The primary results of a Google search for “how to overcome regret and guilt” include questionable “answers” sponsored by religious-based entities, along with sales pitches by companies and organizations that profit from “treating” emotional pain. Once those results have been rightfully dismissed, digging relentlessly through the remaining results could offer ideas that might provide possible, partial solutions. But it would be extremely risky to bet on it. At some point, though, I suppose the risks of making the bet are no more dangerous than living with the excruciating certainty that absolutely nothing can be done—even begin—to forgive the unforgiveable. Yet forgiveness may not necessarily be the objective. Instead, the aim may be to only temporarily alleviate the well-deserved pain of regret—an aim that, in itself, simply adds to an already-overwhelming sense of guilt. In other words, seeking to lessen the pain of regret and guilt only makes it worse. But permitting the pain to worsen, without doing anything to alleviate it, may be a hidden attempt at atonement that never works. The perfect examples of Catch-22. So, what do the true “experts” say?
They recommend: Acceptance—taking responsibility for one’s own healing; Learn from past mistakes—apply lessons to one’s life, moving forward; Take risks—Explore ways to find oneself again; Visualize the future—picture your life free from the guilt that plagues you.
The “experts,” it seems, have never experienced personal regret and guilt so deep that simple “how-to” tactics can never hope to work. Their hearts may be in the right place, but reality cannot be placated with trite advice. Only by becoming a different person—one who would never behave in ways that trigger guilt or regret—can those emotions be overcome. But who, then, is left to blame for those behaviors? Someone must take the blame for causing harm. Perhaps regret and guilt should NOT be overcome, then, lest the actions that brought them about—and caused pain—be erased. This entire issue is far more complex than we might wish…hope…accept.
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Aside from the mental morass that is invading my head this morning, I remain physically fatigued. Too many—or too few—hours of sleep yesterday afternoon and last night have left me weak to the point of surrender. I want to be warm and comfortable; back in my bed or in a human cocoon. I want my brain to be at ease; too much neural activity is causing short-circuits. Two hours in the mourning darkness has left me depleted. Of course I started that way. It is hard to say, with a straight face, I need more rest; but that’s how I feel at the moment. Rest and a doughnut. I can live without the doughnut, I suppose, but rest is a necessity.
