As I skimmed the Associated Press website this morning, I encountered a page with a section devoted to “shootings.” For just a moment, I was stunned that an entire section of a website would be dedicated to a summary of the latest mass killings perpetrated by people exercising their Second Amendment rights. But my surprise did not last; it’s just the way things are these days. Our society has hardened into a dystopian hellscape in which random killings are tolerated—we seem to acknowledge that mass murder is simply the price we pay for freedom; for the “right of the people to keep and bear Arms.”
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Another news item that caught my attention was Berkshire Hathaway’s divestiture of its remaining shares in Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSM). Warren Buffet, the force behind Berkshire Hathaway, explained that the sale was precipitated by Taiwan’s precarious position in geopolitical gamesmanship. TSM, Buffet says, is an extraordinarily well-managed company, but the fact that China increasingly is claiming “ownership” of the territory is concerning. Capitalism often takes its cues from political realities, just as politics frequently responds to the demands of capitalism. It is impossible to predict which force will be more powerful or more sinister at any given moment.
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Yesterday, mi novia and I took a drive up Fox Pass Cutoff, turning north on Peaceful Valley, finally making our way up to and along Stihl Road. Evidence that the roadway recently had been expanded, along with other clues, suggested the somewhat remote area was being prepped for a new development. Mi novia asked some workmen we encountered whether the area was, indeed, a new development. Their responses suggested the area was, in fact, being readied for an estate-sized tract development. Additional follow-up with a Realtor whose signs we saw in places revealed more details. Five- to seven-acre lots are being offered for sale at prices ranging from must under $50K to just under $70K. I asked for and received the covenants governing the tracts. And I imagined building a modestly-sized but thoroughly modern house on one of those tracts, hidden among a thick forest of hardwoods and pine. This morning, as I consider how much time it would take to buy some of the acreage, prepare it for building, build a new house, and sell the one we are in, reality set in. I am almost seventy years old. I wonder whether I really want to devote an entire year—or more—to a fantasy that might never evolve into the reality I would wish it to be? Time will tell. Time. What little may remain. But, God, I do have the ability to fantasize! I can dream big and bold and expansive! If only I had acted on some of my more grandiose dreams twenty or thirty or forty years ago… But I still have fantasies. Will I put them aside, too, for some future time when the moment is right? When is the time right to act on a dream?
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Weather forecasts change quickly. Yesterday morning, clear, dry skies were predicted for the next several day. Last night, the forecast changed: rain was expected today. This morning, the forecasts say today will be generally clear and dry, but tomorrow rain is in the forecast. Life mimics the weather. Or vice versa. Expectations are dashed. And then resurrected. And then crushed again. It’s all part of life in a universe fueled by chaos. Without chaos, the universe might be an endless void. As it is, the universe seems an outgrowth of endless chaos. What is beyond the edge of the universe? Does the universe have an edge…and end? If so, what lies beyond? It is impossible to comprehend either vision of this expansive…something…of which we are infinitesimally small component pieces. We can predict weather. But our predictions can be wrong. And we can predict the future. But we base our predictions on our knowledge of what has gone before—assuming the future will follow in some logical fashion, as if cause and effect will continue in the same way as “always.” We do not know. It is that simple. We do not know, because “it” is not knowable. Yet how can we “know” that?
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My dreams last night tease me with memories that lie just beneath the surface of accessible memory. I know I dreamed something exhilarating or emotional or otherwise quite powerful, but I have no idea what it was. Only that I awoke a little on edge, as if I had experienced something frightening or fascinating or enormously magnetic. I doubt I will remember anything of the dream(s). Their content will remain buried beneath my consciousness forever. Or until reality expresses the certainty that “forever” is an absurd impossibility in the dimension in which we exist.
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We are nearing the end of The Good Fight. I think we have only an episode or two left. With the exception of almost an entire season that deviated so far from reality that it seemed more like science fantasy than solid fiction, the series has been extraordinarily entertaining and intriguing. Christine Baranski and the rest of the cast has been fantastic. And the opening music and its accompanying wildly exciting extreme slow-motion explosions is almost enough to make me want to watch the series just to see and hear the opening credits. What’s next? Time will tell.
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I desperately want privacy, isolation, seclusion. But I need human contact. The two desires always are at war with one another. I suspect the wish to be away from people is based on both my longing for serenity and my distaste for exposure to all the flaws of humanity and my loathing of the scabs that form on top of the wounds we inflict on one another. “If only we all could just get along…” Such an attitude…such a Pollyanna approach to life in general. If only, indeed. Before I try to control the rest of humanity, I should continue working to perfect controlling myself. I am only a tiny fraction of the way “there.”
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There’s conflict between wanting to be in a position to make every decision without interference and wanting to reach collective decisions that incorporate the wishes of those around me. That conflict has existed since the beginning of time. Assuming, of course, time had a beginning. Which seems both absurd and certain. Madness prevails…because without madness, there would be nothing.
Bonjour! Welcome to Tuesday…at least this specific Tuesday.
