Visions and More

Outside in the darkness, night creatures have spent roughly the last hour wrapping up their evening prowls in preparation for the coming day. Dawn, also called Civil Dawn, is the time in the morning when the sun is 6 degrees below the horizon and there is enough light to see objects and start outdoor activities. Astronomical Twilight is the time when the sun’s center is 18 degrees below the horizon. My uneducated guess is that the creatures of the night begin preparing for the day around Astronomical Twilight, a time of day most people would still call nighttime. According to TimeandDate.com, Dawn today will begin at 6:55 a.m. in Hot Springs Village, Arkansas; Astronomical Twilight began at 5:26 a.m.  During the night, well before Astronomical Twilight begins, all sorts of forest dwelling mammals take advantage of their superior night vision and other enhanced sensory capabilities by spending their time seeking food. I am jealous of the eyesight of wild, undomesticated animals, especially those with the ability to see with severely limited sources of illumination to help them along. I would like to go outside around quite early and see as clearly as those creatures do. This morning, I was up half an hour before Astronomical Twilight, but my vision is far inferior to the beasts of the forest; so, at that time of pre-dawn darkness I can see virtually nothing except…darkness. Even so, I love that part of the day. Other than the noises forced on me by tinnitus (e.g., buzzing of insects, blood pumping past my eardrums, and other imaginary sounds), there’s rarely any sound at that hour. Glorious stillness. As close to silence and serenity and pure calm as I can get. But, if I had the superior sight and sense of hearing that many forest creatures have, perhaps my serenity would be drowned by forest sounds and blinded by the unwelcome illumination of the mysteries of darkness. I can only imagine the impossible; I cannot live it.

+++

After writing about darkness and dawn and the differences between humans’ experiences versus the experiences of forest animals, I stopped writing for a bit, while I watched dim light wash down from sky—behind and above the trees. Viewing nighttime turn into daytime can be a stunning experience, even without brilliant colors displayed by the visible sun and beautiful clouds. Though those colorful sights are incredible, the slow, simple illumination of a grey, cloudy sky sometimes fills me with just as much awe. The difference is that spectacular sunrises give us no choice but to be overwhelmed by their magnificence, whereas being captured by the amazing beauty of darkness gently draining from the sky requires intent. And a willingness to be in awe of something we can never truly understand.

+++

We attended a service at church yesterday afternoon, dedicated to a remembrance of a fellow churchgoer who died recently. Though I knew him, spoke with him often, and frequently enjoyed our conversations, I did not know much about the personal and professional history that was shared during the remembrance. Mi novia has mentioned several times in the past that it is unfortunate that we seldom learn much about acquaintances at church (and elsewhere, for that matter) until such a remembrance service is held. Not infrequently I think about inviting select people within my “sphere” to write their own obituaries to share within the group. Writing an honest account of your life might leave revelations about what was most important to you, what had the most meaning, your regrets, and otherwise might expose who you are—really—behind the mask. And that same account might enable you to understand more about yourself than you have ever tried to know. But…maybe we’ll all frightened of revealing who we really are…maybe we want people to know, but first we need to find out for ourselves. I imagine most of the things we might force ourselves to reveal would be regrets about what we did, or did not do. Perhaps instances of failure to be the kind of person we wanted to be, but did not strive hard enough to achieve. On the other hand, I am not sure a passel of regrets would be of any real value; maybe focusing on the successes and the accomplishments is a better way to summarize one’s life. But a comparison, at least, of who we wanted to be versus who we became, might bring about understanding that otherwise could never arrive.

+++

Despite having taken no naps yesterday and the day before, my night’s sleep last night and the night before were interrupted several times for pee-breaks. Getting back to sleep took too much time. Finally, at 4:45 or so, I gave up and got up. And it’s good I did. Otherwise, my random thoughts and mindless meanderings might not have made it through my fingers and onto the screen. Look for the bright spots, John.

+++

More espresso, more pondering, more viewing of what the nearby-world looks like in darkness and in light, more introspection, more uncertainty. That’s among the mass of random “stuff” that has gone through my mind since beginning this morning’s post. And that’s that.