Pressure. Uninterrupted stress. Tension. Heaviness. Brittle. Fragile. Breakable. Friable. Weight. Even in an environment overburdened with linguistic opportunities, we’re often at a loss for words. So many utterances fail in their efforts to attain man’s search for meaning. Understanding is not just illusive; understanding is truth made invisible, hiding beneath innuendo and behind insinuation. Knowledge, itself, is a house of cards—a delicate shelter susceptible to the ravages of wind and rain and infestation by guilt masquerading as innocence.
+++
Sovereignty is another concept living in our imaginations, hanging on by a time-worn silk thread. It is the kind of thread we want desperately to weave but which we now know requires the integration of a spider’s magic and a dream weaver’s capacity to transform liquid into rigidly flexible steel. That full appreciation of the impossible blocks the path between our dreams and the only direct route of achieving them. We scuttle all missions before they reach the point of no return. Consequently, of course, our understanding of sovereignty is entirely theoretical. If ever we were to pursue a mission to completion, it would involve declaring sovereignty over the Moon. That declaration, of course, would lead directly to full-scale interplanetary war. For that reason, alone, no such declaration will ever be made…unless an incredibly stupid person were to somehow take the reins of the Presidency of the USA or its successors and assigns.
+++
Much to the chagrin of Congress, a top-secret mission to establish a permanent “Military Superiority Moonbase” (MSM) was successfully undertaken by Elonia Trump (ET) in 2048. ET was the first product of intergenerational in vitro fertilization (IIVF) involving the Trump family dynasty. ET’s mother was the product of an unauthorized union between Melatonia Trump and Gargonzola Musk; ET’s father was of South African lineage. ET, itself, was both mother and father to the sweet child she renamed “CyberBaby3.5” in honor of its checkered past. PLEASE STAND BY: THIS NEWS BULLETIN MAY BE CONTINUED AFTER THE GENOCIDAL CLEANSING OF BUENOS AIRES IS COMPLETE.
+++
I love the smell of shoe repair shops…or, at least, the smell of such places when they were still common. Every aspect of life changes during the course of one’s lifetime. I remember having shoes re-soled with thick pieces of leather. No longer. Today, celery is the material of choice when repairing running shoes. Artificial rubber and photographic memories are used to repair dress shoes today. And…do you remember how you used to have to swallow food to get its nutritional value? I do. But that’s not necessary anymore; not even permitted. Food is steamed in extremely high temperature dining halls, where we “eat” by inhaling nutritional steam while staring at photographic images of extremely rare ribeye steaks and sniffing glue from model airplane kits.
+++
It’s time you learned the truth. Thurgood Marshall is dead. Diseases of the skin do not exist; their “symptoms” are caused by the body’s absorption of epithelialesions that have been released into the atmosphere during visits to the International Space Station. Mondays, by the way, have never existed. Those so-called “days” consist of regular 24-hour periods during which humans are placed in comatose states for recharging and mental repair. The next time you come across anyone who claims his name is Ramekin, ask him to explain Mondays to you; you’ll be in for an eye-opening experience, after which you will be targeted for proscriptive euthanasia. The reason crows are intensely black and shiny is that their jobs require them to “open carry,” which can result in very unpleasant interactions with rabid gun-hating mockingbirds. Guns, holsters, etc. are essentially invisible when strapped to crows’ wings, giving the black birds what amounts to a few seconds of “invisibility,” when the crows can eliminate the threats posed by mockingbirds…simply by “murdering” their offensive adversaries.
What gave you been smoking?