Bizarre, unpleasant dreams filled part of my night, attempting to ruin what could have been some relaxing moments of sleep. That odd space between wakefulness and sleep can be brutal; on one hand, one is aware that a dream is, in fact, a dream, but on the other hand there is nothing one can do to combat the artificial reality the dream brings about. I cannot seem to get my mind off the fact that my cancer has returned, though that is not part of my dreams. But I cannot help but think that fact influences the way my mind works while I sleep—having an effect on what and how I dream. Or maybe I am just allowing my mind to scramble like eggs. Ach!
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
~ Lao Tzu ~
Thanks to my sister-in-law, my late wife’s sister, I am getting a ride to my first chemotherapy appointment this morning. My SIL arranged for her friend, who has an enormous pickup, to drive me to and from my appointment, sparing me the stress of driving on treacherous roads that may be covered with black ice, refrozen from yesterday afternoon’s snow melt. Her friend is a genuinely good guy; the world could use more like him. He is no doubt better equipped than I, too, to maneuver these streets in hilly terrain. I am extremely grateful to my SIL and her friend—people who care.
Once again yesterday, in an attempt to battle my damn headaches, I slept quite a lot. Only by resting horizontally in bed was I able to minimize the annoying pain. Somehow, as I mentioned in yesterday’s post (I think), I was able to get to sleep through the headache. I wonder whether the headaches are caused by anxiety/stress? The doctors in the hospital were unable to find any physical causes or triggers.
I will leave for my chemotherapy in a few minutes. I may write more later today. Or maybe not.