Author Archives: John Swinburn

The address written on the envelope was penned in perfect, beautiful handwriting. The handwriting of the note on the Christmas card inside was just as spellbindingly perfect. And the message conveyed by that note was among the sweetest and most … Continue reading →

I am hungry to understand. I yearn to know the unknowable. I want to comprehend the incomprehensible. I seek insight into secrets hidden by immeasurable time. I crave knowledge, but without the enormous pain knowledge unleashes. Existence, itself, is hypocrisy; … Continue reading →

The winter solstice is a time for celebration and reflection…or just another moment in time. Or, perhaps, it is a period of acknowledgement and wonder about the occasional  predictability of the universe. I’ve always been mildly intrigued by the winter … Continue reading →

A song I played on Amazon Music recently has been on my mind for days. I’ve been enthralled by House at Pooh Corner, a tune by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, since I first heard it more than thirty years … Continue reading →

Perfection. The state or quality of matching in every detail the definition of an ideal; the pursuit of which is a fool’s errand. +++ I have said it before: prisons refract life in much the same way that prisms refract … Continue reading →

Today is the fourth anniversary of my wife’s death. I had spent part of the day with her as she lay unresponsive in the hospital hospice unit bed, but left a little after mid-afternoon, maybe 4:00 p.m. Sometime after 7:30 … Continue reading →

Instead of posting here yesterday, I woke in the hospital after an overnight stay. Day before yesterday, when I visited my oncologist’s clinic, they readily agreed to deliver a bag of IV fluid through my chest port. But, even though … Continue reading →

My food and fluid intake since Friday afternoon has been minimal. No matter how I try, I cannot bring myself to drink enough water to remain hydrated nor to eat enough food to maintain sufficient strength. To combat dehydration, I’ll … Continue reading →

I continued sleeping—for most of the time—between Friday afternoon and 5 this morning. Though still weak and tired, I may be coming out of the worst of it; whatever “it” was. But I’ll make no wagers just yet. I still … Continue reading →

I haven’t taken my mass of morning pills yet today. Some days, the idea of swallowing a handful of pills and tablets is beyond offensive. It is an affront to my humanity. Evidence that I am unable to survive on … Continue reading →

By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return. ~ Genesis 3:19 ~ Ashes to ashes, … Continue reading →

Every day, I sit staring through the windows of the forest before me. And every day, its appearance changes—at least a little. Today, the substantial changes leave the trees looking taller and more gaunt. Their trunks and limbs appear more … Continue reading →

Furtive glances. You’ve seen them. The knowing looks exchanged between people who share a secret—in the context of a group of others who don’t. Their shared knowledge may relate to their own (or someone else’s) real or hoped-for clandestine love … Continue reading →

The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. ~ +++ When I read an AP new article about the results of … Continue reading →

Finally, my desk is uncluttered. I sit here, looking across to the front left side of the desk, and I see a darker square of wood, the spot where my copy of The Essence of Zen: An Anthology of Quotations, … Continue reading →

We spent a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon yesterday with a good friend, talking about matters both mundane and momentous. Just days ago, in a post here, I bemoaned the disappearance of truly substantive dialogue. Yesterday’s discussions offered solid evidence that my … Continue reading →

As soon as mi novia wakes, I will fill the washer with a monstrous load of clothes. I have intended to take care of that for several days, but laziness/fatigue/tiredness/whatever have stood in my way. Because I tend to wear … Continue reading →

The paradox of education is precisely this – that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated. ~ James Baldwin ~ +++ A couple of night ago, when films and … Continue reading →

Conversation. informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words The definition of the word, as presented above, has evolved. No longer must the interchange of thoughts, information, etc. be limited to spoken words. A conversation need not be oral; … Continue reading →

People gravitate toward others in the search for emotional comfort. But the sense of well-being that arises from the relationship can take different forms. One person may consider the bond to be a satisfying—but casual and somewhat superficial—connection, while another … Continue reading →

Several days ago (it may have been a week or more), another image on Facebook caught my attention. The picture was a delicate white Christmas tree, lit with small white lights and adorned with what appeared to be full-sized black … Continue reading →

The possibility exists, of course, that the thought has always resided somewhere deep in my brain. But only this morning—for the first time, as far as I know—did the idea solidify. Just moments ago, as I saw down to record … Continue reading →

He watched himself dissolve, from a distance, as he stumbled through the mud and dust.

My hands are cold, as are my feet. I have not had to rely on my cane so far this morning, but if my feet get any colder, I may watch them crack into icy pieces of flesh-colored glass. +++ … Continue reading →

Despite the fact that I felt a little like microwaved end-of-life, yesterday’s gathering of friends for a traditional Thanksgiving meal lifted my spirits. The group was small—eight of us. Had it been significantly larger or smaller, the closeness of the … Continue reading →