Author Archives: John Swinburn

A tangled swirl of unwelcome thoughts ruins any hope for sleep and serenity. Last night, the idea of a warm flannel cocoon was appealing. This morning, resting in a tub of very hot water—which conforms to the shape of my … Continue reading →

The first day of the New Year provides a convenient milestone, a moment ideal for declaring a fresh start. Then, again, the first Thursday of every month offers the same opportunity, as does the first day of each week. When … Continue reading →

The fact that I have a fascination with Time has been privately called to my attention. I do not disagree; in fact, I would go almost as far as agreeing that my interest in Time is a shallow obsession (shallow … Continue reading →

For five years, follow-up visits with the oncologist confirmed the success of my lung cancer surgery and the chemotherapy and radiation treatment that followed. But, then, a blood test (CEA, carcinoembryonic antigen) indicated a possible return of cancer. When a … Continue reading →

Uplifting news is rarely reported “above the fold.” The role of the media is not to bring a smile to the faces of the public but, instead, to warn the public of circumstances that could endanger the public order and/or … Continue reading →

Under this tree, where light and shade Speckle the grass like a Thrush’s breast, Here, in this green and quiet place, I give myself to peace and rest. ~ W. H. Davis ~ +++ Obligations intrude into my search for … Continue reading →

The early hours, before light begins seeping into the sky, seem shorter and faster-moving than those later in the morning. Beginning around 4 a.m., time feels like it accelerates for a few hours—until at least 8 a.m. The more energy … Continue reading →

Once Christmas Day is behind us, the year feels like it is finished; even though a week remains. This calendar year’s first fifty-one weeks feel like Time captured in solid, almost indestructible granite. The impossibility of making changes to that … Continue reading →

Merry Christmas and all the other Happy Holidays to the world!  I figure if I start on a forced positive note, the positivity might carry me through the remainder of the post. We shall see. I awoke extremely late this … Continue reading →

Thanks to a yammering, yowling, obnoxious cat—as the clock reads 5:03 a.m.—I have been awake now for half an hour. For some reason, she enjoys making a loud racket in the wee hours, clawing at the area rugs, then running … Continue reading →

I’ve spent the last hour looking at the “year in pictures” from the CNN website. Though I did not keep a tally, it seems to me the majority of photos captured individual reactions to bombings, earthquakes, wildfires, severe weather, and … Continue reading →

My favorite pocket knife—one I carry with me most of the time—is a stockman style folding knife. It has three blades: a clip point blade, sheep’s foot blade, and spey blade. Periodically, I teach myself about the types of blades … Continue reading →

I would rather it be scheduled sooner, but it is what it is: I will have a PET-scan one week from today; I will see the oncologist the day after to discuss the results. Depending on the results, we either … Continue reading →

An inch of time is an inch of gold: treasure it. Appreciate its fleeting nature; misplaced gold is easily found, misspent time is lost forever. ~ Loy Ching-Yuen ~ +++ My oncologist’s office called yesterday to tell me Monday’s CT-scan … Continue reading →

Today marks three years since Janine died. No matter the passage of time—while trying to adjust—the pain frequently rushes in to fill the emptiness she left. The months preceding her death kept us apart like cages built of COVID. For … Continue reading →

Drinking barium in preparation for my 8 a.m. CT-scan. Unrelated to the scan, I continue to battle a variety of symptoms like headaches, too-much-sleep, etc. This is getting more annoying by the moment. But I’ll try to keep my bitching … Continue reading →

Yesterday, when I awoke late, I felt almost human. But that did not last. I am here again, though. If my options were “this,” for several years or a quick and comfortable demise, I think I know where I’d lean … Continue reading →

My delayed CT-scan, put off due to the fact that I did not think I could tolerate the drive to the image clinic and the simple 20-minute procedure, is scheduled again for Monday. I think I can tolerate it…one week … Continue reading →

My optimism blossoms when my headache subsides or my other symptoms seem to improve. But pessimism returns when those improvements are short-lived or the symptoms seem to get progressively worse. Or both. The rare improvements seem to be old news. … Continue reading →

I have not posted for the last two day for lack of energy, plus the pain in my head makes movement of any kind more than a little uncomfortable. My ongoing headache has drained me. I went to my doctor’s … Continue reading →

I slept yesterday morning while mi novia went to church. I slept yesterday afternoon for a few hours. I sent to bed at 6 last night and slept until 8 this morning. I feel extremely sore and I have an … Continue reading →

Though I have been curious about the concept of a kibbutz, until this morning, I never fully understood the idea and its implementation, nor have I ever taken the time and expended the energy to try. This morning, though, I … Continue reading →

Yesterday morning, I sought out a post I wrote on an old blog that remains accessible, but to which I almost never contribute any longer. I do not know exactly why I went looking for that post, but something pushed … Continue reading →

Happy the man, and happy he alone, He who can call today his own: He who, secure within, can say Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today. Be fair or foul or rain or shine The joys I … Continue reading →

The effects of the COVID-19 pandemic will be felt for years. It added enormous pressure to everyday life, turning minor stresses into traumas. Anxieties blossomed into depressions. Depressions grew more painful and powerful, becoming more dangerous and in too many … Continue reading →