My agenda for a week from tomorrow includes a PET-scan. A follow-up visit with my oncologist, six days later, will clarify the implications of the PET-scan results. Worrying about the possible results has no value, of course, so I will attempt as always to keep my concerns in check. Easier said than done, but worth the effort. Later this morning, I have a chemotherapy session scheduled. I am a living, breathing experiment; a participant in a process to determine the long-term effects of ongoing chemotherapy and the extent to which my mind and body will continue to welcome the infusion of carefully-measured poisons. Last night, mi novia and I discussed my experiences, so far, with chemo. We agreed that my responses have been far less onerous and unpleasant than vast numbers of others, whose bodies respond to chemo with excruciating pain and/or deeply unpleasant emotional roller-coasters. I have been, and continue to be, a lucky man.
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All it takes is a glance. Just a quick peek through the window pane. Even before the image of the world on the other side of the glass registers on my retinae, I can tell. The day is sullen. Surly. Unfriendly. Cold. Unkind. Not overtly hostile, but lacking any sense of kinship or caring. It is the kind of day that amplifies my desire for solitude and makes the protection that accompanies loneliness appealing. This sort of day shapes my mood—muffles my interest in interacting with all but a few people. And makes me wish I could communicate telepathically with those few others. The day and I withdraw from one another; not out of animosity, but simply because seclusion increasingly is comfortable and restorative. On the other hand, spending time alone—with myself as my only companion—elevates my curiosity about how my experience would be different if I could be someone more interesting than I am.
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People familiar with the English language often have ready access to a number of idioms that say essentially the same thing. Those alternative phrases tend to rely on a literary foundation or poetic bent for emphasis. For example, with reference to past thoughts or actions that are no longer important or cannot be changed, the following phrases—among others—can be used or adapted to convey the message:
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- What’s done is done.
- That ship has sailed.
- Let bygones be bygones.
- It’s too late.
- That’s water over the dam.
- It’s all in the past.
- That’s water under the bridge.
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Pressure, both external and internal, may be real or imaginary. Rage and fear are woven into either a biological or psychosomatic fabric (or both) that attempt to keep pressurized contents from bursting their respective containers. Blankets that constrain explosive power.
