Remembering My Sister

My sister died on February 19, 2010. On the day of her death, I wrote this in another blog, one to which I rarely post anymore:

She fed people she didn’t know, she gave up her bed for people who needed to sleep, she battled the IRS and Social Security Administration for people who couldn’t do so on their own, but desperately needed an advocate. And they had that advocate in my sister. She was, in many ways, the Molly Ivins of our family; she gave people hell if they deserved it, especially when they had mistreated someone else…the underdog was her pet!

Today, November 2, is her birthday and I pause to remember her and what she meant to me and to so many people.

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November 2: Thoughts for the Day

Think of the struggles of a farmer, facing fierce winters in Minnesota to build a life for himself and his family during the 1850s.  Maybe his name was Olafsen, maybe it was Henriksen, maybe it was something else.  It doesn’t matter now, does it?  That farmer is long since gone and so is his memory. But something he did, fields he worked, something he built—even if it has long since decayed—remains, making anonymous contributions to the world today.  That long-ago foundation enabled someone else to build a better barn, work a heartier farm, protect more people from bitter winters.

No one remembers the name of that Minnesota farmer, nor of the migrant worker who tended crops in northern Mexico in the 1940s, nor the name of the button-makers who helped clothe people in 1830s England.  But those long-forgotten people make anonymous contributions to today.  And it also must be true, then, that the hunters and gatherers of ancient times, perhaps not even having names in the sense we know of names today, did the same. They are gone, forgotten, utterly anonymous.  But they mattered then and they matter now, though we know nothing of who they were and what they looked like and what they did.  Their cells form the fabric of the web we call today.

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Niña and Pinta and Friends

Yesterday was a full day.

  • a drive to Fort Smith, some time examining two near full-size replicas of the Niña and Pinta (and recoiling at the thought of crossing the Atlantic in them),
  • a visit to a very large and well stocked liquor store (who knew Malbec was available in 3-liter boxes?),
  • meeting the father of one of our friends,
  • an excellent dinner at a very good Mexican restaurant, and
  • dodging trick-or-treaters on the streets.

The best part was the conversation. And the audience as I read one of my poems, soliciting reactions as I prepare myself for next month’s reading in Hot Springs. It is so enjoyable to converse with intelligent, thoughtful people.

Some days are especially enjoyable, as much for the people who help in their enjoyment as for the activities of the day. Yesterday was such a day, combining good company with enjoyable endeavors. In looking backward, and inward, the value of human connections becomes so vividly clear. Even to curmudgeons who sometimes fancy themselves hermits-in-waiting, the value of relationships cannot be overstated.

Today promises to be another good one, as we seek out inspiration through art.

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November 1: Thoughts for the Day

I wonder who first conceived the idea of libraries? That person, if it was just one person, deserves our highest gratitude. The  library is altruism at its very best.

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A Different Vantage Point

Fall has arrived, with indications winter may not be far behind.  The forecast for the next several days calls for much cooler temperatures, with nighttime temperatures falling to just below freezing.  Yesterday, when I captured the image below, was the last day for 70+ temperatures for awhile, though we may just touch 70 on Monday. Tonight’s low should hit 31 degrees; a perfectly crisp temperature for Halloween.

Jing_Temp_10_31_2014

What this means, of course, is that the time has passed that I should have done my “winterizing,” though there’s still plenty of time to wrap the water lines with insulating tubing, buy de-icer for the driveway, get slip-on cleats to go over my shoes so I can more easily get around on icy walkways, etc.

It also means the trees are full-on into their transition from green to gold and red and brown. My sister-in-law, who arrived in the Village by car on Monday to move into her new home, brought a friend with her to help with the drive. Her friend, who is going on vacation in New Hampshire next week, commented that trees around here look very much like those in New Hampshire during the peak of fall foliage.

We hope to see more brilliant colors during a trip to visit friends north of us. This is different from Dallas; we’re experiencing nature from a different vantage point.

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October 31: Thoughts for the Day

We are the recipients of time. Some of us with enough to fill a barrel, others with only enough to fill a thimble.

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Real Life

We were sitting around the sturdy wooden pottery workbench, watching the instructor create a piece of sculpture from raku clay.  Initially, there were only two of us—first year students—watching, but during the course of her demonstration, a few other more advanced students stopped by to watch. Most made a comment or two, which morphed into conversations. A few used the occasion to talk about things completely unrelated to pottery or clay or the class. Some just fixed their eyes on her hands as she deftly turned a hunk of formless grey clay into a work of art.

The instructor teaches beginners to highly advanced potters and sculptors, all in the same large room.  The students group together around workbenches according to their level of training and skill, but there’s a lot of intermingling and considerable conversation.  That day, while she demonstrated raku sculpture, the intermingling amplified. Conversations normally reserved for individual groups erupted around our table.

“Did you hear about the girl who got arrested yesterday over by the liquor store on Albert Pike? That was my neighbor’s girl, the one I told you about, the one who I said was a meth-head.  Didn’t I tell you she would be in jail before she was seventeen?”

“I read that they think the Holy Grail was found and it’s in the USA!  It was in People magazine, I think.”

“There’s a bunch of nudists living in a house down the hill from the tower.  And they’re not young, you know, there’s old men and old women!  Yuck, why would people want to show themselves like that?”

“I think I understand why people want to be nudists; if I could get away without wearing clothes and without people shrieking in horror at seeing my shriveled old body, I would. It’s freeing!”

“She’s making that lion for me. She knows I like lions, so she’s making it for me.  Aren’t you?  Hehe, aren’t you!?”

“He filed a complaint against me!  Can you believe it?”

“Every time you make a pot or a figure, part of you…part of your essence is preserved in that piece of art.  Don’t you think so?”

“After the Pell Grant money comes, the parking lot is almost empty.  A lot of them getting that money attend class only until they get their money, then they stop coming.”

Some of the conversations make sense, some reveal the limits of intelligence or experience of the speaker, some are just conversations to fill dead air. Everyone of the speakers, though, appreciates art to one degree or another.

It’s the real world, real life on a community college campus that serves a largely impoverished population,.

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October 30: Thoughts for the Day

One month.  Just one month is all it would take, I think.  One month living as the “average” earthling lives, eating the same food the “average” earthling eats, sleeping where the “average” earthling sleeps, getting the same medical care the “average” earthling gets when ill or injured.

Not seeing how they live.  Not watching them.  Being them.

That’s all it would take to make those of us who live like kings feel a little compassion for the “average” earthling.

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Books that Write Themselves

If you pay attention (and even if you don’t), you will be given the gift of a bizarre set of characters for almost any book you’d like to write, though I should warn you, others are writing the same books. The problem is the difficulty of narrowing the field.

For example, in the 2014 race for mayor of Toronto (which race was won by John Tory), you might select from one or more candidates who had no chance of victory:

  • Carlie Ritchie, AKA Mizz Barbie Bitch, a dominatrix who promised to “whip Toronto into shape”
  • Don Andrews, leader of the neo-Nazi Nationalist Party of Canada
  • Dave Mackay, who satirized incumbent Mayor Rob Ford under the stage name, Sketchy the Clown
  • Morgan Baskin, a high school student who vowed to bring a young new voice to silence the city’s divisive political infighting
  • Selina Chan, whose focus is to legalize, regulate, and tax marijuana and prostitution

As I read about the Toronto mayoral election and as I continue to suffer the bombardment of attack ads in Arkansas, I realize the public arena in which the fights for political spoils take place is a parody of itself. It is as if the candidates are jockeying for position in line, hoping their absurd antics will lead to an offer of a book deal.  They are working feverishly to create their own set of characters, none of whom have any measurable redeeming values.

These people are books that write themselves.  Many of the are tawdry, ugly, poorly-written dime store novellas that haven’t been proofed, but they are books.  At least they should be.

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October 29: Thoughts for the Day

Most people would prefer to see you succeed in an undertaking than to see you fail, because most people understand the shoe could be on the other foot.

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Do Not Wait for the Muse

Yesterday’s writers’ club presentation by poet and educator Sandy Longhorn was interesting and informative.  Though writing poetry is something I do rarely, her advice applies to anything I might write.

First, before writing, she says: Read. Study.  Only then write drafts.  And then, revise what is written, returning to it after letting it settle for awhile.  Do that four times, at least, to ready the product for its intended audience.  Good. I have been applying that process to my writing, though perhaps not as many returns to revise as she suggests.

As for the writing, the drafting, she advises to give oneself permission to write badly. “Inspiration is overrated. Do not wait for the muse,” she says.  That is good advice.  The muse may be willing to visit only after the writing has begun; the muse wants evidence that the writer is not lazy before investing in magic.

One thing she said, though, made me cringe a bit; she said she tells her students “rhyme is bad.” I suppose it is if one subscribes to the opinions of William Carlos Williams or T.S. Elliot or other poets who condemned rhyme as merely a gimmick, something that detracts from the meat of the poem in favor of the clothes it wears. I think all poetry, of whatever structure, can be good; rhyme helps deliver the message in many poems. Ultimately, the only critic who matters is that one reader  at a time who understands the writer’s intent.

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October 28: Thoughts for the Day

Irony can be lost on a person whose mind is already made up.  Indeed, irony can simply reinforce the stereotypes residing in the person’s brain. Let it go; the only intellect that can cure the problem is not yours.

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An Active Sleep Life

My dream world screams at me to come to grips with reality.  I assume that’s what it is screaming.  It is trying to tell me something, but it’s damn hard to interpret, inasmuch as it’s using a language of symbolism with which I am thoroughly unfamiliar.

Last night, or I should say just an hour or two ago, I awoke from a dream in which I was sitting with several co-workers (only a few of whom I recognized as real-world co-workers from the past).  We were about to leave the “office,” if that’s what it was, when one of them groused that I had not eaten the sausage kolaches she had brought especially for me.  I said I had not seen them but would be happy to take them with me, as I had another appointment.

Next scene, I was on a Chicago street, walking with the same woman and a guy who obviously was her boyfriend, but who was from another part of my life, in a job in another city (as was she; she worked for me in Dallas).  He kept stopping to look in store windows, then would rush to catch up with us; she kept pestering me to slow down for him.  We arrived at the building where my appointment was to be; they continued on their way.

I went inside the old skyscraper to find the place under total renovation; a construction mess.  I wandered around and finally came across some people who were dressed in business suits. I did not recognize them, but somehow knew that one of them, a young guy in his thirties or early forties, was the guy I was to meet and that he was a lawyer.  I also knew, without being told, that he was an investor who rehabbed old commercial buildings into residential units.

Next scene, I was alone, in the same building, lost and trying to find my way out.  Finally, after wandering around, I made my way to the exit and knew I was supposed to go meet this lawyer’s representative to confirm the terms of my employment with him (which employment was not part of the conversation I had with the guy!).  I exited the building, having no idea where I was supposed to go or who I was supposed to see.  I saw a mesh metal park bench on the sidewalk, very smooth and shiny, and I sat down.

A moment later, a red-haired woman named Karen, who was publisher of an amusement industry tabloid while I had another job years ago, appeared in front of me.  She smiled what I can only describe as a suggestive smile and sat on my lap. The only words I remember, very distinctly, from the dream were hers: “So, you met my husband.  Do you think you’ll enjoy working with him?  I know I’ll enjoy having you around.”  I mumbled something like “Yes, I know this was almost meant to be;” I could feel my face flush, as I knew this woman sitting in my lap was not meant to be. Now, to my knowledge, the woman was not married when I knew her.  (As an aside to the dream, this woman would be in her late fifties or early sixties now; I guess it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she would be married to a much younger lawyer.)

Next, she got up and said something to the effect that her husband wanted her to review with me the terms of my employment. Holding a clipboard, she began writing, in heavy block letters using what looked like a Sharpie pen; I could see clearly what she wrote, which looked like it was in a bold arial typeface from a computer:

Employee: John Swinburn
Position: Property Acquisitions & Rehabilitation
Location: Hot Springs Village, AR
Salary: $92,000

I remember thinking That’s more than I expected to make in retirement. And then it occurred to me that this must be my imagination at work. And I started trying to make sense of the people in the dream who had no connections with one another, and what Chicago and Hot Springs Village had to do with one another. And that’s about the time I woke up.

My newly acquired book, Dreamland: Adventures in the Strange Science of Sleep, sits on my desk, unread. This most recent dream gives added impetus to pick it up.

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October 27: Thoughts for the Day

If it weren’t for lemons and limes, the world would be a less exciting and flavorful place. Unfortunately, we have the capacity to do to lemons and limes and thousands of other life forms what we did to the ivory-billed woodpecker. We should stop exercising that capacity.

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Toronto

The reasons for starting I cannot recall,  but I have occasionally been reading, online,  The Globe & Mail. I suppose it has to do with the fact that I find much about Canada interesting and refreshing, though I’ve learned that even perpetually polite Canada can have its rude side from time to time.  But that’s beside the point.

Part of what I have been following, off and on, of late is the mayoral race in Toronto between key candidates: Olivia Chow, John Tory, and Doug Ford.  I have not been to Toronto in several years.  The last time I was there, one of the things that impressed me was the transit system and the relative lack of gridlock on the highways I drove on.  There was congestion, to be sure, but it did not compare to Chicago or Houston or Dallas or Los Angeles, cities whose freeways I’ve driven and despised.  Yet, based on what I’ve read about the mayoral race in Toronto, it seems to me THE key issue is transportation gridlock.

There are many other issues  about which the candidates have been queried, but the one that seems to be the most hotly debated and newsworthy is the issue of transportation.  Tomorrow (October 27) is election day, so I suppose the winner will be announced tomorrow evening, unless it’s too close to call.  If I were a Toronto voter, I think I’d vote for Olivia Chow, though some of John Tory’s rhetoric appeals to me…but too much of it is like the incumbent, Rob Ford (whose brother, Doug, entered the campaign after Rob dropped out due to illness), for me to have much good to say about him.

I should be more engaged in politics locally, rather than getting involved political battles internationally, but I find local stuff less promising and far more upsetting to my sense of right and wrong.

 

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Weaving a Tapestry Without Fabric

I managed to weave the following components into a productive and enjoyable day:

  • Solar powered driveway lights.
  • Birthday party for a seven-year-old boy.
  • Face mask intended to block silica dust from entering my lungs.
  • Wine.
  • Jack Daniels Old Number 7.
  • New shower head with extension hose.
  • Cici’s Pizza.
  • An exploration of wind, its properties, and the lingo associated therewith.
  • Fifty pages of the Reader’s Digest book, Crafts & Hobbies: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creative Skills.
  • Six kinds of sushi rolls.

Obviously, a reasonably short post cannot possibly explain all this in narrative form, so I’ll be imprecise and brief, and will leave big chunks out.

My pottery course instructor invited her students and friends to a birthday party at Cici’s Pizza for her seven-year-old son; his birthday was a few days ago, but he was with his father (they are separated) then.  If he had a party, it was unimpressive.  So, she whipped one up at the last minute.  Most of the guests (there were 20-25, I’d guess) were pottery people.  The kid had a blast.  He and his sister were born in China and adopted by instructor and her estranged husband not too long ago; they are delightful kids.

Now, as to the 50 pages of Reader’s Digest, they are from a book I bought for two dollars at a book sale organized as a fundraiser for the Village chapter of the American Association of University Women. I think I should recommend those pages as the primer for the beginning (and even second year) pottery course.  It’s exceptionally valuable basic information, stuff the text we were assigned for the course either ignores or skips over completely.  I think the text is better suited to more advanced students; the Reader’s Digest extract is exceptionally well-done as an introductory basic piece.

The lights and the face mask and the shower head were Lowe’s-inspired and unimpressive, so I’ll leave them unattended.  As for the exploration of wind, let me tell you, it’s the stuff of legends!  It’s the kind of thing any child could have adopted as a passion, if only exposed to it with the right teacher.  The right teacher(s) are vital to intellectual development, methinks.  I had some good ones and, obviously, I had some misfits.  I wish the misfits had not been so prevalent; I might have turned out more intelligent, more well-rounded, and an all-around better person.

But back to wind. It was a simple question, so I asked Father Google  to tell me about wind (in the meteorological realm); what it is, how it is formed, whether there are different types, etc.  I understood the basics of wind, as we all do, but I was curious and wanted to know a little more.

Father Google expounded on wind in his usual fashion, waxing poetic and leading me down dozens of pathways that led to more questions and more pathways. Ultimately, I left the search exhausted but enlightened and with an even more intense interest than when I had started.

I learned that meteorologists (and others) classify winds in a number of ways, one of which is in accord with a scheme that names them based on speed or strength, their direction, and/or their duration. Short bursts of high-speed wind are called gusts when roughly parallel with the earth’s surface; very high-speed bursts of high-speed winds perpendicular to the earth’s surface, directed downward, are downdrafts.  Long duration winds are classified according to their strength, from breeze to gale to hurricane to tornado (which is relatively short-term, but not compared to a gust). Wind may arise from local differences in temperatures between the earth’s surface and the air mass above it or by differences in rates of absorption of solar energy between terrestrial climate zones.  And, of course, the density of air between adjoining areas can trigger inflows or outflows of air masses, AKA wind.

A single paragraph cannot begin to explain the complexities of wind.  Nor can a single paragraph begin to explain why I felt like a switch had been flipped on my wind-interest meter to cause me to seek information about wind.

Yesterday was interesting; it felt like a full day should feel.  It felt a little like I’d woven bits and pieces of scraps and cast-asides into a relatively strong web that would keep me easily afloat through the night and into this morning.  And it appears, from the look of things, it worked.

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October 26: Thoughts for the Day

Explore almost anything deeply enough and you will see connections and interactions that would have been nearly invisible on a more cursory examination.  Mathematics, astronomy, cartography, botany, sociology…the list is endless.  More interesting, perhaps, is that even matters that on first blush seem boring become fascinating. There is, and never will there be, complete knowledge of anything.  Everything is worth exploration and everything, literally everything, can teach us how much we don’t know.

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Posting on the Go

To everyone but myself: feel free to ignore this post, which is just a test of my ability to post from my tablet.

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Democracy

I have just spent almost an hour reading about various proposed amendments to the Arkansas State Constitution and other ballot issues and initiatives for the election.  It is no wonder the number of votes cast on ballot initiatives are, as I understand it, lower than low.  The stuff is convoluted in the extreme.

That having been said, it behooves every eligible voter to take the time to read and understand what’s on the ballot.  Otherwise, “democracy” is an arcane term with no meaning in today’s world.

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October 25: Thoughts for the Day

Lack of use will wither the mind into an impermeable shell, bone-dry and leather-hard. At that point, it’s incapable of absorbing even a single new thought.  But with proper mental exercise, it can stay pliable; it can be open to ideas that challenge even the most closely held opinions.

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Empty Stretch of Sand

I remember a time when I was young and fragile and inexperienced in the world.  It was winter in south Texas, a time when the wind was constant and cold.  I walked alone along the emptiness of Padre Island, feeling kinship with the isolation of the beach and the crash of sand-laden waves.  The desolation of those dunes and strips of cold, wet sand struck a chord in me, a chord I can still hear.  Memories of the cold sand blown against my face are always fresh when they come to mind.  I felt utterly alone, yet oddly connected to that desolate stretch of beach.

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October 24: Thoughts for the Day

Here in the forest, the sounds of night are not soft. I open the door at 4:30 a.m. and listen to a cacophony of noise; insects, birds, animals of all sorts.  They are hidden from sight, but unafraid to be loud.

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Smoked Dreams and Wishes

Last night, as I grilled zucchini and onions and jalapeños and a smoked jalapeño sausage for dinner, I thought of the smoker I left in Texas.  If I had that smoker today, I would be able to smoke home made sausage, something I did not do when I had it, but which I’ve always wanted to do.

For years, making sausage from meat I grind, using spices I grind, has been on my wish list.  When my wife bought a Kitchenaid Artisan mixer a few years ago, I began looking for meat grinder and sausage stuffer attachments, but could find only new ones, things that cost $50 and up; I could not justify in my mind spending so much money for something so utterly unnecessary.   Granted, I wanted them, but I could not find it in me to buy the things.  I checked, religiously, on Craig’s List to no avail. And then I moved to Arkansas and left the smoker in Texas.

Today, I have a different attitude.  If I had a smoker, I’d buy the mixer attachments that would enable me to do something I’ve wanted to do for as long as I can remember.  I’d cast my frugality to the wind and I’d get them.  But, alas, I have no smoker, nor a place to put it.  Here, even if I had a place to put it, I’d have to get a permit for it; living in a forest calls for extra protections to ensure fires don’t get out of control.

So, I’ll just try to let go of my dream of making and smoking my home made sausage.  But I doubt I’ll be successful at abandoning my dream. Where there’s a will, there ultimately may be a way.  In the interim, between now and forever, I’ll continue tweaking my sausage recipes and linger a while at stores that sell natural sausage casings.

 

Posted in Dreams, Food | 2 Comments

October 23: Thoughts for the Day

Today is my niece’s birthday.  That makes me think the world is a fortunate place to have people of her caliber in it.  Happy birthday, to one of my favorite nieces!

Now, as to other matters: we can wish and we can hope and we can pray, but the only reliable action is action.  Do what must be done, for wishing it done will be time and energy lost.

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Post-Birthday Assessment

Last night’s birthday dinner was not the Bar-B-Q of my wishes, but I wore shorts and a t-shirt as we sat, dining alfresco, enjoying the Tuesday night special of liver and onions at Tanner’s Terrace on the Green, overlooking the Granada Golf Course.

Then, we came home and watched the recorded episode of Gracepoint, based on BBC’s Broadchurch.  Though I much prefer Broadchurch, Gracepoint is grabbing me; after watching just the previews of the first show, I had decided it was not going to be worth watching.  I was wrong.

I should watch more recorded television, but it’s tough to maintain my interest.  I no longer like television, even good television, as I once did.  And I’m finding shows I wanted to record, even those I once liked, have not retained their appeal.

Now, as I type this, I hear creatures of some kind scurrying across the metal roof of the screened-in porch.  For inexplicable reasons, hearing those sounds makes me think of two vanity Arkansas license plates I saw today; I do not recall the vanity message, only the imprinted “choose life” message.  My instant thought was to wish for a vanity plate imprinted with “support recreational abortion” imprinted on it, just to piss them off.  Do the imbeciles who wish to withhold a woman’s right to choose not understand that abortion is not something that’s hoped for, sought after, valued as a prize but, rather, the result of careful and often painful assessment?

I spent time this afternoon mapping out ideas for the first chapter of a novel I started writing recently.  The map is radically different from what I’d written; what I’d written now needs to conform to the map, not the other way around.

As for the birthday; I’d almost forgotten I had one scheduled.

 

Posted in Food, Religion, Writing | 3 Comments