Christmas Gloom and Hopeful Wishes

It’s Christmas morning, 2018. Our plans for the day are simple: friends will come to our house at 10 to deliver a nice Christmas breakfast. Late this afternoon, we will visit other friends who have invited us over for a Christmas dinner. I hope I can maintain my stamina long enough to get through both events. As I write this, I’m hopeful I can, but not certain. The last few weeks have been stressful, both physically and mentally. Dealing with the after-effects of lung cancer surgery has been an unwelcome challenge, something I never dreamed I would have to face. But here I am and the challenge confronts me, whether I like it or not. My options are limited.

On the one hand, I feel defeated and hopeless. The prospect of twelve weeks of chemotherapy and radiation treatments  is numbing. On the other hand, I feel an obligation to try to maintain some sense of cheer so that I don’t drag my wife into the doldrums with me. I need to be hopeful and cheerful and confident in the future so she has a positive buoy to keep her emotions afloat.

Though I suspect it will be difficult for me, I will try to become and remain positive and exude hope and certainty that I will overcome the health challenges I face.  What harm can it do to paint myself as hopeful, even if I’m not feeling it? I’m sure it can do some good; it can, perhaps, twist me out of my depression and into a sense of joy at all the good things at my doorstep. I don’t know. I will see, I suppose.

This Christmas is, in spite of all the good wishes sent to me from all around, I’m in a gloomy mood. I hope to look back on this day, one year hence, and contrast it with the absolute joy I feel at being alive. We’ll see, won’t we? I hope we will.

About John Swinburn

"Love not what you are but what you may become."― Miguel de Cervantes
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5 Responses to Christmas Gloom and Hopeful Wishes

  1. bev wigney says:

    I hope you were able to get through the day — both physically and emotionally. Sometimes, it’s just good to just wing it and see how things go. If you get feeling weary, no one will think badly of you for bowing out. Just go with the flow. I’m sure Janine is also putting on a brave face for you. It’s what we do. At the end of a day, I always like to thing, “just for today, everything is okay.” That’s really all any of us can be sure of. WIshing you peace on this Christmas day.

  2. Linda, thanks so much for your encouragement and good wishes. I’m making progress in looking at today as an opportunity to prepare for good times that are on the horizon. I do look forward to seeing you in the near future and to celebrating with you.

  3. Thank you, Trish, and know that I appreciate your good wishes. I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas!

  4. Trisha says:

    Merry Christmas, John. Nor can I imagine what you are truly going through, but, your plan sounds a noble one for the sake of Janine, and for your own well being. I wish you peace and resolve in your most trying of times. Take good care, and I wish you the very best in the shortly coming new year.

  5. lindakblack says:

    Please cheer up, my friend, and enjoy THIS day. I can only imagine what you are going through, but think of the blessing for THIS DAY, THIS TIME. I’m going to see you sometime this holiday season! Enjoy your day, and you and Janine have a very Merry Christmas!

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