Yesterday was a scramble, beginning in earnest the process of relocating household goods and finding places to put them. But we did not spend the entire day on that undertaking. Instead, around 3:00 p.m., we stopped for a visit with a friend. We offered her wine; we drank gin & tonic. Yes, it was early to imbibe, but we deserved it—the break constituted a well-earned stress reliever. Taking the break was just what I needed; I hope my IC feels the same. I enjoyed conversing with our friend. She is good company. Intelligent, sharp-witted, and generally a very good person. I hope we can spend more time with her on a regular basis.
And that leads me to recognize that I would like to spend more time with several other friends. I am of the opinion that we do not give ourselves enough free time to develop and nurture friendships with people whose company and conversation we enjoy. An occasional trip to Little Rock with friends is great. Intermittent gatherings at one anothers’ houses are enjoyable. One-of-a-kind excursions to participate in new and unique activities are great fun. But those engagements, in my opinion, are too infrequent and too short-lived for deep friendships to fully develop. Deep, soul-melding, profound, compelling friendships require time and immersion.
But perhaps I am one of the few people who desire those powerful, life-changing relationships. I have to acknowledge that many people—maybe most people—prefer relationships that are closer to the surface. I do not mean they opt for superficial relationships; only that for whatever reason they do not wish to invest the energy in friendships that require heavy fuel. Incidentally, I borrowed that concept from a song by Dire Straits; it’s the closest I can come to describing what powers deep, psychologically riveting and fruitful relationships. Back to the issue: maybe I desire friendships that involve delving deep into interpersonal engagements. Friendships that are both extremely comfortable and painfully open; the kind of personal involvement that encourages sharing even the most painful experiences or memories, all the while protecting one another’s friends from the aches and torments of life. Ultimately, I suppose what I’m attempting to describe is both friendship and love or a combination of the two. Or, perhaps, I’m coming to realize as I type that friendship is simply a manifestation of love. At least that’s what I want it to be. And it is, as I consider my relationships with various people. Or it could be, if we permit it to morph into its highest and best form.
This morning, as I think about people I consider friends, I ask myself whether they meet the criterion I often assert as a measure of friendship: do I feel sufficiently comfortable with them to invite them over for a beer or simply a conversation without prior notice? And vice versa? And would they come? Would I go?
The complexities of life interfere with that criterion. We’re all too busy with day-to-day calendar commitments and irrevocable obligations to just “drop by.” Or are we? Are we allowing ourselves to set priorities that illustrate the diminishing value we place on friendships?
These are the kinds of questions that rattle around in my brain every single day. Every day. If I could make a list of the topics that flow through my brain every day I would have a list a thousand yards long. I suppose that’s what makes life interesting and ever-so-challenging.
