Another Routine

A difference exists between laziness and apathy, though often they manifest in similar ways. Laziness is characterized by an unwillingness to invest energy to accomplish what may be an intriguing objective. Apathy would treat the same objective with passionless disinterest. At times, identifying the reasons for opting not to pursue an objective is difficult; sometimes impossible. Laziness may lead to apathy or vice-versa. That is not to say one causes the other, only that ruling out a relationship between the two may be a mistake. Triggers may give rise to both attitudes; fear of failure, for example, or a closely allied emotion, lack of self-confidence. A person may want to achieve a goal, but not with enough vigor to overcome self-doubts about the ability to do it. Is that due to fear of failure or is it entirely a lack of self-confidence? Or is it both? I may want to pursue a career in medicine, but I am unwilling to devote the necessary fervor to the objective; is laziness or apathy to blame? It doesn’t matter. In the end, all I need is an excuse that leaves me with at least a few shreds of pride intact.

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Another long morning at the oncology clinic today. Blood draws for lab work, followed by an hours-long infusion of immunotherapy drugs and saline solution and, I hope, an update as to when I will have my next CT scan or PET scan or both. I am interested to get the scan(s) to learn whether cancer is retreating, holding its own, or gaining ground. Naturally, I would prefer to learn it is retreating. But it will be a while before I get the scans done, and longer still before I get the results. There’s nothing I can do about the wait, so I will simply cope.

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Off I go to the cancer clinic. Another routine to follow for a time. I’d prefer a different routine, or no routine at all.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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One Response to Another Routine

  1. Meg says:

    The psychologist I worked for years ago said that what we call laziness is either poor health or lack of motivation.

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