Today: Expect cataclysmic thunderstorms, some capable of producing epic floods and nuclear-force winds, to form before noon today along a line from Anchorage, Alaska to the western edge of Iceland. A line of massive thunder showers was observed moments ago by Channel 666 weather-spotters from the western edge of the state of North Dakota to Nova Scotia, moving south-southeast at the speed of thought. Doppler radar has confirmed the ferocity of these storms and their potential to cause volcanic eruptions, polar shifts, and the transmogrification of time. With cloud-tops reaching past the troposphere and stratosphere into the mesosphere, these fierce storms threaten to flush the skies of air, water, and hope.
Tonight: Considerable cloudiness with occasional rain showers. Low of 41F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 50%.
Tomorrow: Solar winds that could incinerate the northeastern seaboard of the U.S. and boil the northern parts of the western Atlantic ocean are forecast for the morning, with gradual weakening throughout the day. Temperatures during peak solar windstorms could exceed 10,000 F but should drop to -75 F by mid afternoon in effected areas.
Tomorrow Night: Considerable cloudiness with occasional rain showers. Low of 41F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 50%.
Wednesday: Expect huge swarms of EF-5 tornadoes and category 5 hurricanes, exacerbated by magnitude 9.9 earthquakes that give rise to devastating tsunamis worldwide. Large pieces of the moon, which was unexpectedly shredded by massive new gravitational forces of the sun on Sunday, along with shrapnel from the explosions of Mars and Venus, are expected to rain on the eastern Atlantic Ocean and northern Europe throughout the day.
Wednesday Night: Considerable cloudiness with occasional ice showers. Low of -540F. Winds light and variable. Chance of layers of atmosphere, crytalized into ice, crashing to the surface of the planet 50%.
Thursday: Due to geotechnical difficulties, our computer models are incapable of providing a Thursday forecast.