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Author Archives: John Swinburn
Spontaneity
Spontaneity matters to me. Spontaneity is real. It mines desires and motivations and wishes from the substance of day-to-day life and turns that raw ore into experience. Friends who can adapt to spontaneity and who become part of it are … Continue reading
Posted in Philosophy
1 Comment
Tells Stories and Believes Them
About four years ago, I wrote a very brief post that began, “Tells stories and believes them.” The quote was my memory (which I believe is correct) of a statement in a psychological inventory’s assessment of my personality. I didn’t … Continue reading
Posted in Frustration, Materialism, Philosophy
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Senses and Sensibilities Sans Sanity
I wrote two other posts this morning before I got to this one. And I wrote three others last night before I saved them, expecting to return to them this morning and fix them. Instead, I discarded last night’s writing. … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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Bowing to the Trees
There was a chill in the air this morning, with the temperature hovering around fifty degrees. A thin overcast and a brisk wind made it feel cooler. Billowing flurries of orange and brown and yellow leaves fell from trees in … Continue reading
Posted in Imagination
1 Comment
It Usually Turns Out Fine
Last night, after writing my post subsequent to visiting with the surgeon, I did additional research on Stage IIB lung cancer survival without treatment. The average, I found, was seven months from diagnosis to death. That’s considerably less than I … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
4 Comments
Staging My Attitude
The only real question now is: when? Will I go forward as we decided this afternoon, with surgery next Wednesday, November 14? Or will I wait a bit? After learning of the preliminary staging assessment (Stage IIB), the potential dangers … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
3 Comments
On with the Day
Late yesterday afternoon, I got a message from the Little Rock surgeon to whom my oncologist referred me. I have an appointment late this afternoon. Maybe I’ll know more then. I have plenty of questions for the surgeon. How am … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
3 Comments
I May Have Suffered from Autopathagnosiasis
One often hears about people who, after reading or hearing about symptoms of potentially fatal diseases, believe they exhibit such symptoms. One term for such people is hypochondriacs. But what about people who dismiss the suggestion that their diagnoses may … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
3 Comments
Promises Promises
Over the years I’ve repeatedly made promises to myself that I’ve broken. The earliest one I remember was the promise I would stop smoking. I first made that promise when I was in my early twenties. It took me thirty … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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Questions for the Oncologist
I have a lot of questions for my oncologist during my appointment tomorrow morning. I’ve written a list: Please verify the details of my cancer as I understand them: 6 cm tumor in my right lower lobe, right? the biopsy … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
2 Comments
Thanksgiving Planning
I was daydreaming for a while this morning, thinking about what we might do for Thanksgiving this year. What kind of non-traditional but celebratory dinner might we prepare? But then it occurred to me that I might learn during tomorrow’s … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Food, Thanksgiving
2 Comments
Warning: You Will Be Bored if You Read This
My attempt to go back to sleep after I returned to bed shortly after 3:30 was an abject failure. I did close my eyes and attempt to empty my mind of clutter. Instead, I closed my eyes and filled my … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
2 Comments
Up in the Middle of the Night
It’s just after 3:00 a.m. and I can’t bring myself to write what’s on my mind because I’m not quite sure I know. I woke from a bizarre, troubling nightmare. Rather than attempt to go back to sleep, I got … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
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A Nice Lunch and a Confirmation of Lung Cancer
My wife and I drove to Little Rock today with some friends—Paul and his sister, Rose—for lunch at a place Paul mentioned to us last time we were together. It’s called Sauce(d), a new wood-fired pizza restaurant whose interior design … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Health
2 Comments
Maggie’s Birthday Story as Told by the Son Barack Obama Didn’t Know He Had
Around two months ago, a post I wrote focused almost exclusively on a woman I dated once while I was a young, inexperienced kid. I have only a slightly greater reason to write about her today than I did two … Continue reading
Posted in Humor
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Autumnal Experience
An attribute of autumn I once found delightful but now find depressing and burdensome is taking place as I write this. Trees are losing leaves as if the trees were rejecting poisonous attackers, flinging them to the ground in an … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
2 Comments
As If Never Written
I wrote recently of the odd turn in my life of late in which my tendency toward self-diagnosed ADHD transformed into laser-focused fixation. Though not resolved, I’m able these days to direct my attention outside myself and to exclude cancer … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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Biopsy Biopsy, What Do You Show?
My moderate fear about the pain of the biopsy procedure was unfounded. Except for the insertion of the IV line. The nurse who did it, Andrew, was abysmal at finding a vein. His multiple attempts were absolutely excruciating. I’m glad … Continue reading
Stratosphere
Now I’m getting angry. Last Friday, I thought I had finally broken through the clogged pipeline of medical bureaucracy and gotten the biopsy scheduled. It was set for Tuesday, October 30. Tomorrow morning, early. On Friday, I was told to … Continue reading
Unfocused, on Steroids
My thoughts this morning seemed to come out of nowhere. As far as I know, no dream prompted my mind to wander over there. But there it went, off into an abandoned lighthouse on a tiny coastal island inaccessible except … Continue reading
Posted in Intermittent Journaliing
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Cultural Adjustments
Americans tend to overestimate their culture’s superiority and to underestimate the value of other cultures. I think two processes are going on that perpetuate these attitudes. The overestimation of American culture is, I believe, trained into us. We are told … Continue reading
Posted in Philosophy
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Brewers in High Dudgeon
Listen my pretty, and you will hear, a story of drinking less craft beer. A tale so exciting and so intense, like sitting in pain on a white picket fence where the pickets will stick you right in the rump. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurdist Fantasy, Poetry
1 Comment
Bloody Borders
Whine. Whine! Whine!!! Okay, there. Maybe it’s out of my system. I have a tendency to make minor inconveniences into major dislocations of my enjoyment of life. “Mountains out of mole hills.” “Much ado about nothing.” The “problems” about which … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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Cancer and the Church
This morning, after having heard nothing from my oncologist’s schedulers, I called again. This time, I spoke to someone who said she would get something done. But unlike the same commitment I heard last time, this one said she would … Continue reading
Posted in Cancer, Frustration
2 Comments
A Little Pareidolia and the Gift of Gab
When I look at white billowing clouds in the sky (not this morning…it’s dark), I can see a thousand shapes. Dogs, birds, human faces, you name it. Once I remember seeing what looked like a long stone wall alongside a … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
2 Comments