Category Archives: Depression

Unbearable Ennui

Posted on May 18, 2020 by John Swinburn

Perhaps the enormous consequences of the pandemic are only now beginning to sink in. Maybe that is why, this morning, I feel fragile; as if I were a hollow vessel whose skin is a microscopically-thin crystalline membrane left behind when … Continue reading →

Posted in Anger, Depression, Fear | Leave a comment

Confronting Two Enemies

Posted on March 14, 2020 by John Swinburn

In the wake of a growing concern about a mysterious disease, when will a gnawing worry evolve into fear? What incident will cause fear to mushroom into terror, breeding deep suspicion of anyone outside our immediate circle? At what point … Continue reading →

Posted in Covid-19, Depression, Health, Hope, Philosophy | Leave a comment

Mental Health and Healing

Posted on December 4, 2019 by John Swinburn

When my creativity wanes, as it has of late, I notice gaping holes in my imagination. I suppose those are synonymous. What I notice more acutely is that there’s a very strong correlation between my creativity and my sense of … Continue reading →

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Recalling Darkness

Posted on December 1, 2019 by John Swinburn

Two years ago today, I wrote a post on Facebook that, in both immediate and distant hindsight, I realize did not belong on Facebook. But at least Facebook reminded me it is still there. It may not have belonged anywhere. … Continue reading →

Posted in Compassion, Depression | Leave a comment

Jeremiad

Posted on June 23, 2019 by John Swinburn

As I skim materials I’ve written in months and years past, I realize my collected works could well be called Jeremiad. That is,  “a prolonged lamentation or mournful complaint.” Also, “a cautionary or angry harangue.” Those definitions come from Merriam-Webster’s … Continue reading →

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Someone Else

Posted on June 16, 2019 by John Swinburn

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? I came upon this pithy aphorism-in-the-form-of-a-question while I was searching for the words of a common platitude that admonishes us to refrain from comparing ourselves … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Philosophy | Leave a comment

Worry Does No Good

Posted on May 15, 2019 by John Swinburn

Most of the time, I succeed at keeping my health off my mind. But sometimes the topic surfaces and swings a machete, as if it has been waiting just beneath the surface of my consciousness for the the ideal time … Continue reading →

Posted in Cancer, Depression, Emotion, Health | 2 Comments

Mental Sprawl

Posted on February 7, 2019 by John Swinburn

According to a news story I read a day or two ago, scientists or physicians or some other academically qualified researchers have determined that anger can be a symptom of depression. As I recall, the piece suggested that people who … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Weather, Writing | Leave a comment

Fog and Mist: People and Countries Get Sick and Die

Posted on January 13, 2017 by John Swinburn

I learned recently that two friends had heart attacks a few nights ago.  They inhabit opposite ends of the political spectrum, so I can’t blame fear of the nightmare that is about to befall the United States (and the world) for their personal catastrophes. … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Politics | Leave a comment

A Turn of Phrase

Posted on December 22, 2016 by John Swinburn

I suspect this is the sixth or seventh time I’ve written about the French phrase, Le jeu n’en vaut pas la chandelle, translated into English as “the game is not worth the candle.” The phrase sums up feelings of depression … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Language | Leave a comment

Inching Away from the Edge

Posted on September 3, 2016 by John Swinburn

Some days—and today is one of them—I wish I could start over. From the beginning. Well, from the time I was in high school. My decisions, my choices, my interests; they would be so very different. I would listen more … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 1 Comment

Musings on the Day After the Fourth

Posted on July 5, 2016 by John Swinburn

Last night, I sat on my deck watching explosions of fireworks in the deep distance and hearing the faint percussive thuds of the remote blasts. The air was hot and muggy, defining July in central Arkansas (and much of my home state of … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Frustration, Independence Day, Philosophy, Politics, Rant | 2 Comments

Life of the Party

Posted on December 29, 2015 by John Swinburn

Some people thrive on their reputations, crafted with meticulous care. They seem to believe their own hype, buying into the stories they tell others in their efforts to be more vibrant, more alive, more interesting. I know this because I’ve … Continue reading →

Posted in Compassion, Depression, Empathy | Leave a comment

Revealing What’s Underneath

Posted on June 3, 2015 by John Swinburn

You may not want to read this. Especially if you’re not on a high note at the moment. Sometimes, I just write stuff that can’t help but ruin a mood. There’s no question, I sometimes write some pretty strange stuff. The scenes … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Emotion, Just Thinking, Philosophy, Writing | 3 Comments

Shreds

Posted on April 28, 2015 by John Swinburn

His eyes reflect his posturing, that ugly affect meant to intimidate those who would oppose him. Looking deeply into those eyes, though, one sees the abject terror within, the fright that bubbles up from the core. His only weapon—the hatred that rips even … Continue reading →

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About Last Night and Tomorrow

Posted on December 19, 2014 by John Swinburn

Our next door neighbors invited us to dinner last night, along with a couple up the street (at whose house my wife plays cards on Tuesday nights) and my wife’s sister. It was an early event, beginning at four o’clock … Continue reading →

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I Think I Understand

Posted on August 16, 2014 by John Swinburn

There’s so much debate over Robin Williams’ suicide lately; it gets to me.  His death is tragic. His life was a gift to everyone who had the good fortune to pass his way, whether face-to-face or in theaters or in … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 2 Comments

Just Moods of Despair

Posted on July 28, 2014 by John Swinburn

Last night, as I sat in front of the television, listening to music piped in by DirecTV, I felt like a sad loser. There was nothing on television worth watching. There rarely is. So, I decided to listen to what … Continue reading →

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Taking Up Space

Posted on November 24, 2013 by John Swinburn

There are times I feel like I have a dependency, as if I have no control over things my brain craves in an almost physical sense. Facebook. Yes, Facebook.  I swore it off for a while and it was not … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 6 Comments

Melancholia

Posted on November 21, 2013 by John Swinburn

I wonder why melancholy sometimes overtakes us without warning?  No precipitating event, just a rush of sadness that paints everything with a wash of tears.  Vague regrets, unknown losses, and unspoken yet unmet hopes and dreams combine to fill the … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 2 Comments

Antisocial

Posted on August 5, 2013 by John Swinburn

On occasion, I find myself feeling especially antisocial.  I feel utterly disinterested in conversation, in fact completely opposed to any interaction of whatever kind.  Today is one of those occasions.  I have an inkling of what brought it on this … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 2 Comments

Ennui of a Deeply Personal Nature

Posted on November 14, 2012 by John Swinburn

I have not been in the mood to write much of late. but I thought I should post a few notes just to prove to myself that I remain moderately alive. The reasons for my lack of interest in recording … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression | 3 Comments

Damn

Posted on September 23, 2012 by John Swinburn

Today.  What about today?  Nothing of any real import, but I am not happy about it.  I have not been able to address the world the way the world deserves to be addressed.   Such is life.  That is the … Continue reading →

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