I ask the question: is there a law that compels us to label what is commonly the first workday of the week ‘Monday?’ Are we required to call the second day ‘Tuesday?’ And must weekends always fall on ‘Saturday’ and ‘Sunday?’ What prevents us from calling those days, those life events, by different names? If I were to call the day you call ‘Monday’ by another name, say ‘Lugubrionus,’ would that action break the law? If, instead of referring to the second after ‘Lugubrionus,’ I said the day would respond more favorably to ‘Phalaymor,’ would I be subject to arrest?
These thoughts do not belong in the mind of a normal, natural, decent citizen. No, they belong in the mind of a madman. And I readily accept the moniker. It is an honor to be classified among the abnormal, the unnatural, the indecent.
Were I in charge of the universe, each day of the week periodically would be assigned a new sobriquet. Doing so, though, would cast me as a member of the improper, the wrong and the wretched. But that is a grand distinction, a tribute leading almost to apotheosis (see what I did there, how I got that word to fit in this paragraph?).
For now, let’s make the following transitions:
I admit, it may take some time to get used to this new scheme of day-naming. And perhaps it will not catch on. One never knows, though, until one tries.