Recovery from physical tiredness is quicker and easier than revitalizing the energy depleted by mental fatigue. Generally a refreshing shower and a bit of rest, after back-breaking physical exertion, will restore sapped energy. Mental exhaustion, though, seems to take up residence in one’s body and brain, requiring considerable time—and a psychic crowbar—to unseat it from its seemingly immoveable anchor. Yet sleep sometimes helps loosen the grip of mental malaise. But sometimes sleep deepens the sense that one’s brain is in full-on, though utterly ineffective, rebellion against unbeatable forces. In those instances, sleep demands more sleep…and more sleep demands even more. Yesterday afternoon, I wanted sleep—just a little—to clear the cobwebs cluttering my mind. Two hours, I thought, would be more-than-adequate. So, at 5:45 p.m., after a trip to the oncologist followed by a late lunch, I decided to take that nap. This morning, at around 3:45 a.m., I woke for my second or third pee-break of the wee hours; I did not return to bed. The two hour nap had morphed into ten hours of sleep, filled with upsetting dreams about which I remember nothing. After I woke, I hoped my lengthy sleep had broken the malaise. No, I found I still felt mentally spent and wanting more sleep. Christ! From experience, I know that would simply exacerbate the situation. I do not know what might drag me away from that cycle. Well, at least sleep might provide a barrier to dwelling on the matter. I’ll think about it. First, perhaps, I should try to understand what has made me feel mentally drained.
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Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just empty air.
