Something woke me. So here I am. Wondering what to do and why. There are at least two sides to me—probably many more. But the two most distinct are the loner and the poseur; the guy who keeps to himself and the fellow who readily exposes himself (mentally) as loner’s unrelated twin. My decisions and preferences, therefore, are naturally predisposed toward antipathy, conflict, discord, and their opposites. There is little room for the middle road in this…
The world is a very dark, lonely place disguised to look like a carnival midway under periodic attack by armed shooters. Reality is hidden beneath a vibrant mask, crackling with lively sounds, sizzling bright lights, and strewn with every color of the rainbow, and then some. People who refuse to wear their midway makeup are ostracized and targeted for emotional dissection. Yet no one knows who picks the targets. If, in fact, anyone does. Maybe the ugliness, too, is a ruse? Rumors tease and belittle and soothe with the same energy that propels sleep. You remember sleep, don’t you? Ah, but you were younger then, so your memory may not have yet developed. One that superceded it may be gone by now, too, so there’s that…
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“The philosophers and intellectual dreamers have had their day. It’s time for the practitioners and realists have a go at it.” Maybe that’s the driving foundational concept of today’s far-right conservatism. That is not to say I fully agree with it; yet I think that perspective is the propellant of what is, in my opinion, largely a reaction to perceived dismissal. The more I observe, hear, and read from those practitioners and realists, the better I think I understand their point of view. For years and years, continuing education beyond high school…college and beyond…have been sold as the stairway to heaven. Implicit, in the promotion of the extreme value of college and professional careers, is the debasement of people who earn by doing, instead of just by thinking. I see that. Whether it is intentional or not, it is what happens. And it should not. Reacting to that perceived scorn, some (many?) right-leaning people either consciously or unconsciously adopt characteristics or traits that illustrate the contrast between them and the philosophers and intellectual dreamers. One of dozens (or more) of possible contributors to the dark and dangerous divide that exists today in our society. Both ends of the spectrum have considerable value. But both ends also have flaws that can diminish or even destroy the value. Compassion. Empathy. Openness to new ideas. Willingness to admit our mistakes. Prioritization of people over power, politics, and profit.
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The barely audible hum—distant and somewhere far beyond the immediately adjacent cricket-sounds of tinnitus—is more than sound. It accompanies a constant vibration; a physical sensation that for some reason makes me feel tense and anxious. For the briefest second, when I first felt it, my mind immediately decided it was somehow connected to an authoritarian or alien takeover or invasion. That kind of thought sounds nothing even remotely like me. But it was there. Since it started, I have listened intently in the hope I can determine its source and purpose. I suspect it is not even real, though. I think I hear and feel that dull buzz, but it may be entirely in my imagination. That is more than a little concerning.
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Strike while the iron’s hot. That was my intent yesterday when yesterday afternoon, after being infused with steroids for several days, I had a much-higher-than-usual (lately) level of energy. So, I finally finished tackling the electric smoker, which had been sitting on the back deck for two years, uncleaned and unattended. I scraped the interior of the smoker, removing coatings of dirt, grease, and rust. I scrubbed the smoking cabinet and tested the smoker. Success! Very soon, provided my energy boost lasts long enough, I will smoke a couple of pork tenderloins. Perhaps smoke a burger. And whatever else I can persuade myself to do. I might grill some zucchini, some onions, and a few jalapeños to go with the protein.
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For breakfast, so far: 3 Oreo cookies; 4-5+ Taralli Rosmarino Round Breadsticks with Rosemary, 1 Ensure, espresso, and water. 2000 calories, probably…The breadsticks, alone, must have 1000+ calories.
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I have never regretted being filthy rich, but I would be willing to give it a shot—you know, see what good I could do with it.
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Let your blog readership grow organically, they said. Oh, I see. I think I have been focusing on composting, alone.
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It’s just barely 6:00 a.m. I’ve been out of bed for close to three hours, probably because of the steroids. But I’m tired, anyway, so I may give it another shot.
