Category Archives: Uncategorized

Ascetic Dreamer

I call it slow-motion impulse buying. It is a protracted process whereby an inevitable but utterly unnecessary purchase takes place following a period of weeks…months, sometimes…of ongoing self-persuasion and justification. So it was with my purchase of a 2010 year-old … Continue reading

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Narcolepsy, Perhaps?

Nothing—except sleep—holds much appeal for me lately. I am not necessarily as tired as I have been; I simply want to sleep. And the passion I usually have for writing…transferring thoughts from my mind to my fingers to the screen…no … Continue reading

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Uninstructive Memories

Years ago, I was offered a job as executive director of an engineering association headquartered in Morgantown, West Virginia. The salary was good, its location—in a college town—was appealing, and I was ready to make a move. But when I … Continue reading

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A Pinch of Cyanide

Creativity apparently can fall victim to…something. That something could be a response to massive repetitive doses of pharmaceutical drugs, excessive sleep, anxiety, allergic reactions to plant-based allergens, or a million other numbing influences. Whatever it is, my compete lack of … Continue reading

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Philosophical Mindweather

Does one find the purpose in life? Or, does one create purpose? Is the very idea of an intrinsic purpose in life simply wishful thinking? There must be thousands of philosophies relating to life’s purpose, most of which are based … Continue reading

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Embrace

Today has been clear and warm, as I understand it. Outside, that is. Inside, I have remained hidden from the bright sun and have protected myself from the cool indoor temperatures by nestling beneath sheets and a moderately light comforter. … Continue reading

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Again

We classify what, where, when, how, and why we write, I suppose, according to our need for order. For the comfort of logic—and in accord with how we have been taught to think. The rationale underlying the words we record … Continue reading

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Try Again

I have been sitting in front of my computer screen for fifteen minutes or more, trying to think of something to write. Nothing comes to mind. In fact, I realize I nod off every few seconds. There is nothing wrong … Continue reading

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Totality

Thoracentesis is an invasive procedure that removes liquid or air from the pleural space—the gap between the inner chest wall and the lungs. Yesterday, after a quick review of an X-ray, the pulmonologist said he would perform a thoracentesis on … Continue reading

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Pass the Sodium Pentothal

The male of the human species is not necessarily shallow, but neither is he deep. If he daydreams—if he allows his mind to indulge in innocuous woolgathering—he generally keeps those distractions to himself. Explaining why he loses himself in fantasy … Continue reading

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Flippancy

A new set of sheets, freshly washed, and a new mattress pad, soft and lush from the dryer. When I got into bed last night, the luxury reminded me of the bedding experience one finds in the finest five-star hotels; … Continue reading

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Los Viejos Narcotraficantes

We have access to hundreds—perhaps thousands—of available sources for news around the globe, yet the number of unique topics emerging from them constitutes just a fraction of that larger number. Whether our news of choice is from CNN, FoxNews, the … Continue reading

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Dilemma

A headache sometime in the wee hours further disrupted an already less-than-stellar period of sleep. But the dream that occurred before or after the headache was even more disturbing than the headache. In the dream, I had just stolen a … Continue reading

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Maddening and Edible

A piece of rare salmon, lightly sautéed in a pan on the stovetop and drizzled with fresh lemon juice, alongside a small dollop of white rice flavored with a mixture of soy sauce and wasabi. But that’s not all, of … Continue reading

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As Fogs Go

My estimate—that I would spend between one and four hours yesterday getting a blood transfusion—was low. From the moment I walked in the door until the conclusion of the process, six and one-half hours had passed. The transfusions—two units of … Continue reading

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There Will Be Transfused Blood

Not long after I returned home from my oncologist’s office yesterday afternoon, where I had blood drawn and was infused with magnesium—the time was sometime between 4 and 5—I got a call from a nurse. She said the doctor’s APRN … Continue reading

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Finger-Thoughts

For the first time in quite a while, I returned to evening television recently. Until just a few days ago, my fatigue/exhaustion/extreme tiredness had me in bed, asleep, very early. But I managed to stay awake long enough to begin … Continue reading

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Fantasies in Fruitland

Twelve hours in bed. Roughly ten or eleven hours of sleep. Aches in both shoulders. My complains are minor, though. I woke to read news that a church friend has decided to go into hospice at home, following his lingering … Continue reading

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Balloons

The real estate business model, some experts claim, is being demolished by the settlement effectively accepted by the National Association of Realtors. The model, in which the seller pays the commissions for both seller and buyer, could drive home prices … Continue reading

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Recuerdo: Más sabe el diablo por viejo, no que por diablo

Yesterday afternoon, again, I sat in a treatment chair at my oncologist’s office. A nurse plunged a needle into the infus-a-port in my chest, then attached to the port a hypodermic needle that flushed the port with saline solution. She … Continue reading

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Mulling It Over

Depression has stalked me intermittently over the years, although I usually tend to deny I am depressed. I remember a time, about fourteen years ago, when a friend suggested to me that I was in the midst of what she … Continue reading

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So Very Brief

I had hoped and expected the chemotherapy regimen would have concluded by now, but my blood continues to be quite low on magnesium. So, at least four of five “work-days” this week will include a visit to the oncologist’s office, … Continue reading

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Rest My Fingers

Disarray describes my desk. It’s not laziness that keeps me from organizing the piles of paper and assorted odds and ends littering my office. Lethargy, a non-blood cousin, is responsible. In my opinion, lethargy does not suggest apathy or indifference. … Continue reading

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Stink-Eye

A drink of cool water—before making espresso, before swallowing a handful of pills, before feeding the cat, before thinking about and then deciding to ignore a few dishes left in the sink overnight—welcomes me to pre-dawn darkness. We are fortunate … Continue reading

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Doing the Trick?

My oncologist’s smile yesterday was a delight—she appeared genuinely happy to report to me the results of my Wednesday PET-scan. Although the cancer remains in evidence, the scan revealed that its presence was greatly diminished. Her follow-up written report, posted … Continue reading

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