No matter what, you cannot earn forgiveness for the unforgivable.
Some offenses are too hurtful, too brutal, too coarsely painful to warrant a shred of understanding, even a hint of defense. Knowing there’s no forgiveness, no way to ever earn it, no possibility of undoing the past, is the most painful thing. But it’s the most appropriate penalty for robbing someone of a lifetime of self-esteem. It’s only a whisper of the pain, but it will serve, eventually, to elicit shrieks of pain, pleas for mercy that must never come, lest the brutality of the offense be lessened.
It’s much easier to forgive others than to forgive oneself. One can give others the benefit of the doubt. A person can assume others know agonies hidden from view that can never be understood. The same cannot be said of oneself. No excuses can mask responsibility.
Interesting post. I recently had a conversation with a very dear friend whose mother failed to protect her from some really awful abuse when she was a girl. I tend to be unforgiving of the woman, although my friend has a loving heart.
In other news, I have a friend whose wife cheated on their marriage, and he can never ever forgive her. It’s hard to say whether he has genuine pain or if it is anger because he wanted out of the marriage for years.