I am hungry to understand. I yearn to know the unknowable. I want to comprehend the incomprehensible. I seek insight into secrets hidden by immeasurable time. I crave knowledge, but without the enormous pain knowledge unleashes. Existence, itself, is hypocrisy; because to exist, one must know its opposite—yet none of us do.
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Let my skin and sinews and bones dry up, together with all the flesh and blood of my body! I welcome it! But I will not move from this spot until I have attained the supreme and final wisdom.
~ Buddha ~
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Thanks in large part to the fact that I have been sleeping nearly around the clock for the last few days, I woke this morning sometime around 3. After drifting in and out of fully-awake dreams, I finally got out of bed at 5. Shortly thereafter, the hermetic seal on my nasal passages ruptured, resulting in the release of massive globs of congealed blood that overwhelmed the contents of a box of kleenex I have recently begun to keep close by. Stopped up sinuses and a bloody nose are, the medical folks tell me, side-effects of one of the chemo drugs being delivered to my blood stream. That particular drug has been withheld for some time, though, making me question whether it is the culprit that’s causing the nasal discomfort, etc. I return for another chemotherapy treatment on the 30th; I shall inquire about this matter with some urgency. Stilted language becomes me, yes?
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I am an instigator. A provocateur. An agitator. An inciter. A rabble-rouser. An insurgent. A revolutionary—all to a relatively tepid level. The idea of being imprisoned, beaten, or otherwise deprived of the comforts of freedom and a relatively painless existence do not appeal to me, so I keep my insurrectionist tendencies low-key. But rattling cages is a form of entertainment I find attractive—provided I am the rattler and not the one being provoked….no, let me retract that. I once enjoyed being prodded to defend positions, even when those positions were not mine. Taking adversarial positions causes a person to think. I used to enjoy thinking, but I’m not very good at it anymore. Put me in a courtroom and opposing counsel will figuratively rip me to shreds—even in situations in which I am defending a position in which I fervently believe. People who are quick on their feet tend to intimidate me. I have never been quick on my feet. I need time to ruminate before I think fast. I’ve long since lost any hint of speed in repartee, yet I’ve maintained my appreciation for devil’s advocacy. I’m careful where I step, though, in that I cannot always successfully determine where risk ends and the certainty of danger begins. Why, I wonder, do I find the practice of polemics intriguing? And I wonder whether I truly appreciate the practice, or I just think its practice might lend an air of sophistication to an otherwise crude personality? Hmm.
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My automatic reaction to almost every proposal that emerges from the mouths or fingers of Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. or Elon Musk is negative. I stumbled upon one concept, though, that might have my support: banning consumer-directed pharmaceutical industry ads from television. My support would be based mostly on the fact that I find ads for cute-named medications intended to treat unpronounceable ailments offensive. But I am offended, as well, by the pharmaceutical industry’s openly greedy approach to selling “treatments” for maladies that consumers (and probably most physicians) knew little or nothing about before television was flooded with ads. I sometimes watch, and have moderately high regard for, NBC evening news programs; but it is awash in pharma commercials, which taints my appreciation for the network’s legitimate information delivery. Kennedy and Musk promote far more important issues (I call them threats) that merit fierce opposition; but I found a tiny piece of common ground between us. Is that a hopeful sign, or does it reveal their stealth strategy to garner support from their adversaries?
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Mirrors reveal the other side of someone who is not there.
