Much of last night, spent on the fringes of sleep, felt like punishment for an unspecified crime or major infraction. Half-asleep and one-quarter awake, the rest of my hours of “sleep” churned in unpleasant semi-consciousness. Now, when I try to recall the disturbing dreams or fantasies or illusory tangles that comprised the environment in which I immersed myself, I see only translucent curtains, behind which are shadows of unrecognizable figures moving in urgent fits and starts. Though I have no idea of specifically what cluttered my mind last night, I know it was ugly and unsettling. Whatever it was, it sapped my energy, as if had I spent the night fighting to escape something troubling and frightening. By the time I woke, I had decided to surrender the fight—but, after I woke, I remembered nothing about what and to whom I was surrendering. I then got out of bed, went into the kitchen, and promptly decided to return to actually sleep. I left the Sunday morning visit I normally enjoy with my sister-in-law and mi novia to go on without me. The time is now about 1:30, roughly an hour and a half after I woke to shower and shave and otherwise ready myself for the rest of the day. My memory of last night’s dreamworld experience remains only a tangled nest of dark grey wire, wrapped into a ball. I want to probe into it to explore what happened last night, but I do not want to find myself stuck in the middle of the sphere, unable to extricate myself from its center.
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Entertainment. Our television-viewing lately has including the following:
- Department Q, Episode 1
- Hostage (limited series, episodes 1 to 5)
- Untamed (limited series, 5 episodes, ending with Terces
- The Black Rabbit (limited series; 1 episode so far)
I am sure I have not documented everything we have watched recently. I become lazy, coupled with uncertain about the value of keeping a record. Netflix makes it easy to review past viewing habits; the network keeps a record. The others we watch, though, do not make it so simple…they require viewers to keep their own records. So, if I want to keep track of viewing on Prime, Acorn, BritBox, etc., etc., we have to take action to record each program on a spreadsheet (or whatever). I have discovered, over time, that I am perfectly happy to rely almost exclusively on streaming services for my entertainment. When I include music resources from those services, I am close to completely pleased to sit at home: watch streaming programs, listen to music, think, write, and sleep. Sleep has become a perfectly fine pastime, by the way. It is no longer just a way to replenish my energy; it is a way to relax and enjoy comfort and, at the same time, enjoy thinking without the effort that can accompany thinking.
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Yesterday afternoon, a good friend stopped by to visit with us. And, as is often the case, she brought some tasty goodies…these from a pastry shop. The fact that she takes the time out of her busy (should I say “frenetic”?) schedule to spend an hour or two with us is so very meaningful. Her actions are both compassionate and educational; compassionate in that she shows that she cares and educational in that I learn from her practice. If I recover enough from my experience with cancer/cancer treatment, I hope to follow her lead and visit more often people who matter to me. Of course, she’s not the only one. I remain more than a little amazed by how many people have come into my life, in very positive ways, during the past decade.
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