A is for Arnold who choked on his ego.
B is for Barney killed in Oswego.
C is for Carmen who fell off a bridge.
D is for Dennis who got locked in a fridge.
E is for Everett burned up in smoke.
F is for Felicia whose skull shattered and broke.
G is for Garret who stabbed himself twice.
H is for Hortense who was frozen in ice.
I is for Isaac, impaled on a spear.
J is for Jackie who died of stark fear.
K is for Karla who drowned in a bowl.
L is for Lawrence who fell into a hole.
M is for Mary who choked on fish bones.
N is for Norman, crushed by pine cones.
O is for Opal who dissolved in hot caustic.
P is for Paul, murdered by an agnostic.
Q is for Quincy who perished at sea.
R is for Russell who fell from a tree.
S is for Susan smothered by birds.
T is for Terry who inhaled some cheese curds.
U is for Ursula, stabbed in a bar.
V is for Violet who was hit by a car.
W is for Warren buried in asphalt.
X is for Xavier who died in an assault.
Y is for Yasmin who succumbed to a cough.
Z is for Zander whose head was cut off.
[With apologies to, and deep admiration for, Edward Gorey and his The Gashlycrumb Tinies.]