Category Archives: Emotion

Dimming of the Day

Posted on August 26, 2020 by John Swinburn

This song has been playing and replaying in my mind for days, though I do not know why. It is among my most favorite pieces of music. Because it has been so prominent in my recent thought processes, I thought … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Music | 3 Comments

Armor Disguised as an Attitude

Posted on August 26, 2020 by John Swinburn

Flippancy, often taken as frivolous insincerity, can serve as a protective façade; an emotional cloak that behaves like a dam against tears. That hidden function can mislead the casual observer, and even those intimately familiar with the purveyor of flippancy, … Continue reading →

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I Can’t Write this Morning

Posted on July 24, 2020 by John Swinburn

I can’t write this morning. Writing suddenly seems a luxury, a shameful waste in the face of real necessity. My mood will change, I’m sure. I am fortunate, in that it always does. But maybe it shouldn’t. Maybe the escape … Continue reading →

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Inside Stories

Posted on July 10, 2020 by John Swinburn

If I wrote what’s really on my mind this morning, people who read it might feel compelled to alert the authorities that they think I might be suicidal. I am not. If I wrote what’s bothering me, I might be … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion | 4 Comments

Musical Provocation

Posted on April 26, 2020 by John Swinburn

I listened to a mariachi version of Laura’s Theme from Doctor Zhivago yesterday afternoon, thanks to an email message Gustavo Arellano sent to his followers. Arellano is best known for his “Ask a Mexican” syndicated column that originated with the … Continue reading →

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Perils of Finding Solace in Food

Posted on February 29, 2020 by John Swinburn

When my concerns are too personal and too emotional to share with those closest to me—even with myself—I tend to turn my thoughts to food. It’s no mistake that the word “comfort” is so often associated with food. Whether a … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Food, Pain, Philosophy | Leave a comment

Musing on Health and Such

Posted on February 15, 2020 by John Swinburn

Age is the enemy of good health; the greater the age, the more powerful the enemy. That is not always true, of course, but lately it seems to be an increasingly factual axiom. As I age, I increasingly engage in … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Health, Logic, Mortality | 1 Comment

Memories of Physical and Emotional Pain

Posted on December 14, 2019 by John Swinburn

I once was referred to a neurological specialist who, the referring specialist doctor said, would attempt to “replicate the pain” I had earlier felt in my neck and shoulder. Instantly, I decided against accepting the referral because I did not … Continue reading →

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What Once was Vibrant

Posted on December 7, 2019 by John Swinburn

For the only time I can remember, this morning I pondered about how my emotions may have changed during the course of my sixty-six years. A piece of semi-autobiographical fiction (is that even a realistic category?) I began writing last … Continue reading →

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Mental Health and Healing

Posted on December 4, 2019 by John Swinburn

When my creativity wanes, as it has of late, I notice gaping holes in my imagination. I suppose those are synonymous. What I notice more acutely is that there’s a very strong correlation between my creativity and my sense of … Continue reading →

Posted in Depression, Emotion | Leave a comment

Roller-Coaster

Posted on November 18, 2019 by John Swinburn

A group of people from the Writers’ Club and a few spouses will come to the house this afternoon for wine and hors d’oeuvres and a read-around. We’re expecting to have around thirteen people, all-inclusive. Early this morning (up again … Continue reading →

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Anchor

Posted on August 28, 2019 by John Swinburn

In Macbeth, Shakespeare’s Lady Macbeth is ambitious and heartless. She believes her husband is too full of kindness and compassion (the milk of human kindness) to take the most expedient path (the nearest way) toward the Scottish crown. That is, … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Wisdom, Writing | 1 Comment

Sesquipedalian

Posted on July 17, 2019 by John Swinburn

Sesquipedalian; 1) given to using long words; 2) containing many syllables. I first encountered the word nine years ago on Facebook. Really. The word was included in a post on the Smith College Facebook page. Ah! That explains it. I … Continue reading →

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Brittle Memories

Posted on June 25, 2019 by John Swinburn

It hasn’t been long since I finished my chemo and radiation treatments, but apparently I’ve tried to erase the experiences from memory. I say that because I returned to my radiologist’s office for a follow-up this afternoon and all the … Continue reading →

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Jeremiad

Posted on June 23, 2019 by John Swinburn

As I skim materials I’ve written in months and years past, I realize my collected works could well be called Jeremiad. That is, “a prolonged lamentation or mournful complaint.” Also, “a cautionary or angry harangue.” Those definitions come from Merriam-Webster’s … Continue reading →

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Worry Does No Good

Posted on May 15, 2019 by John Swinburn

Most of the time, I succeed at keeping my health off my mind. But sometimes the topic surfaces and swings a machete, as if it has been waiting just beneath the surface of my consciousness for the the ideal time … Continue reading →

Posted in Cancer, Depression, Emotion, Health | 2 Comments

Darkness

Posted on April 7, 2019 by John Swinburn

Darkness. I go to sleep in darkness and I awaken in darkness. But it’s not total darkness. It’s near-darkness, punctuated by pinpoints of light. The thermostat, the kitchen stove, the bedside alarm clock, the modem, and other devices that alert … Continue reading →

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Reason to Believe

Posted on March 5, 2019 by John Swinburn

Still I look to find a reason to believe. Tim Hardin wrote, composed, and recorded Reason to Believe in 1965. One of the most popular versions of the tune was released by Rod Stewart six years later. No fewer than … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Music, Writing | 3 Comments

Architectural Emotions in a Mid-Century Mind

Posted on March 3, 2019 by John Swinburn

Yesterday, after an email from Dwell prompted me to view photos of a restored and updated Joseph L. Eichler mid-century modern house in the San Francisco Bay area, I fell in love with the architectural style all over again. That … Continue reading →

Posted in Architecture, Emotion, Intellect, Philosophy, Politics | Leave a comment

Thinking About Emotions and Things Related to Cancer

Posted on February 27, 2019 by John Swinburn

Suffering most emotions more deeply than others seem to endure tends to drain one’s energy. I say that without knowing, of course, how deeply others experience emotions. I base my assessment on observations and assumptions. I did say “seem.” But … Continue reading →

Posted in Cancer, Emotion, Health | 3 Comments

Wrestling with Myself

Posted on January 11, 2019 by John Swinburn

Despite the radiologist’s suggestion that the regimen of radiology will eliminate any remaining cancer, the sense of hopefulness that I expected would come over me hasn’t quite enveloped me the way I anticipated. It’s as if I “know” that neither … Continue reading →

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Stronger Than I Thought

Posted on March 23, 2017 by John Swinburn

I’ve broken out of my dry spell, discussed just two posts ago, I guess. First, it was the roadrunner, photos of which I posted earlier today, and now it’s a memory that haunts me and touches me in ways I cannot … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotion, Friendship, Memories, Poetry | Leave a comment

Trapped in a Mine

Posted on October 12, 2016 by John Swinburn

Today, while looking through old notebooks, I came across a note I wrote six years ago. Late in the evening of October 12, 2010. The note, dated October 12, 2010 and marked with the time I wrote it 10:28 p.m. read, … Continue reading →

Posted in Compassion, Emotion, Memories | 2 Comments

Bat Boy

Posted on October 5, 2016 by John Swinburn

Last night, toward the end of the PBS Newshour, I watched a segment about the retirement of long time Dodgers’ play-by-play announcer, Vin Scully. The segment honored the eighty-eight-year-old man’s sixty-eight year career. Despite my lifelong disinterest in sports, the … Continue reading →