Scary Thought

Just minutes after confirming an appointment with a chiropractor’s office this morning (to have some work done on tight muscles in my neck and shoulders that I think may be responsible for my headaches), my oncologist’s office called to reschedule my CT-guided needle biopsy. It had been scheduled for Friday; they want me to show up TODAY, at noon. Fortunately, I am flexible (and so is mi novia) so I can go in today; I need someone to drive after the procedure. I still do not have a new date scheduled for the post-biopsy visit with my oncologist; and I still have not had my MRI-scan of my brain scheduled. Frustrations with healthcare scheduling processes are not new to me, but they remain just as frustrating as always.


My mind is not behaving the way it should. Instead of rational thought, it has been engaging in irrational fantasy. For example, while I was still in bed this morning—at least half asleep—my thoughts focused on trying to coordinate hundreds of smoked cheeses and golden rings of barbeque sauces. The confusion of those thoughts was so complex that I dare not even try to describe it here. But I remember distinctly that the point of my attempted coordination was to stop sweating so profusely; the bed was awash in perspiration. And it had another point: to make the flavors work together. WTF? It made good sense in my incoherent semi-sleep, but as I try to recall it now, it makes no sense whatsoever. I worry about myself when such odd stuff tumbles out of my brain.


Whenever I can arrange my schedule with some degree of real control, I am going to either go to the chiropractor’s office or to a massage therapist. The muscles in my neck and shoulders are screaming for something to ease the tension and pain. The electrical gadgetry that is found in chiropractors’ offices, used by technicians, have made me feel happy in years past. So have massages. Perhaps both should be on my agenda. I would pay handsomely for something that would eliminate the pains.


This is enough of an attempt…a failed attempt…at writing. I may not be capable of writing any more. That is a scary thought.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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2 Responses to Scary Thought

  1. Salli, smoked cheeses and barbecue sauces might be exactly the remedies to which I should turn whenever I have neck pains! Yes, they will certainly make me happy. Thanks very much for your kind comments, by the way.

  2. Salli Forbes says:

    Perhaps smoked cheeses and barbecue sauces might remedy the pain in your neck. At least they might make you happy!

    I think your candid sharing of your thoughts and feelings are very brave. They also resonate with me and similar feelings I have had. Keep posting as long as you can.

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