It’s impossible to say with certainty whether my treatment for lung cancer is responsible, but I’m inclined to lay the blame squarely thereon. Had I not been subjected to 60 sessions during which radiation was directed at the remnants of my right lung, the X-ray beams would not have burned my esophagus. And if my esophagus hadn’t been scorched, it wouldn’t have caused pain while swallowing. Whether the subsequent pain, which seems to have evolved into a searching ember just below the base of my sternum, evolved from the searing esophageal pain is unclear. But I lay blame entirely on the events preceding the sense of a molten ember inside my torso. I suppose I could have an ulcer. I hope to learn the source of the pain on April 12, when I undergo an endoscopy. More importantly, I hope to learn that a fast-acting treatment to completely resolve the problem is readily available.
Fortunately, the pain I feel now whenever I eat is not excruciating. At least not all the time. But I’ve discovered that I can no longer indulge my passion for spicy foods. I can’t even eat jalapeños, for God’s sake! Much less habanero peppers or the joyous juices extracted therefrom. Chile powder hurts. Damn near everything hurts. Even the sesame seeds that encrusted the ahi tuna I had for lunch bothered my gut. I am not happy about this. I suppose it’s better than a piece of shrapnel ripping through my chest, but I can’t confirm that, either; I’ve never had a piece of shrapnel in my chest, if you don’t count the multiple incidents in which surgeons sliced and diced me with sharp scalpels. Fortunately, I was asleep during their explorations of the inner me.
I’m in a strange mood. Obviously, I’m drenched in dark humor, but not the kind of dark humor I enjoy. Instead, it’s the kind I’d rather avoid. But I’ve been unable to avoid it thus far. In addition to that, I’m feeling a bit depressed that I’m apparently not really close to having the entire cancer treatment regiment behind me. Well, maybe the treatment is done, but the aftermath to treatment seems to have just begun. At least I’m able to get out and about more frequently of late, in spite of the fatigue and lack of stamina. Just last night, we went to the latest World of Wine events, this time focused on Spanish wine and food. The wines were decent. The food was decent. The people at our table were enjoyable. But I wasn’t quite in the mood, I suppose.
This morning, we sent into Hot Springs to check into buying new frames for my eyeglasses (as well as new lenses). I was disappointed to find that very few options are available to me in the style I desire: metal frames designed to accommodate magnetic sunglass attachments. I’ve had such frames for years. Apparently they are going out of style, replaced I guess either by prescription sunglasses or the miserable clip-on style that I find ugly and offensive and hard to use. I’ve been exploring online options, but I’m a little concerned about ordering online, though I know I can return them, but at a substantial cost (due to my prescription). I don’t know. It’s too hard to decide. Maybe I’ll wait until my 85th birthday. That way I’ll never have to buy any.