Ennui of a Deeply Personal Nature

I have not been in the mood to write much of late. but I thought I should post a few notes just to prove to myself that I remain moderately alive.

The reasons for my lack of interest in recording my thoughts are too complex for me to understand, much less write about.  I suppose there’s a hint of depression in here somewhere, along with boredom and renewed focus on mortality, mine and others’.

Among the issues I cannot find the energy and creativity to write about are these:

  • Politics
  • The decay of humanitarian values
  • Love and its pretenders
  • Despair
  • Hope
  • Dreams
  • Nightmares
  • Spirituality and its non-deist companions
  • Inadequacy
  • Remorse

You see, there are so many things to think about and write about.  But in the end, no one really cares much about them except “in the moment.”  We are creatures of the instant, caring little about the past or the future and not a great deal for the present.

I am overcome, sometimes, with emotions that flood from me in ways impossible to describe or explain.  Tonight is one of those times.  This past week has been one of those times.  I try to engage in banter, but fail miserably, leading anyone with whom I’m interacting to conclude I’m either stupid or distracted, possibly both.  Self-interactions say they’re right.


About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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3 Responses to Ennui of a Deeply Personal Nature

  1. Robin, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Thanks, Trish.

  2. druxha says:

    Sometimes John, just writing out your thoughts can be very useful. Depends on what you are looking for. Rather akin to talking to yourself about things you wonder, and think often about, and at times you find and “answer”, within yourself, or simply get it “off-your-chest.” I find both methods to be helpful in my case…whether I resolve anything or not. Do not despair, John!! We cannot always have the answers to our queries, and sometimes self expression can help us realize that….

  3. robin andrea says:

    The light is changing. Winter is on its way, with its attending darkness. It is the time of the year for inner reflections. Lately we have been listening to music on grooveshark.com — choosing heart chakra music, meditative music, healing music. Lovely sounds for sitting quietly. It takes the edge off the world.

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