It was two fifty-five in the afternoon on Sunday, December 29, 2013. I was sipping my second shot of Maker’s Mark. That was not my usual practice. Typically, I would not have had any Maker’s Mark, much less be on my second shot, at that hour. But the skies were dreary grey and the temperature was uncomfortably low. So, a Maker’s Mark before 3:00 p.m.was not inexcusable. However, I must admit, considering how good it tasted and how good it made me feel, it could have become a hard habit to break. But I needed to avoid the absolute bliss that could follow four to six shots of Maker’s Mark each day between 3:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. So I stopped at two. Here it is, closing in on three years later, and I recall my Maker’s Mark of that day. How? Because I chronicled the experience in a small, spiral-bound notebook.
But drinking Maker’s Mark, alone, that early in the day is not the subject of this post, is it? Well, I should say not! No, the subject of this post is gratitude. Yes! Gratitude! It’s a fitting subject, given my appreciation for the Maker’s Mark that was in my glass and in my gullet on that day. What more could a man ask for? I must admit it; I had lust in my heart for Maker’s Mark. Maker’s Mark girded my loins, preparing me for the onslaught of whatever slaught was about to occur.
That having been said, I think it only right that I should plan to buy a very large bottle of Maker’s Mark before November 8 this year. Then, I should open said bottle on said day at, say, 9:00 p.m. I should then drink a shot of the juice and gird my loins for the election results. If they go the way that will save this country and this planet from ruin, I will drink just a few shots, enough to put me in a celebratory mood. If, on the other hand, the election puts a maniacal narcissist, a fuming xenophobic racist bastard with obscene wealth and a god complex, in charge of this country, I will drink the remainder of the bottle, putting me out of the misery that will surely befall the land. In either case, I will be grateful for the bottle of Maker’s Mark and its gift of loin-girding.