Until yesterday, I questioned whether my most recent chemo treatment would cause me to lose all my hair or simply result in minor thinning. While, today, I am not absolutely certain, I would place a bet on losing it all. Hair left my scalp in clumps, giving new meaning to my receding hairline. Relatively long hair as well as closely cropped strands abandoned my head. Considering the volume of hair loss in just one day, I suspect my head will be bald, or close to it, later today—if not of its own accord, then probably by me, wielding electric clippers. Whether the outcome takes place before church this morning or sometime later in the day remains to be seen. I am not thrilled to be losing my hair, but neither am I devastated by it; it’s just an expected side-effect of one of the chemotherapy drugs. A benefit from the situation: I will get to see what I look like without hair.
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Fire in Paradise, a documentary film about the 2018 Camp Fire in California that left 85 dead and $16.65 billion in damage, left me stunned and deeply moved. I watched it last night—along with another far less interesting and informative documentary—while mi novia joined a bevy of friends for laughter, noshing, and conversation. (I can attest that their food was good, inasmuch as mi novia was sent home afterward with a container of savory goodies for me.) Back to the film: I learned more about the experience of residents and firefighters from the documentary than I ever did from newscasts; it’s available on Netflix and worth watching.
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The world seems to me entirely two-dimensional this morning. No significant substance, just thin-film images—façades in front of emptiness. Mirrors reflect that emptiness. They show the reality we desperately try to avoid. Two mirrors, each reflecting images of the other, reveal endless emptiness in a way that gives the absence of reality an odd appeal. We trick ourselves into believing three-dimensional experiences are real; our eyes are complicit in the deceit.
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It is after 8; well past time to prepare for whatever the day will bring.
