Author Archives: John Swinburn

My frustration grows when my ideas feel sticky and incomplete. Frustration turns to panic when my lungs fill with a viscous fluid mix of jagged grains of sand and warm creosote. No matter what I do in my attempt to … Continue reading →

Neither the sun nor the moon looks on us with compassion. Their emotionless stares seem to bathe us in indifference. On occasion, though, their fierce glares far surpass apathy, offering evidence of unrestrained animosity—the kind of hatred ignited by betrayal. … Continue reading →

The incredible majesty of the universe—where the simplest of the simple is far and away the most complex and where the most intricate is the the purest and simplest—may be the single most compelling argument that humankind is incapable of … Continue reading →

If my level of interest was high enough, I might explore the reasons why so many pharmaceuticals are called by so many names. But I would say my level of interest ranges between moderate and moderately high, with occasional surges … Continue reading →

Years ago, on one of our periodic road trips, my late wife and I drove west from Chicago. I do not recall with certainty whether we had a particular destination in mind or whether it was, like so many of … Continue reading →

Yesterday was full of medical procedures and appointments. It began with a PET-scan and blood draws before noon, followed by a review session with the radiologist, and finished with a visit with my oncologist, who reviewed the PET-scan results with … Continue reading →

Fiction is merely a preview of upcoming facts—a look ahead to see the world in the absence of pressures and constraints on its path along the way to get there. Tomorrow is today—but dressed in bright colors and fine jewelry. … Continue reading →

My chemo session on Wednesday apparently has had/is having some of the old stand-by side-effects I recall from earlier treatments; among them, fatigue, sleeping late, periodic stabbing pains, etc. But the analgesics seem to work reasonably well, most of the … Continue reading →

What would the experience be like? Traveling to another country, making contact with members of fierce criminal gangs, and launching a new career as a brutal and dangerously violent money-hungry beast? I suspect it might be quite different for me … Continue reading →

I woke late (after 6:30) this morning, for the second consecutive day. That kind of unintentional adjustment to my morning routine seems to compress my day—as if time is snatched away from me as an unrecoverable, permanent loss. There is … Continue reading →

A report published in 1972 (Limits to Growth) suggested a highly likely scenario in which, by 2040, a precipitous and uncontrollable global decrease in population and industrial capacity will take place…unless significant alterations are made in resource utilization and environmental … Continue reading →

If the pain accompanying a physical malady had a unique sonic signature, deaf doctors might be at a distinct disadvantage in diagnosing the ailment. How odd it must be to listen to a doctor—with unimpaired hearing—say, “I can hear your … Continue reading →

I am, again, enlisting the calming aroma of patchouli incense and the mesmerizing sound of “spa” music in my attempts to engage peacefully with the day. These are not the weapons of war, nor the instruments of surrender. They are … Continue reading →

Sitting in front of a blank computer monitor, waiting to be struck by a bolt of enlightenment, leaves me both empty and fulfilled. I am neither dead nor alive until that bolt of enlightenment bathes me and my state of … Continue reading →

Just when I was about ready to finish this morning’s blog post, I lit a cone of incense, something I have not done in quite some time. Mi novia mentioned that noticeable pause in what used to be my common … Continue reading →

Safety is a concept. A wish or dream or desire or promise or expectation or…who knows just what it is?  One thing it is not, though, is concrete…no mass and no weight, it takes up no space. It is neither … Continue reading →

I try to combat the natural…well, I suppose it’s natural… tendency to allow my cancer diagnosis to wreck my emotional state. When I was first diagnosed with lung cancer in late 2018, I entered the fray with the assumption I … Continue reading →

I get it. I understand the motivation. In fact, the quest for ideal isolation may be the only thing I truly comprehend. Everything else is distraction…maddening interference that gets in the way of achieving serenity. Not just achieving serenity, but … Continue reading →

I remember the overwhelming sense of awe I felt when, as a teenager, my brain permitted me to fully understand that my body was mine; and mine alone. As I remember the circumstances, nothing in particular triggered the sense of … Continue reading →

James Ussher, an Irish priest and religious scholar, asserted the creation of the universe took place on October 22, 4004 BCE, just 4057 years and a day before my birthday. Georgi Gospodinov, a Bulgarian writer, wrote in his novel, Time … Continue reading →

The sub-head displayed for an image on the New York Times website shatters the hope for optimism: In a pessimistic era, a temporary, tenuous pause to fighting has become the most anyone is trying to achieve. A brief interruption. A … Continue reading →

I took the opportunity during yesterday’s chemo treatment to inquire, again, about my prognosis. The oncologist’s response was, again, just as expected: we want to keep you alive for as long as you are content with the quality of your … Continue reading →

My weight began to creep back up during the past weekend, barely topping 150 pounds for two consecutive days. Mi novia…and others…urge me to eat more. Protein-laden foods, especially, but anything that will pump calories into me. I understand their … Continue reading →

This morning’s My Unsung Hero on the NPR website triggered in me a flood of memories and emotions. The piece told the story of a neighbor helping a woman facing growing obligations while dealing with her husband’s brain injury. One … Continue reading →

Last night, we began watching a 2007 film that I think I watched when it first came out; No Country for Old Men. It’s the sort of gritty film the Coen brothers are known for and the kind of film … Continue reading →