Frost on the roof and evergreen trees, visible from the windows of my study, suggests I would be more comfortable staying indoors today—my typical day—than venturing out. But chemotherapy is on the agenda, so I will just have to deal with the underabundance of warm temperatures. Even when we claim to have no choices, we are drowned in them. I could simply opt to cancel my chemo appointment, for example, or I could ask to be placed in a brief, medically-induced, coma while enroute to and from the cancer treatment center. I could postpone the treatment until we experience a period of reliably warm weather, but that might interfere with or counteract the progress made thus far in keeping the cancer from advancing as rapidly as it otherwise would. Choices, then, are not necessarily appealing, or even realistic, choices. Sometimes, they are unattractive or unpleasant options. Maybe options is not the right word; perhaps alternatives is a more descriptive fit. Options suggests, to me, alternatives that are at least modestly interesting. How is it that something so mundane as this can command so much of my time? I often wonder why I can burrow so deeply into such rabbit warrens.
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I am not the only person who has expressed curiosity about whether there is a maximum temperature—an opposite of absolute zero. Fourteen years ago, more or less, a query on reddit asked that very question. The few answers almost immediately assumed a knowledge of such esoterica as how logarithms work, Planck temperature, and other such excursions into quantum theories and physics that are beyond my comprehension. But what I got out of the responses is that absolute zero, the lowest possible temperature, is a theoretical limit that cannot be reached in practice. However, that unreachable limit is assigned specific theoretical temperatures: 0 Kelvin (K), -273.15 degrees Celsius (°C), -459.67 degrees Fahrenheit (°F). But, at the log scale (according to one respondent), the lowest temperature would be equal to negative infinity. At the other end of the spectrum, there is no specific maximum…except positive infinity; except one respondent says quantum theory may predict a maximum temperature. At this late stage in my life, there is no compelling reason for me to attempt to absorb a lifetime of understanding of and knowledge about physics. But, if that understanding and knowledge were obtainable by getting a simple injection, I would go for it. I loathe that I did not devote enough time and energy to learn this stuff…or that I am not sufficiently intelligent to achieve that knowledge and understanding.
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A high school classmate with whom I have been in occasional online contact in recent years sent me a message this morning, letting me know she and her son are in Hot Springs Village for a few days. She wondered whether we might be able to visit briefly. Thanks to my schedule and her limited time here, that is, unfortunately, not possible. I have not seen her in 53 years and, to the best of my recollection, we were at most casual acquaintances during our school years. It’s interesting how some faint and tentative connections can endure after such a long time. From what I know of her now, her philosophies are liberal and progressive, which might explain why we remember one another. Another matter to occupy my mind; how are people who otherwise have little in common drawn to maintain informal connections over the course of time?
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The howling cat is complaining bitterly that I will not permit her to leap onto my desktop and shed enough fur to weave into a heavy coat. She seems to crave attention, yet when I try to reach for her to pet her, she rejects my overtures and clearly expresses disdain for me. Yet she looks at me, from just beyond arm’s reach, and looks pleadingly at me. She cries pitifully, as if distraught that I am not paying enough attention to her emotional needs. Dogs are far more friendly. Dogs are kind. Cats are self-indulgent, emotionally empty creatures; feline versions of the Kardashians or the Trumps. Potatoes are friendlier than Phaedra.
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Desolate places are like magnets to me. That is one of many compelling arguments.
