Without a Plan

I’m drinking coffee in a thunderstorm. Well, not really IN a thunderstorm; that is, I’m not getting soaked. But I hear it. Cracks of thunder punctuate the sound of rain pounding on the roof. I can only imagine what the wind and rain are doing to the leaves on the trees that only recently commenced the annual process of denuding themselves. I spent a few hours outside two days ago, electric leaf blower in hand, in an attempt to get a head start on clearing out the leaf fall. That, my friends, was a delusional and utterly quixotic undertaking, akin to sitting on a sand dune in a gale in an effort to keep each grain of silica safely affixed to the ground. The leaves I managed, last year, to encourage down the steep hill behind the house now feed pine seedlings, another force of nature I would rather not have to fight. So, too, will the leaves I chase this season. I am a hamster on a wheel, chasing after something just beyond my line of sight,  in a futile attempt to reach freedom. Ah, but it gives me something to do, right? I might just as well roll a stone up a hill, watch it roll down, and repeat the process. Eternal punishment for a multitude of my sins.

Today, we drive to Little Rock to see about selecting furniture to replace some delivered just a few days ago. After delivery, we decided some of the stuff was not suitable. So, the seller will send a truck to take them back. And we will, with good fortune, find something that better suits us at the same furniture store, in which case the new stuff will arrive in exchange for the original purchase. Otherwise, we’ll have empty spaces to fill and will have to look elsewhere. After the trek to Little Rock, we’ll go to Hot Springs for the first of a three session class to learn about jazz. And, later, I will contemplate what I’m after in what’s left of this life of mine. I never actually decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. And here, suddenly, I’m all grown up without a plan. I do hope it’s not simply to blow leaves or roll stones, though those are better than many other possibilities.