Dark Hour Conversations with Myself

Yet again, insomnia and muscle cramps. This is becoming habitual. Yesterday, as I was attempting to find a “cure” for my muscle cramps, I came across an article that suggests drinking pickle juice can put an end to muscle cramps. I haven’t tried it. Not yet. But if these damn cramps don’t abandon my muscles of their own accord, I might opt to attempt to drown them in pickle juice. Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m not there yet, but I can see the destination from here. And the insomnia. Perhaps the cramps are causing me to awake and, in spite of my best efforts, fail to fall asleep again. I went to bed early again last night; getting a few hours sleep starting around 9 or 10, though, isn’t an adequate substitute for a full night of restful sleep.

Naturally, after I got up around 1:30 or so, I checked email. And there was a message expressing concern about a blog I created for a church; the concern is that the blog’s URL address seems (to the concerned party) to imply that it is an official site for the church. In my sleep-deprived state, augmented by a not-very-forgiving mood, my immediate reaction was to wonder whether people have run out of legitimate concerns so, in the absence of real-world issues, they just make them up. My next reaction was to consider suggesting that someone else create a blog whose URL address begins with “unaffiliatedwith” or “notanofficialsiteof” or “wedonotspeakfor” or something else that clearly illustrates bureaucratic thinking at its most fulsome. All right; enough of that. I should be more charitable. But, really? You’d think I had crafted a contentious declaration of dangerous church doctrine. It’s a blog, for God’s sake. Opinions, ideas, something intended to provoke thoughts. Arrgghh. Whatever. I’m not going to waste any more energy on it. If there’s opposition to it, fine. I created it, I can kill it if necessary.

My visit to the ENT doc yesterday was not revelatory. Nothing that suggests clues to the cause of my chronic cough. But I’ll have x-rays done today; doc wants to rule out any issues with sinuses. I suspect he suspects the issues are related to the lungs; he seemed stunned that I do not have a pulmonologist. He did offer one possibility; acid reflux that’s not severe enough to cause pain, but bad enough to trigger coughing fits. I’m not sure whether he can nail that down, though. I’m getting more than moderately frustrated with this chronic cough. I’m probably more frustrated with it at this moment simply because I’m awake and it’s approaching 4 a.m.

I have plenty of other topics to write about, but I’m not going to write about them now. I think I’ll see about a dark hour snack to accompany my dark hour conversation with myself. I could try to go back to bed, but that would probably result in sleeping in (like I did yesterday), which I do not like to do. I wonder why I find awakening after 7 a.m. so offensive? Not in others, only in myself. I’m thinking in unlinked circles. That’s not good. I should stop now.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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