The sky remains dark, just a few minutes before 6:00 a.m. as I sit down at my desk to begin my pointless morning ritual: recording my thoughts before they disappear into the day. Ephemeral fragments of the dream from which I woke slip in and out of my consciousness, never settling long enough for me to remember them. Though I doubt dreams have any substantive meaning, I indulge my imagination by letting my mind wander through them—when I remember enough detail. Not today. I know only that I dreamed, not what the dream encompassed. Just like I know that, two weeks ago—and two months ago—I experienced an entire day, but I do not recall what, specifically, that experience involved. Some memories flow into a fixed mold, hardening like molten steel when it cools. Others spill out like water on a bitterly-cold glass table-top, freezing hard until the sun releases shapeless water from the sheet of ice. When conditions are right, memories transform, again. Like liquid water, memories disappear into—or take the shape of—vapor.
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According to news reports and word-of-mouth, store shelves have been emptied by shoppers preparing for the coming winter storm. Ice and hilly terrain combine to make travel hazardous, even deadly. Ice, electric lines, and weakened trees combine to create conditions favorable to power loss and roof storm damage. Refrigerated and frozen food can spoil and foods that require cooking can become useless when electric stove and ovens stop working. The cessation of electric heat increases, dramatically, the value of blankets and down jackets. Icy roadways challenge police and EMTs and their respective “customers,” putting all of them at risk. Danger confronts doctors and nurses and healthcare support personnel whose essential positions require them to place themselves in harm’s way in order to tend to patients. The families of all those essential workers, even when safe at home, are exposed to heightened levels of stress—at a minimum—while their loved ones confront weather-related difficulties. I can feel my own anxiety rising as I consider the potential impact of the coming winter weather. Again, I want to sleep; to extract myself from the unpleasant anticipation of Mother Nature joining forces with a dangerous psychopath to ruin lives and condemn the planet’s inhabitants to horrendous hardships.
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The immediate aftermath of yesterday’s chemotherapy was unpleasant. While I cannot be sure it was the chemo that did it, I suspect it was the chemicals that made me feel weak, cold, and unhappy. The pains in my bones, gut, chest, and back were not excruciating, but sufficiently uncomfortable to elicit moans and groans from me. This morning is better, but not back to “normal.” What, I keep wondering, is “normal” for me these days, after so damn many chemotherapy sessions, steroid injections, bone-protection injections, etc., etc.? I would have asked my oncologist some “come to Jesus” questions yesterday, except I did not see her. My treatments were handled by nurses, who followed the doctor’s instructions regarding what poisons to pump into my chest. Unexpectedly, I am not scheduled to return to the clinic for two weeks; usually, my visits take place at least once a week. To add to that stress, I have received multiple conflicting notices from my pharmaceutical insurance company, telling me my plan does not cover mail-order prescriptions (like those i have been getting for several years) and that my providers have not responded to the insurance company. I have verified, of course, that my providers have, indeed, responded to MULTIPLE inquiries from the insurance company. Apparently, I have reached the age at which the insurance company believes I will readily accept its confusing miscommunications. The company is wrong, of course. Though I do not condone, in the least, the murder of the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, I think I am beginning to understand the frustration that leads to the rage that triggers such irrational actions.
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Serenity is the cure. The cost to find it involves rage and chaos. Patience and placidity buys bitter agitation. Something is amiss in this inverse universe, methinks.
Fortunately, these days it’s pretty easy to get a good-sized power unit online – Amazon or elsewhere. Well worth having around to charge communications, heat up a bit of food, make coffee ore tea, or whatever during a power outage. If you do get an electric blanket, I advise getting an actual blanket and not one of those heated throws. Throws just aren’t large enough to wrap up in properly when in a cold room. Also, I’ve found that heated throws aren’t made as well as the blankets that are made to be used on beds. The wiring breaks on them fairly easily. Ask me how I know. :/ Anyhow, these are the kinds of equipment that make extended power outages much more tolerable. Add to the above, a good rechargeable lantern if you don’t have one already. They new ones are so reasonable and can light up enough area that you don’t feel like you’re living in a cave. I realize I’m probably over-equipped here, but I like to be prepared for extended power outages.
I wish I’d acted on getting a backup before now, Bev…it’s been on my mind for years! Still, haven’t done it. 🙁 Ditto, electric blanket. Now, I’m just hoping for the best. We shall see! Thanks for thinking about us…maybe I’ll take action…after the fact. 🙂
I was just watching weather forecasts for your region and I guess that an ice storm is more likely than heavy snow. I hope the storm doesn’t have too much impact on your area. Do you have some kind of power unit like one of those Jackery or similar power supplies? Also, do you have an electric blanket? That’s the one back-up that I would recommend to anyone who doesn’t have a wood stove or similar to heat part of their house. Being able to plug in an electric blanket and wrap up in it is a good protection for older people or those dealing with illness. Most electric blankets don’t draw much current, so a decent sized power bank unit can get quite a number of hours (even days) of warmth. With the weather becoming so erratic everywhere, I feel that power unit are becoming a necessity if one doesn’t have a generator. Sad to say, but the power grid in most regions seems to be becoming very vulnerable and taking longer and longer to repair and restore power after bad storms.
Anyhow, best of luck — hope the storm goes north of you and all will be well.