Warming Thoughts

Inside the house, 71°F feels cold. I can only imagine that, outside, the temperature of 48°F must feel positively frigid. The HVAC unit remains on the “cooling” setting, but the air temperature indoors needs no downward adjustment. I am tempted to switch the system to “heating,” but in this in-between-season, I might frequently have to change it back and forth to match the circumstances. Perhaps switching the system off, instead, would make more sense. Maybe a pair of gloves and a sweatshirt on top of the sweatshirt I am wearing would be even better. And it’s past time that I abandon the flip-flops in favor of foot-warming slippers. I am old. I am not in the best of health. It is, therefore, natural for me to feel cold, even when the temperature is a balmy 71°F. I was comfortable in bed a while ago. Why did I desert it? Competing interests, with the desire to begin my day winning out over luxurious warmth: that’s what prompted me to get up. I may be in the process of changing my mind.

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Turkeys appeared in the forest near our house for the first time in a number of months. We saw six large, plump turkeys yesterday morning. ‘Tis the season, I suppose. Why do I see the creatures only “in season?” That question prompted me to explore, ever-so-briefly, for an answer. My guess was that the answer lies in their food foraging habits. The answer I found, on the wildturkeylab.com website, satisfied me:

…when the leaves start turning colors, wild turkeys typically shift their home ranges. This shift comes as turkeys enter winter flocks and focus their attention solely on food and safety. Fall foods are dominated by acorns in forested landscapes and waste grain in agricultural landscapes.

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My church doesn’t approve of assisted suicide and yours probably doesn’t, either.” So said my attorney, after I told her I do not want to be placed in a nursing home as I near the end of my life and that I want to be able to take pills or otherwise end my life on my own terms. I did not tell her I do not care what her church, or mine, might think of such a decision. Nor did I say such a decision is entirely personal and the church has no business “approving” of it or not. I could have challenged her…but what would have been the point? She is free to accept, or to reject, whatever position to which she feels inclined. Clearly, though, she and I have different positions on the matter. Does it matter? No. Not as long as she does not attempt to impose her view on me. And vice versa…except it’s hard for me to say there is any legitimate moral justification for preventing someone from ending their life, if that life would be physically or emotionally excruciating. Best for me to stay out of the fray, methinks. I should go on record (if I haven’t done so already) that I want to be cremated after I die (but not before!). Or kicked to the curb as food for vultures. Or used for medical research. Or otherwise disposed of as cheaply as possible. I do not expect to care, after I die. So do with me what you will; it matters not.

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Due to a change in the oncology center’s schedule, I have no appointments today and tomorrow. Hallelujah! And thanks to good friends who have graciously interrupted their days to drive me to and from medical appointments on Thursday and Friday, I need not worry about whether I am fit to drive myself (mi novia has important obligations on those days, else she would drive, as usual). I consider myself extremely fortunate to have such truly generous, giving, helpful, caring friends.

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Darkness prevails outside my windows. In spite of the fact that I chose to venture out into the cold house when I woke this morning, I am now thinking about returning to bed, to that warm, comfortable cocoon. Thinking hard about doing that.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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