A quick scan of today’s Life Kit feature on the NPR website this morning led me to another NPR story from last September. The second piece changed my approach to this drab-looking day just enough to make me want to delve more deeply into into eight so-called skills the article claims can help boost one’s mood and manage stress. The skills, taught in an online course developed by a team led by Judith Moskovitz, a research psychologist at Northwestern’s Feinberg School of Medicine, are these:
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- positive events;
- savoring;
- gratitude;
- daily mindfulness;
- positive reappraisal;
- self-compassion;
- personal strengths; and
- attainable goals.
Had I been writing the articles, I might have referred to the “skills” as “habits” or “practices,” but the names attached to them probably are not particularly important. I think developing habits that can redirect one’s thought processes is what can lead to positive changes in one’s moods and sense of optimism. And, of course, reduce anxiety and stress to more manageable and more tolerable levels. In many respects, the skills described as taught in the online course (which I have yet to find operating online) remind me of the elements of meditation practices. Perhaps my interest in this morning’s readings will prompt me to invest more real, measurable efforts toward developing the skills/habits…rather than just investing more time in mulling them over.
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A wall of windows in the oncology center’s treatment room looks out on a small private courtyard. On the other side of the private space, across from the windows, is a two-story artificial waterfall. Yesterday, while I spent 5+ hours receiving my chemical infusions, I stared at the waterfall. The water pouring over a flat stone at its top fell in a smooth, almost solid, sheet to the pool below. Rough stones on both sides of the waterfall lent an air of authenticity to the scene, but the smooth sheet of water did not look natural. It was too consistent, too precise, too predictable. Aside from its location—inside the courtyard of a building—its controlled flow over that flat stone betrayed the fact that it was counterfeit. Had the stone over which it flowed been interrupted with rocks too heavy for the water to move, the water might have been disturbed into “rapids” that would have seemed, to me, to be more realistic. But as I pondered these unimportant perspectives, it occurred to me that my sense that the design was imperfect overlooked the purpose of the feature: it was meant to be soothing and mesmerizing. The water feature was designed and created and built by people who likely understood and appreciated its purpose. People for whom easing the anxieties of cancer patients was and is important. That, I think, is an example of my own positive reappraisal.
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For the next 24-26 hours, I am to minimize my intake of (or refrain from) carbohydrates, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, and various other substances that could interfere with the validity of the results of tomorrow morning’s PET-scan. I sneaked in a banana and a cup of espresso before the fast began; if I hurry, I could have a little more before the clock strikes the hour of abstinence. Last night, as I thought about what I can eat during my hours of denial, it occurred to me that medical centers and offices could do a service for their patients (and make some money on the side, as if they need it). The service would be selling pre-packaged meal kits designed to ensure proper diets before medical procedures. Ideally, these kits would require no refrigeration and would have long shelf-lives. And they w0uld be reasonably-priced. I had a similar idea (that I thought about pursuing on my own) several years ago when I was mistakenly diagnosed as being in kidney failure and, later, with pancreatitis. I tried to interest members of one of my client associations (dietitians) at the time in joining forces with me, but did not know how to attract both the right expertise and the necessary capital to launch the idea. The scope and breadth of “do not eat” foods for people facing various diseases is stunning. I really believe such a service would take a great deal of pressure and anxiety off of people who face medical demands to radically change their diets. Fortunately for me, for now anyway, I am on only very short-term restrictions. I can last 26 hours. I’ve proven that over the past few months, when I’ve sometimes gone 4-5 days without eating more than a cracker or a bowl of soup.
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Today’s scheduled post-chemo injection is delayed until tomorrow, after my PET-scan. Apparently, having the shot today would require another wait of several days (or a week) before the scan. So, after my scan tomorrow, I will get the shot and meet with my oncologist to go over the results of the scan…assuming the results reach her by the time of my afternoon appointment with her. Crossing my fingers and toes that the results are good.
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If a full-blown dictatorship is in the offing or a global thermonuclear war is just around the corner, I hope their horrors will be quickly extinguished. Utter and complete nuclear annihilation (if it’s instantaneous), of the entire planet’s population might not be such a bad thing. But a dictatorship, which could ruin otherwise tolerable life experiences for a lot of people who don’t deserve crushing authoritarianism, is not acceptable. Whatever it takes to avoid it—socially acceptable or legal or deadly dangerous or not—must be undertaken when the signs are unmistakable.
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On a more positive note, Springtime is just a few weeks away. Soon, flowers will begin blooming, leaves will start to sprout, the air will warm (and, unfortunately, fill with pollen), and the grey days of Winter may be behind us for a few months. By the way, I believe the creators of the television series, Designated Survivor, were engaged in wishful thinking.
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I hear the voices of reason, but only in my dreams. Noise that pretends to be Silence drapes over me like a shroud. Absolute silence is just a fantasy, except in death. Even then, its echoes reverberate off walls, limitless in their thickness. Darkness, darker even than before there was Light, envelopes everything, even Time. Truth has yet to be created, so it cannot be told. But without Truth, there can be no Lies. Proof of the impossibility of Everything, laden with Doubt, signals that Nothing is strewn all around us, discarded like the rest of all the knowledge we never had.
