The choice is deliberate: become either the victim of circumstance or the beneficiary of experience. Unfortunately, many people default to victim, when the more advantageous and more profitable option is to benefit from a lesson learned. The more unfavorable of those two perspectives is ingrained in us from an early age and tends to stay with us until and unless conditions urge (or force) us to consider the alternative.
+++
Rain fills the gutters and washes the roof this morning, creating sounds conducive to sleep. But I am awake; wondering why certain sounds are calming. Rain, waves gently splashing on an ocean shoreline, wind rustling through dry leaves…those sounds are like natural sedatives. But other sounds—sounds unconnected to nature—can have the same effects. Soft notes from a distant piano, for example, or the mysterious melodic vibrations of hypnotic Hindustani classical music. Those reassuring sounds must be reminiscent of a mother’s breathing or her heartbeat, suggestive of safety and comfort and peace. How do we know those are the sensations babies feel? We do not know, at least not with certainty. We make the assumption, based on our adult experiences with the way we understand our own perceptions. We ascribe the same sensations, and their impacts, to babies. That may be reasonable, of course, but it is not “knowledge.” It is “assumption.” So much of what we “know” is, in fact, an artifact of belief.
+++
During our last trip to visit my brother in Mexico (and probably during earlier trips, as well), he prepared breakfasts consisting of a wonderful mix of fresh fruits (blueberries, strawberries, watermelon, papayas, etc., etc.). That’s what I would like for breakfast most mornings. But sitting inside at the breakfast table in my house would not be the same as sitting on their open-air terrace amid a lush garden filled with greenery and flowering plants…with a view of village rooftops and the lake in the distance. Sitting outside, enjoying fresh fruits and a glorious environment and the company of my brother and his wife has the effect on me of washing away tensions, anxiety, and concerns. Sitting here, in my office, having just eaten an unripe banana and drinking lukewarm espresso and a café mocha Ensure with a Propel chaser, is not even remotely as soothing. But it will do, in the absence of nirvana. I could be drinking water from a muddy stream, eating week-old crusts of bread, and viewing—from a crack in a concrete wall—a body-strewn battlefield. Gratitude for my experience, in lieu of fear and discomfort hatched by my imagination, is a better choice.
+++
I had planned to join a friend for a group dinner last night, but as usual I could feel my energy begin to ebb during the afternoon, so I opted to withdraw from the gathering. And, as usual, I was in bed early. Though I missed going to dinner, getting under the covers felt comforting, as if I was escaping anxieties and concerns and replacing them with a deep sense of relaxation. I fell asleep quickly and slept most of the night.
+++
The gentle rain I heard earlier has grown more aggressive. It is now accompanied by thunder and lightning and a sky too dark and grey for this late (8:00 AM) in the morning. This house is my unlocked cage most days; today is one of them. I could venture out, but why would I?
