The Nude Vegan

I was a participant in a conversation yesterday afternoon that could turn into something interesting. Or ugly.  Well, it already has. Let me explain.

Our conversation about blogging took a turn when my friend mentioned she once wrote a blog about vegan cuisine.  I’ve never had much interest in practicing veganism, but I was curious about her experience.

She explained that she explored veganism for a year (or was it two?) as a means of losing weight and having a healthier lifestyle.  She found that several others in her circle of friends and acquaintances had an interest in vegan cooking.  She said her blog had quite a following.

Her husband, she said, had never been very interested in her exploration into veganism.  She said she understood, because by the time she got pretty good at using tofu and its ilk, turning out good-tasting meals, he had already eaten too many failures. He’d lost interest and was unwilling to even try her recipes, despite her success in making them tasty and inviting.

My wife made a couple of comments that sparked my interest.  She asked how it might be possible to make vegan recipes more interesting?  How can the fundamentals of cooking vegan be made interesting?  And that’s where the idea began.

Cooking vegan, in the nude!  A YouTube series on vegan cooking, with the twist that the cook would be in the nude, would attract a sizable audience.

But I would feel a little ill-at-ease standing in front of a stove or an camera for that matter with, as it were, the jewels of my experience dangling beneath the sword of judgment.

It could be done, though, I reasoned, wearing a Speedo for protection from the dangers of spattering hot grease and as protection against the ugly effects on viewers’ eyes.  The latter could be minimized, as well, by the presence of fog, using dry ice immersed in water, to veil the most egregious offenses to the sensibilities.  And the camera would focus on the food, anyway, so nudity would be just hype to build an audience.

The first step in this endeavor, of course, would be to develop a stable of reliable vegan recipes.  The next step would be to arrange for a video/audio set-up capable of recording cooking, in progress.  After that, all I’ll need is dry ice, a Speedo, and an attorney practiced in defending clients against charges of food-porn.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
This entry was posted in Food, Just Thinking, Nudity. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Nude Vegan

  1. Millie says:

    Still laughing.

  2. Jim the NeverNude says:


  3. Holly, I had no idea about the subject of either of your comments. I will continue to eat soy because, well, I guess it impacts everyone differently. Oh, and I’ve not had good luck with a Neti pot.

  4. Holly Forrest says:

    I found this extremely amusing, given the effects of tofu on testosterone. Let’s just say that doing it in the nude would not be nearly as impressive once you ingest a fair amount of that stuff.

    On a related note, your post reminded me of the old Mike Rowe cooking segment before he did dirty jobs.

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