This morning, when I stand up, I feel slightly dizzy. When I walk, the sensation sometimes gets stronger. The dizziness/weakness may owe its existence to a very tame health-fest yesterday; eating healthy foods, etc. and getting comfortable with a gummy. The healthy aspect got a bit derailed with a tad of alcohol. Even though I should not have consumed mind-altering substances, that fact that I did gave me a glimpse of the younger, more energetic guy who occupied my body before I had a second take on cancer. Sometimes, you have to refresh your soul by breaking the rules and taking risks. Now, if I could just steady this wobbliness… It is entirely possible that the solution is an early morning nap.
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Once again, it’s almost 6 am and I wonder where the last two hours went. Almost every morning lately, I struggle with two competing sensations. The first one has the effect of making me feel that every second drags on eternally. Simultaneously, though, those two hours come and go in less than an instant; it’s as if my mind was frozen for two hours. I know what happened during that time, but I was not there.
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Here it is: Saturday. In days of yore, the day would have warranted a relaxing celebration. Today, it merits either: 1) attempting and failing to catch up on missed sleep; or 2) doing errands. But not both. And no celebrations. We’ve been led through chutes into narrower and narrower passageways; early training for the coming 24/7 workday. Saturdays tend the crack under the pressure of cramming 8- to 10- days of experience into a single 24-hour period. That’s a problem for the emerging workforce to address. The redundant and retired have little to no stake in the game, so we can simply site back and watch. I heard rumors about a revolution, but they may not have been rumors. Time will tell. It always does.
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What led to the drought? Is it meant to chastise me for my empty-headedness? Or to punish me for allowing my brain to frazzle? Or something else; something more serious? Something that could fundamentally change me? The problem could be caused, or exacerbated, by the reduction in my intake of meaningful information. When my morning posts changed from contemplations and curiosity to whiney reporting on my health; that’s when it began! The focus on my mind has narrowed; I am no longer as curious or probing about the edges and corners of life. It’s as if I have blinders on, blocking my peripheral thoughts and visions.
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Intellectual rebirth. That’s what’s necessary. Something to revive the spirit of rabid curiosity and tolerance of ideas that compete with mine.
