I just spent the better part of two hours in my little “shop,” listening to music and musing about life. Getting lost in music and musing is easy to do. It tends to take me into introspective moods, which can be good or bad, depending on the direction from the start.
Tonight, I lit a few cones of incense, hoping they would boost the chances that my moods would reflect the aromas of pine and cedar and jasmine and so forth. It worked, in part. But cones of incense do not guarantee joy, any more than they guarantee peace.
I listened to Jennifer Warnes, Leonard Cohen, Gordon Lightfoot, Loudon Wainwright, Tanita Tikaram, and others. Obviously, I was not in the mood to dance. But I didn’t want to be down, either. So I listened to music that made me think, as well as react emotionally.
The conclusions I reached, after listening to the music and absorbing the aromas of three or four cones of incense, were mixed. First and foremost, I felt a physical need to hug and be hugged; I was utterly alone in my shop, so that was not an option. But I wish I had more control over such things.
What I need tonight, I think, is the yurt in the state park we visited this weekend. I need to be there alone, or with a spirit guide, with enough time and music to allow me to explore every inch of my moods.
There’s such complexity in human emotion. I wish I understood it better than I do, but then I might not appreciate the complexities if they were explained to me in clinical terms, absent the mysteries of the mind.