Try Again

Last night, we spent a few hours with a friend. The three of us enjoyed the wonderful dinner she made and delivered; a spectacular casserole, homemade bread, an exquisite dish of pears and cheese, and wine. The meal and conversation were the perfect ways to cap the long day that had, finally, included my PET scan. The stresses I did not even realize I was feeling seemed to melt away as we talked; I felt like I was the fortunate recipient of a mental massage. This morning, if the PET scan has been read and interpreted by the medical team that supports my oncologist, I may learn whether the chemotherapy is working as hoped and planned. Whether I get that news or not, I will have blood drawn and get an hours-long chemo treatment. After getting released from the hospital on Tuesday, I felt much, much better than I did going in. I still feel pretty good; it’s nice to be able to breathe without laboring hard to get a bit of oxygen.


I look forward to a visit, in about a week, by my niece and her mom. Like last night’s dinner with a friend, a few days with family can have an extraordinary effect on one’s sense of mental well-being. There is something about the casual comfort of being in the company of one’s relatives that disables stress. Despite the reputation that family visits seem to have in the media, getting together with members of the familial clan tends to carve away the anxieties of day-to-day life. Just a few thoughts…


Once again, I made the mistake this morning of scanning online news. It’s not a mistake; it’s a pathology that warrants treatment. What is it, I wonder, that draws otherwise reasonably intelligent people into behaviors that trigger explosive emotional turmoil? Perhaps there is a link with addiction or a connection to the brief “high” of an adrenaline rush. Even a negative adrenaline rush—the kind that follows on the heels of an automobile accident or an attack by an armed assailant—might deliver an experience equivalent to taking an illegal drug. This is pure supposition, of course; I have nothing upon which to base my suggestions, other than untested ideas.


Okay. Enough. I have tried to think of something interesting to explore with my fingers here on the page, but nothing has presented itself. I’ll try again sometime.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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2 Responses to Try Again

  1. John S Swinburn says:

    Penny, your comment means a great deal to me! Thank you so much for keeping on top of my experiences by way of my blog; I look forward to a hug in the near term!

  2. Penny Beed says:

    HI, John. It was with great relief that I read your post this morning. I didn’t realize how much I was worried about you until I felt the relaxation that came with knowing you were home and enjoying others’ company! Hallelujah!

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