Author Archives: John Swinburn

At what point would insurrection be an acceptable response to a totalitarian regime? And who would need to accept that response to legitimize it? I think about such things far more frequently than I would like. Today’s world makes thinking … Continue reading →

Both major political parties in the U.S. emphasize their support of positions near the ends of opposing philosophical spectra. And both parties demonize the other’s leaders—and supporters. The other parties, in general, focus on one primary issue, appealing to a … Continue reading →

The ferocity of last night’s wind and rain and thunder and lightning felt and sounded like the final storm had come to wash all of us off the surface of the Earth. But both of us are (I think) still … Continue reading →

Tiny chartreuse leaves have sprung from the twigs and branches of large trees visible from my office window. A few days ago, those leaves did not exist; or they were so small they were invisible from my vantage point. Each … Continue reading →

I want a back massage. I may NEED a back massage. Almost every day for the past week, intermittent pain in my upper and middle back has been a source of discomfort. It’s not terribly bad, but sufficiently irritating that … Continue reading →

The blood vessels beneath the skin on my right arm and right hand are more than simply visible. They appear to be just barely shy of the surface—working their way toward contact with the air around me. The tangled webs … Continue reading →

Anger, to achieve its ultimate objective, must be controlled long enough to grow into a hidden, but unquenchable, lust for retributive power—absolute domination. That is the point at which pure anger is unleashed in the form of volcanic rage, enveloping … Continue reading →

I heard a piliated woodpecker (I think…it could be another type of woodpecker) hammering on a tree. It sounded like a distant jackhammer; used in an effort to bring down a huge pine tree. How would I know how a … Continue reading →

The call came yesterday afternoon. I signed, electronically, the consent form to participate in a clinical trial of a cancer drug that has not yet been given to humans. While I do not expect the drug to magically cure my … Continue reading →

A phone call yesterday afternoon brought me one step closer to participating in a clinical trial (research study) of a product intended to battle cancer. Later today or tomorrow, if the process plays out as explained to me, I should … Continue reading →

My fascination with the absence of sound probably had its origin when I realized that, even in a place insulated from sound, I could hear…something. Whether it was blood coursing through the veins in my ears or constant, faint noises … Continue reading →

Google‘s AI reports that the first fully synthetic plastic, Bakelite, was invented by Leo Baekeland in 1907. Baekeland’s Scottish rival, James Swinburne, made it to the patent office a day later. Had Swinburne made it to the patent office two … Continue reading →

When I look in the mirror, I see someone I do not recognize. Pronounced wrinkles replace the once-smooth skin around my eyes. Unruly tufts of ultra-thin white wisps have taken the place of my “salt & sand” head of hair, … Continue reading →

Gentle breezes cause the wind chimes hanging from the deck’s cover to make soft, metallic tones. Strong winds and powerful gusts over the last few days accelerated and amplified those sounds, turning soothing notes into constant, jarring “clangs,” loud and … Continue reading →

It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. That quote is attributed to Grantland Rice, American sportswriter. Those words place honor, integrity, virtue, honesty, and “sportsmanship” above performance. In other words, results matter less than … Continue reading →

I sometimes daydream about sitting on desolate rocky outcroppings where a continent meets a rough ocean. Waves crash against huge stones, slowly turning the solid landmass into grey boulders and then into pebbles. Eventually, in my mind’s eye, the pebbles … Continue reading →

Selecting a cancer treatment option legitimately feels like a life or death decision. But the choices do not have clear consequences—only that one may extend one’s life (or not) and the other(s) have have the same potential effects. The selection … Continue reading →

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide. ~ Mahatma Gandhi ~ My exploration of possible options with M.D. Anderson (MDA) continues today; two scheduled telephone meetings with representatives of the Clinical Center for … Continue reading →

I barely noticed the changes in terrain and vegetation as we traveled to Houston last Thursday. But snapshot memories of the drive illustrate the transformation…from hilly pine forests to coastal plains littered with scrub brush and oak trees. And redbud … Continue reading →

Time to wander into the week…find out more about the M.D. Anderson plan. In reviewing the volumes of data they have amassed about my medical history, I learned that I am no longer as short as I was…I am shorter! … Continue reading →

The view from the 15th floor of the Houston Hilton, looking west, is deceiving. If I didn’t know otherwise, I would assume the string of tall buildings springing up from the distant horizon and growing more dense in the view … Continue reading →

I met with several oncology staff specialists yesterday, but missed an x-ray I was not told was scheduled. Nothing on the books until Monday…a meeting with a researcher to determine whether I qualify for one or more clinical trials and … Continue reading →

We are sitting in the main building of M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, passing time until my requested arrival time of 11:30. The Texas Medical Center is enormous…many, many buildings representing medical specialties from the most common to the rarest of … Continue reading →

The blank page stares at me again this morning, like yesterday, but I have no mocking, sarcastic comments at the ready to make light of the situation. Instead, I gaze helplessly at the screen, hoping the gears of my mind … Continue reading →

Searching for something to think can be an exercise in extreme frustration. No matter where one looks—even in hidden creases and beyond promising bends in the psyche—only emptiness can be found. Emptiness saturates the past, present, and future, as if … Continue reading →