Quick and easily attainable proficiency in multiple languages would give me options I can only dream about in the present stage of my life. I harbor envy, jealousy, and resentment toward people who quickly and painlessly pick up languages beyond their native tongues. To be honest, it is not the individuals’ capabilities I begrudge. It’s their good fortune I envy; to have been reared in an environment conducive to becoming a polyglot and to have been encouraged to learn multiple languages. Forty years ago, had I been able to quickly acquire fluency in several Scandinavian languages, I could have planted myself in Sweden or Finland or Iceland. With those language skills, I would have been able to adjust very quickly to the lifestyle differences between the Nordic countries and “home.” I would have been able to enjoy cultures in which civility and general human decency are more highly valued than in my home culture. And I could have gotten used to the weather; I’m sure of it. For many years, I have played with a fantasy in which a person’s speech capabilities could be dramatically expanded with a precise combination of electrical stimulation of the brain and infusion of targeted pharmaceuticals and/or other chemicals. In my vision, a complex assortment of electrical “shocks” and chemical reactions within brain and muscle tissues would artificially implant and appropriately “order” information in the brain and “train” the tongue and mouth to create the sounds necessary to convert the information into language. For example, when I think of the word “rabbit” in my native English, I could speak the Swedish word “kanin.” Or, when I hear the Swedish word “varg,” my English mind would understand it as “wolf” in English. Better still (when the complexities are all ironed out), there would be no translation; it would be pure, unadulterated fluency. I am convinced that this vision of mine will eventually be realized, provided governments do not prohibit scientists or linguists or whoever from conducting intensive research into such possibilities.
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Among the many reasons I tend to delve into hundreds (or thousands) of subjects only “skin deep” may have to do with my lack of confidence in my ability to fully grasp the full breadth and depth of most subjects. I develop an interest, then start to explore it, but soon come to the conclusion that I do not have the intellectual capacity to master a deeper understanding. I tell myself I simply lose interest, but that’s probably not true…more likely, it is because I am resigned to my mental limitations. Either I know, deep in my core, I do not have the ability to comprehend, or I do not want to damage my ego by trying and failing…because I do not have the ability to comprehend. Had I attempted to get beyond those obstacles many years ago, I might have overcome them. But at this late stage in life, neither my energy nor my thirst for knowledge is up to the task. Wisdom comes far too late to do much good.
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During the very brief period between sleep and sleep last evening, we began watching a brand new Netflix series entitled The Åre Murders. The promotion teasers appropriately label the Swedish-made series’ genre as Nordic noir. I think we viewed three out of five episodes; it was sufficiently intriguing that I could have watched the remaining two last night, except for feeling ill and exhausted. I’ve been too tired or too distracted to watch much television lately; my eyelids droop and my mind wanders off into elaborate daydreams, making it impossible to follow the action on the screen. But last night was different—for as long as it lasted. Now, if I can just hold on to my interest in the show for the two remaining episodes, I will be able to claim that I watched an entire program.
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Even though I slept almost the entire day yesterday, I already feel my limited energy getting spongy like a leaky balloon. I got up around 3:30. It’s not quite 6 now, but I feel sure I will be able to sleep if I recline on the sofa and daydream about impossible things.
