Hiding

I sat listening to music last night, music that moves me.  And I became angry. I became angry because I felt tears on my cheeks. Those tears reminded me that some people close to me would have laughed at those tears, had they seen them.  They would have made fun of my emotions. And that made me very angry. I felt like screaming, though I didn’t.  I just seethed and let the tears fall. And I wondered if they are right. Is it stupid and silly to let the poetry of music filet my soul and leave it exposed to the air?

The music is sometimes dark, but mostly it is just emotional. It forces me to feel things I would otherwise simply wear. I feel a close connection to certain singer-songwriters, because they write and sing things I can’t express, no matter how hard I try. I can’t do it through writing. I can’t do it through talking. I can do it only through listening and appreciating words and tunes that unleash emotions so desperate for the light of day that I am afraid they will burst out of me in explosive blasts.

I hide behind  music. I can’t release, even in writing, the emotions that are so like those explosive blasts. I want to tell the world how I feel, but the world isn’t listening and doesn’t care. It just wants to be silly and make fun of things it doesn’t understand.

Some days, the world has no empathy, no compassion.  Some days? Most days.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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4 Responses to Hiding

  1. Little Jimmy says:

    Music isn’t worth listening to if it doesn’t make you feel… It doesn’t matter what it is, music is made to make you feel… Happy, Sad, Energized, etc., etc., etc…. Open the floodgates, sir and revel in your music-induced emotions!

  2. I don’t think it’s all of us, Juan. But there are plenty in the gene pool that have lost their sense of empathy, so the future is a bit bleak in that regard. Yeah, Larry, I know you find music annoying! 😉

  3. jserolf says:

    I spent the day by the pool, listening to music through my new Bose headphones, headphones big enough to nearly cover my ears, but not as big as the ones we kept some 30 years ago. But what was really amazing to me was no bigger or thicker than a piece of notebook paper folded 5 times. Amazing, too, because with a memory of 3 or 4 gigabytes i had maybe 10 albums on there and could fit another 10. years of memories and feelings in those collected songs, too, and it was all private, only I could hear them.

    Next door, my neighbor — totally without any sense of empathy — has got his speakers outside in his drive-way, booming out rap songs without a care that everyone else in the neighborhood has to hear it, too. He needs to read J. S. Mill’s “License and Liberty.” At least, I can cut that sound out.

    Is it us…..us gone too far and deep into our selfish, narcissistic wants that we have dropped our sense of empathy?

  4. Being that I don’t care for music I am laughing.

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