How the hell can I interpret what I meant four years ago today when I wrote the following?
Who controls us is a question I cannot fully answer, not with any certainty. But I think how they control us is clear. We are taught our roles are simply to consume what is provided to us and to accept decisions made for us. Even when we are asked to make decisions, they are not our decisions; we simply affirm decisions others taught us to make. We are trained to be passive participants in our own lives. Only by being disobedient, by breaking free of the artificial constraints placed on what and how we think, can we take control of our lives. That is hard to do. Whether it is worth doing, that’s what I aim to find out.
You know what bothers me about what I wrote four years ago? It’s that I don’t know the message I was trying to send to myself. And I don’t think I ever answered myself.
I do know I feel compelled to reject whatever it is that controls us. I reject that control out of hand. But, then, what control do I have? Are we pawns? If so, who controls the moves?
Tonight, I’ve had more thought flood my brain than I’ve had in ages. But still I’m unwilling to share them. Or event to document them. I’m afraid my ideas tonight would be judged dangerous and illegal and seditious. So I must keep them to myself. Until the revolution.