeakable acts of horror, will carefully plan how and when to use such acts. And they will use them. And the explosive climax to the battle for decency and democracy will determine whether it will be the cadre of lunatics, including Trump, or democracy that survives; one or the other will, but certainly not both.

Do I hope my outline turns out to be utterly wrong-headed? Of course. Do I have hope that I am wrong? No. But I want so fervently to discover that my assessment of the mentally-ill monster elected to “rule” our country and “ruin” the world in which we live is wrong is fundamentally flawed. I want so much for my analysis to be wrong. But I see too many parallels with history and too much evidence, in the gushers of lies spewing from his administration and his own twisted, demonic mouth, to think anything but the worst.

Could this all be fiction? Yes. Is it? I wish it were so.

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These are the Times…

“THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.”

~ Thomas Paine, The Crisis

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World Tour of Wines 3: For the Record

Last night’s World Tour of Wines was the third in a series. I should have recorded the menus from the first two, but I did not. Better a last start than no start at all. First, what I remember from the first two: 1) First one was French wine and food; food served buffet style inside auditorium at Coronado Center; 2) Second was German wine and beer and food; table service outside on the patio at Coronado Center. Now, on to last night’s wine and food of Spain:

Wines served:

  1. Freixenet Cordon Negro Brut; sparkling wine. Not bad at all; I’m not a sparkling wine afficionado, but this stuff was nice and crisp, relatively dry. Retail price: $11/bottle.
  2. Campo Viejo Rioja Tempranillo; dry red. Nice wine, soft and mellow. Served with the appetizer (bacon-wrapped shrimp and chorizo), but marketed as good for any types of lamb dishes. Retail price: $13/bottle. (Someone at the table said the same wine, but the “reserva” version, is better.)
  3. Laxas Albariño (moderately dry, labeled as white, but looked more like a rosé). I’ve never had an albariño that looked or tasted like this. I was not terribly impressed; decent, but I would not buy it. I’d go for a more “traditional” albariño that’s actually white and with a dry character. Retail price: $17/bottle.
  4. Borsao “Tres Picos” Garnacha Camp de Borja; moderately dry garnache. Tasty, but not sufficiently so to warrant the price tag (in my miserly opinion). Retail price: $17/bottle.
  5. Marqués de Cáceres Rioja Blanco; a little sweeter than I usually like, but decent stuff. I’d buy a bottle. Retail price: $13/bottle.
  6. Besllum Montsant; red. A nice, peppery red, with plenty of flavor. But, again, I’m a miserly type and the price would steer me clear of it. Retail price: $19/bottle.

Meal:

  1. Camarones tapas con salchichi (bacon-wrapped shrimp tapas with sliced Spanish chorizo); very nice appetizer. I was impressed.
  2. Ensalada organica variada (romaine lettuce and tomato, with hard-boiled egg, tuna, olives, red onion, a touch of balsamic vinegar). It was perfectly acceptable.
  3. Pechuga de polla a la plancha con patatas fritas. Grilled chicken breast with fried potatoes and a tiny spring of rosemary alongside. Perfectly acceptable.
  4. Flan de naranja. Flan with orange sauce. Decent.

I liked the chorizo. I inquired of Richard Wittman (who catered the affair). He said he buys it at Whole Foods which is, as far as he knows, the only place to buy it around here. I don’t know the brand, but I suspect I can find it if I look at Whole Foods.

Enjoyed talking with: Kathy, Bill, Paul, Rose, Dee, Jerry, Fred, and Glenda (the latter two who we invited to join us around dessert time, as they had been seated alone at the only two-top in the room (they arrived late). They work in Little Rock but live in the Village (recent residents); she retires at the end of May.

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A Song for You

If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn,
they will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.

Who, on reading or listening to those words from Leonard Cohen’s Sisters of Mercy, doesn’t long to be cradled in the comforting arms of the Sisters of Mercy?  And, then, when you listen more, you know he’s speaking directly to you:

Yes, you who must leave everything that you cannot control
It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul.
Well, I’ve been where you’re hanging, I think I can see how you’re pinned.
When you’re not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you’ve sinned.

He wrote that song for you, for all of you who’ve been travelling so long.

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