Toilets and the F Word

Who doesn’t get excited about shopping for toilets? I mean, what could be more riveting than talking about flush capacity, gallons per flush, blah, blah, blah? I want to remodel the bathroom. My wife simply wants to replace the toilet.  Okay. It needs replacing. The crack in the porcelain is bothersome; worst case, it could be a really shitty problem. Forgive my language and punstership. But if we’re going to replace one, why not replace both of the toilets in the main part of the house (the one in the work room behind the garage can remain)? Yeah, okay. But what kind do we want? Single flush? Double flush? One-piece? Two-piece? National brand?  Cheaper cousin?

We have reached a temporary compromise. Double flush (said to be noisy) off-brand (but probably okay) that a company in Hot Springs sells and will install (and take away the old ones). We’ll call tomorrow. But I want to remodel the master bath. I mean, new shower, new flooring, new tile, new mirrors, the works. I may have to marry again for that to happen. Or she may have to use my insurance money to do the same.

I’d do it myself if I could get my wife out of the house for the twenty weeks it would take me to do the job to my satisfaction. But she is a homebody.

Damn is too weak a word for what I feel like screaming now. My word begins with an F and ends with something else.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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