Sleep Inoperability

A million matters cross my mind this morning, topics spanning the scale from deliriously happy facts to some unhappy memories. The subjects of my thoughts have no cohesive theme, only haphazard elements from recollections across time. The one commonality in this morning’s sensations is this: an ongoing sense of enormously good fortune.

I am loved and I love; perhaps the two most important components of life. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs places physiological and safety needs above the psychological needs of belonging and love, but I think the evidence says otherwise. Consider a mother’s absolute devotion to her child—her love for her child will propel her to put herself at risk of death without a thought, to preserve her child’s safety. But that’s not what I came to the desk to write about. I sat down here to write about a haphazard collection of thoughts. So here goes.


The thunder this morning is loud and the rain is heavy, at least from time to time. I wonder whether the rain will wash away more of the pollen and make the streets more pleasant? And what about the damn chiggers? Can chiggers drown? If we seeded clouds with sulfur dust, could we solve the chigger problem? Or would we need to seed the clouds with DDT pellets. I’m almost willing to consider the latter.


Cyber attacks have gone beyond our ability to determine reasonable “punishments” for the crime. Because they are so stealthy and the perpetrators are so knowledgeable, I think the immediate solution is to infiltrate cyber-criminal networks with the aim of destroying them. And the only way to destroy them is to make inoperable the brains behind them. So, either render them unable to function or, more achievable I think, render the perpetrators unable to breathe…by whatever means possible. This sounds like I’m abandoning my opposition to the death penalty; not, it’s not a penalty I’m suggesting, it’s a deterrent. The philosophy behind my thoughts is, like modern morality, in the developmental stages.


I slept reasonably well last night, from around 10:30 until around 2:30, when I woke to pee. When I tried to go back to sleep, my efforts kept getting interrupted by half-dream interactions involving purchases of high school text books. I finally got back to sleep, but not until I’d had a good hour of wakefulness. Then, shortly before 5, I woke up again, this time for good. I played word games, read a bit, and otherwise tried to occupy my time; but I had things on my mind that refused to let go (nothing bad, but definitely things with a good grip). Finally, after drinking lots of water (no coffee, thanks to my scheduled PET scan), I got settled in front of my computer to type. But mental intrusions continued, unabated. One of those intrusions was hunger. I had very little to eat yesterday, all day long, and did not eat much last night. And I cannot eat this morning until after my PET scan. My sister-in-law may meet me at Las Americas for lunch after my PET scan, depending on how much time I have between the scan and the visit with the doctor. I will have just two tacos, I think. But I may eat all the chips and bowls of salsa within several tables of our location.


Okay. I’ll admit it. I am so damn tired I cannot keep my eyes open. Again! So, a brief nap, perhaps, until I have to leave for my appointment. I may write coherently later. Maybe not.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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